Traditionally, people have used boundaries to protect themselves from unwanted and often unpleasant behaviors. behaviors they think are unacceptable in a relationship. They have also used these boundaries as ultimatums. One person stands on their side of the boundary and tells the other person you better not come over here. Maybe they shake their fist and yell. Maybe they cross their arms defiantly.

But what if we did something entirely different with boundaries? What if we drew boundaries, to communicate how we feel, to communicate, what we have decided to not engage in the drama we We'll have decided not to expose ourselves to what if instead of being angry, and continuing to be upset at the person on the other side of our boundary, we simply stopped participating in their specific behaviors. What if we tried to not control the other person, but decided how we would and we would not act instead? What if we calmly explained something like this? When you start to make fun of me, I am going to remove myself from the conversation and go do something else. I'll be glad to talk with you about this some other time when you're not making fun of me.

What if We felt good about doing this, because it matches the behaviors we have decided to do. And the ones that we do not want to engage in with our partner. What if then we actually walked away? And really did go do something else? What if we didn't do over what our partner did? What if instead, we waited to see what our partner would do?

What if we decided we could do this multiple times, choosing to disengage, and remove ourselves? Each time our partner repeated the unwanted behavior? What if we decided that if things didn't change, this would be a deal breaker for us and explain to our partner that we would need To choose to disengage from the entire relationship, if the unwanted behavior was something the partner chose to continue to do. What if we explained further that we wouldn't be leaving to punish our partner, but rather to stay true to what we feel is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and in relationship, we could even acknowledge to our partner that we understand that they may have a different opinion about which behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship. That would be okay. It would just mean that we're not a very good match.

That would also be very sad, but definitely not as bad as never being able to live in harmony, because we want different things From our relationship, maybe our partners behavior isn't a deal breaker for us. But it is still behavior we are not willing to be a part of. So every time it happens, we temporarily remove ourselves from the situation. The boundaries we draw as we go through this process will help us to communicate to our partner. those behaviors we are and are not willing to participate in. The boundaries we draw would then be about where we will go and not go.

We'll be controlling our own behaviors, not attempting to control our partner's behaviors.