In much the same way, that relationship roles that were imprinted at an early age in our brains, and media influences we were exposed to have had an impact on how we now expect significant people in our lives to behave. The experiences we have had in our former relationships also have an impact on our current expectations, and behaviors. We may have become more hopeful or confident or brave in the relationships that followed experiences we perceive to be positive relationships. We also may have unhelpful or potentially damaging residue from relationship encounters and situations, which we felt were negative for us. Sometimes this residue can become the very thing that helps us to learn from our prior so called bad experiences. They can teach us how we want things to be in our relationships.

And this residue can teach us to draw effective boundaries. These negative experiences can also offer us the opportunity to look more closely at ourselves, to figure out how we want to be in our relationships, and what we expect and want to expect in our relationships, not only from our partners, but also from ourselves. negative experiences can be very effective teaching tools that end up affecting our lives in extremely positive ways. But when we don't choose to use negative experiences, to learn more about ourselves, They can begin to cloud our vision, we can end up choosing to focus on and to see what used to be, instead of what it is. We may also begin to see those around us, as replicas or clones of those who have previously heard us. It's as if they are wearing the faces of the people from our past, who we had bad experiences with.

They may be wearing the face of a former lover, or they could be wearing the face of someone from long ago in a totally different type of relationship, perhaps even someone from our family. here's the kicker. We usually aren't aware that we are seeing our partner in this way. We simply see the past face. our subconscious is projecting onto our current partner as if It is our partners, actual and true face. We don't see Harry is George from the past or silvius Connie from the from the past.

Rather we see Harry acting exactly like George or Sylvie saying all the same unkind things Connie used to say to us. This is the former love mask, former lover mask, and we think they're just acting like our former lover but what we're actually projecting onto them is that we believe they are really exactly like them. Because we are seeing our current partner through a haze of fear, pain or sorrow from the past that invites us to suspect that this partner is just like a former one. Then it can be difficult for us to accurately judge what we are seeing. Our fear, pain or sorrow tells us what we see is real. It may be It may also only slightly resemble what has happened to us previously.

But unless we understand that we are subconsciously accepting our fear, pain or sorrows invitation to automatically see an exaggerated version of what is going on in our present because of something that happened in the past, we will never know for sure whether or not our partner is actually acting like the person from our past, who we think they resemble. Maybe we want our current partner to admit their wrongdoing, perhaps a wrongdoing that isn't even happening. Because we are still angry or sad that our former partner never felt badly or never admitted the despicable ways in which they treated us. It can be difficult to stop comparing people we currently Love to people who mistreated asked in the past, it can also be difficult to expect someone to live up to the fantasy image we may have of the one who got away. We all know how unfair and fair it feels to be accused of thinking, feeling or doing something were absolutely not guilty of.

We all hope to be seen and loved for who we are. Even if someone decides they want to leave us, we don't want it to be because they think something is true. That isn't. We have to be willing to be vulnerable, so others can see who we truly are. We have to be willing to allow others the same safety to be vulnerable. If we want them to show us their true self The only way for partners to discover if their relationship can become a healthy, safe one that fulfills both partners is if they each are willing to show the other partner their true self.

Fear can definitely cloud our vision. Love shouldn't be about being angry because you're afraid of who someone might be. Discovery isn't about uncovering blame, or at least it shouldn't be. Discovery can be about sharing who you each are to determine if you would enjoy life more with each other than without each other. Love is about being free to be who you truly are, and being loved and accepted for the real you. Not some pretenders.

You feel you have to become to keep your partner from leaving you or from distancing themselves from you. This isn't just true of partners. It's true of family members, friends, colleagues, whomever you're in a relationship with. We should never ask anyone else to hide who they are, or to change who they are. growing and evolving as a person are good things. But these things should be about becoming the best version of who you are.

Not about becoming a different person. If you want your partner to be a different person, do them and yourself a favor, and go find a different person. Don't ask your partner to become like an AI being that you've programmed to please you That's not laugh