When setting boundaries, it is important to always ask yourself, What are you trying to teach the child? Would you do a certain thing or ask the child to do a certain thing? Always ask yourself, if I am to point this out, what will that teach the child? If I were to allow him or her to do a certain thing, what will they learn? I want to teach them this. Will they learn that if I forbid or allowing them to do a certain activity?
Is this in alignment with what we're trying to teach them overall? My husband and I saved all our decisions about children through those sets of questions. If I'm trying to teach them responsibilities, allowing them to have a sleep over with their friends at our house, going to help teach them how to entertain guests. Is that going to be Teach them how to be a good host or hostess. If a friend invites them to a birthday party should they buy a present themselves, so as to learn the value of things. And so they can choose a far more meaningful present for dear friend than I can.
In our house, we have personal time with children. when they were younger, we did it to make sure they know they're equally important to us that we're genuinely interested in each and every one and what is going on in their lives. It was an opportunity for them to share mom and me or dad and me moments. Actually, to tell you the truth. It was more like a couple of hours. They would choose where they wanted to go, what they wanted to do.
Sometimes it was more of an outing and a fun experience. And sometimes it was hard, too hard sharing. as they got older, our personal times turn more into talk times. There were a lot more things to discuss and counsel them on. It allowed us to be in the note With all the good things, and also the heartbreaks in their lives, it builds a good foundation for the teen years, when there's so much stuff going on in their lives, now is the time to connect with them and get their trust, build that relationship. And another part of setting boundaries is to also make a point that when they see other children do what you don't allow them to, such as temper tantrums, or using bad language, etc.
You should ask them about it. Don't pretend it didn't happen. You know, they've seen it as much as you did. And if you don't address it, it can only start series of questions in their minds. They will draw conclusions and most of the time they will not be the same conclusions as mine or yours. Make it a point to talk about it as the one they saw hurt as they when they thought about it.
Ask them from their point of view. How did it look to them Then go over your rules and consequences to reiterate the point that asking them you know, we don't allow that in our home, right? You know, you would be asked to leave or apologize to a person if that has been you. And then ask them to give you ideas for how that particular situation could be handled better. On both this on both the child and parent sides. What would have been better if the child did or a parent did