No one enjoys being in a relationship with someone who is obviously self centered in a big way. These people are usually easy to spot however, we can even spot them in the mirror. If we start to act that way ourselves. We know when we've crossed the line, we can tell when we're being piggy in a particular situation and want things to work out much better for us than for the other person. This does not mean that we are supposed to be selfless. This doesn't mean we should only care about our partner or always care more about their happiness than our own.
A healthy relationship should work for everyone. Of course, there will be times When one partner steps back, and lets the other partner have more space, or time or Limelight, or resources, or whatever, but this should happen because you are both willing to do it for each other. Not because one of you is expected to be the one who always or even mostly does it. This given take should also balance out over time, in whatever way works for the two of you. How you do this is your business and no one else's. Make sure you to agree about what the give and take in your relationship should look like.
And be sure you check in from time to time to figure out if you're actually living up to creating and maintaining the balance that you each have agreed to. Maybe your relationship has the kind of balance that resembles splitting the check when you go out to dinner. Because the two of you find ways to divide things in the relationship, you share your resources, things like attention and money as equally as you can, over the same time period. But maybe the balance in your relationship instead, more closely resembles a you pay this time. I'll pay next time kind of situation. The two of you take turns being the one who gets the particular resources or privileges in question, to be the one to make a particular choice or the one who takes a break from responses.
Ability. At this time, the other partner understands that they'll get to take their turn later. Both of these systems and any other kind of fair system that partners create depends on trust. Each partner can then be able to believe that their turn, their share will be fair because they trust that their partner wants the situation, to be fair for both of them. Some partners give each other more control or choice and a particular area of their relationship. For example, maybe one partner is really good with money, and the other partner trust them to take care of their finances.
Obviously, good communication becomes important in these situations. It's not about one partner taking control from another partner, but rather one partner using their skills in ways that benefit the relationship. Perhaps one person hates laundry. I mean, they really hate laundry, and the other person loves it. They actually look forward to it. That's fabulous.
That works out. That's easy to figure out. As long as it's not a role expectation, especially a gendered one that the other person feels, doesn't fit or is put upon them, without them really agreeing to it. What matters is figuring out what works by community. Keating openly about how to create balance in your relationship that feels comfortable to both parties. balances in every area, including resources, roles, tasks and responsibilities, you name it balanced that is defined in a way that works for both of you.
And communication. That covers everything. Where you're sharing your expectations, your fears, your hopes, your dreams. And don't refuse to acknowledge what you're worried about, or what you really would like to see happen. No one should always have to do everything their partner's way. No one should stop being loved, simply because they have a different opinion.
No one should be treated. it as if they're a horrible person, simply because they express their needs. Finally, make sure your relationship has a strong me, a strong, you and a strong us. All three are equally important. Self Care does matter. So does making space for your partner to do their own self care.
You each need to learn from each other, how you can be there for your partner. You also both need to do your part, not only to maintain you, your individual self, but the US portion of your relationship in a way that helps it to evolve. As you each evolve. You need To Be brave, vulnerable, you need to have respect for each other. You need to be honest, to accept each other and to clearly communicate all the things you're feeling and thinking. These things themselves also need to be nurtured.
Tending relationships is very similar to tending a garden. You plant seeds, you feed and water what grows. You refuse to let weeds choke out new growth. You expect all the growth to go through cycles, birth, growth, decay and rebirth.