How to Make No Feel Easier

Take Back Control of Your Life: When and How to Say No The How of No - Here's the meat: how to say NO in lot's of situations.
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Transcript

So you want to make saying no feel easier? Well, there are three things to consider. Before you make your decision to say yes or no, that will make it easier. And the first of those is alternatives. If I say no, what are the alternative things that I could be doing with my time? That way you can start to put your know, into context.

The second is the consequences of saying no, or Yes. And putting them into a time perspective. Ask yourself, how would I view this decision tomorrow? How would I view this decision? next week? In a month's time, or maybe even in a year's time?

With big decisions? How would I view this too? decision in 10 years time, or even at the end of my life, putting your yes or no decision into a time context can really help you to understand the consequences. And third perspective to take that will make it helpful for it will help you to make your yes or no decision is to think about the people around you. How will it affect me the person that I'm asking how will it really affect the person that's asking me? How will it affect me How will affect other people we're now going to look at a five step process which will really help you to make no feel a lot easier.

So now I'm going to give you a simple five step approach to softening you up psychologically, to make no feel just that a little bit easier. It's a very simple process. They take you about 10 to 15 minutes to complete. Now, you can do this in one of two ways. The first is to work your way through this lecture and pause the lecture to do the exercises as I described them. Or Secondly, you can listen to the lecture, then print out the notes that will accompany it, and then find yourself somewhere quiet.

Whichever you do, you'll need a pencil and paper. So if you are going to work through the exercise, along with the lecture, then you may want to pause now in order to get yourself a pencil and paper. Back. Excellent. So we'll work our way through the five steps. It won't take the full 10 to 15 minutes to do it on the lecture, but you may want to pause and the first step is to think about that moment where you need to make your yes or no decision and to give a response.

Think about three times this has happened recently and the results has been that you have fallen for Yes that you have later regretted that gopher has grabbed hold of your consciousness and gone for it without you really thinking about it, you didn't feel in control. So take a few minutes to write down two or three recent examples. Now, when you've done that, give yourself a little bit of time to relive those experiences picture what happened in your mind, you might want to close your eyes to do this. Notice the sort of things that were said, notice how you felt about it. What was going through your mind? And particularly think about that moment where you felt yourself compelled to say yes.

Did you think there was an option? What caused you to rule it out? Was that yes, completely automatic. So take some time to think about those cases. The second step is to Ask yourself, how do you think about your time? And what were you thinking about your time when these things happened?

Did you feel that you're in control? Did you feel that the other person was in control? How much authority? Did you feel you had to say yes or no? Where was the power in the conversation? And to what extent could you have done things differently?

Third step is to go back to those two or three situations and ask yourself, what happened as a result? You made the choice to say yes, did things change? Did they work out the way you hoped? Or did you open up opportunities that were good for you? Did you close down other opportunities that could have been good for you? Step Four.

What beliefs do you have that are relevant? To your choice to say yes or no at those times, and how real are those beliefs? How reliable are they? How do they fare when you test them against reality? What alternative beliefs because you have about yourself, your power, your authority, your ability to say no, when you choose to? And how would those alternative beliefs change the actions that you would have made in those two or three circumstances and consequently, what would have happened differently?

Step five, is to make a commitment. Because if you don't make a commitment, you won't take actions and if you don't take actions, nothing will change. So you need to seize control of that. Yes, no moment. What will you do differently? One of the things we know about goal setting you said if you write I will complete That sentence that can work quite well.

But recent research has shown that you get better results. If instead of stating an intention, you write a question about yourself. So write your goals as not I will do this or that. But will I do this or that with a question mark on the end? So, write down your intentions, as will I statements, write two or three of them that are really relevant to the way that you will handle that yes no moment in future. And when you've done that, score each of those will I statements on a scale of one to 10 to reflect your commitment to making that happen, where 10 is absolutely unshakeable commitment this is going to happen in your mind and the answer to will it that definitely is one is, you know what, I'm no ha Be kind of nice to read, I think I will.

If by the way, you've got too many scores under five, then really, truly, you may not find that this is the course for you. Because this course is for people who are committed to making a change for people who are committed to saying no, when they choose saying no, when it's right for them. So you've got your five steps, if you have worked through them with me on this lecture, and I hope you've got some greater will I questions with some high level of commitment if you haven't worked through it on this lecture, then print off the sheet that accompanies it. Find yourself somewhere quiet, set aside 10 to 15 minutes and do this exercise then. So now you know a little bit more about how to make no feel easier. It's worth just pausing.

For a moment to ask ourselves a very simple question. Should Know feel easy? Because actually think that to a small extent no shouldn't feel too easy. Because remember, there are going to be consequences for the other person, you may have evaluated them as being not consequential enough not serious enough to stop you saying no, but you need know, to be just a little bit uncomfortable. Otherwise, you'll end up being callous. Remember, we want to be able to say no, so that we can regain control of our lives.

As soon as you start being a little bit callous about your yes or no answers, then you haven't got control. Yes or no determination is starting to control you again, in a different way. callousness is not the way to live. No, needs to be a little bit easy and just a little bit

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