When we were children, we watched people function in different roles in our lives, roles such as parent, child, spouse, sibling, and the like. In many of our homes, we also witnessed the gendered versions of the same roles. All of the roles we observed made an impression on us. These roles were literally imprinted onto our brains. We developed neural pathways representing each of these roles. Most of us were not aware that this was happening.

When we reached adulthood, we were still probably clueless about how our neurons had arranged themselves to define each of these roles in our brains. Many of us were less than pleased with the way some of these fans roles played out in our lives when we were young. We may have promised ourselves that we would never, ever, ever be the kind of mother or father that we had. We would never act that way. Our view of being a spouse, husband, or wife, may vary greatly from that of our mother, or our father. But here's the thing.

Those pre laid neural pathways are still in our brains, we may still revert to autopilot when it becomes time for us to step into those roles in our lives. While our words tell one story, our actions may tell a completely different story. Things get even more complicated, because the other person in our relationship also has their own pre laid neural pathways. They too may act in ways that do not match what they say. They to maybe unaware of this. Our partner may also expect us to match their imprinted version of our given role.

They may subconsciously expect us to act in ways that aren't they aren't even communicating to us. They may not be aware they are judging us based on these imprinted ideals. They may get upset, but not truly understand why they are upset. We may be doing Doing the same thing to them. Add in the media influences that tell us the right way to act in each of our life roles. And things can get even more complicated.

Many of us may also be looking for someone to fulfill a particular need in our lives, one that we feel we aren't as capable of, or as willing to feel ourselves. Maybe we want someone who will keep things light and entertaining, because we feel we often take things a bit too seriously. Or maybe we need someone to be willing to keep the peace. Because we have a tendency to be gruff or distant. We may unconsciously expect our partner to fill a void in our life instead of trying to improve or evolve Our own behavior in that area. We may then get upset at our partner, if they fail to do this for us, because we've made them responsible for our happiness.

Or maybe our partner is expecting this from us. Things can get complicated and messy. If each person in the relationship isn't aware of what they're doing, or why they're doing it. First, figure out what's going on for you. communicate that to your partner. Then ask your partner to do the same thing.

Do it for yourself first. Once you each know what you expect from yourself, and then from each other, you can decide if you can be good together.