Let's take a look at depression from a completely different angle. Consider this analogy. I am thirsty. My body needs water. I am depressed. I feel disconnected.
Like nobody gets me. Have you ever heard anyone say, I feel completely lovable? I feel connected to my family and friends and loved completely. And I'm depressed. When someone says I'm depressed, the first thing I check for is their level of attachment. other human beings are they really connected, they feel like they're really held and loved and cherished by the people around them.
I suffer from depression means that I have a clinical disease, but I feel disconnected simply means that there's a temporary situation in my life that's causing a temporary emotion. And then I can actually be proactive and do things to create better connections to feel more attached to people. And I know that living a sprawling metropolis, it's compounded by the fact that there are millions of people around us and yet we feel so disconnected nature said, I feel more alone in the most crowded cities than I do in the desert. Let's take a look at attachment theory and the individuation process for a moment. In the study muah, the stage of the mirror or mirror stage, Jacques Lacan discusses how babies gain a sense of being separate from their mothers. If you hold the baby up to a mirror, he can't see itself as a separate being from its mother, on whom it's dependent for food and protection.
A baby must go through an individuation process. To become independent and gain a sense of self. Mary Ainsworth studied babies and theorized that four types of attachment could develop during this individuation process. secure attachment is when a baby securely depends on the caregiver and trust him or her to take care of its needs. This creates the ground for mental wellness. Anxious avoidant attachment is when the child shuts off its emotions and becomes independent quickly, because it learns that can't really depend on anyone else for emotional succor or support.
Ambivalent attachment is when a baby can't use the caregiver as a secure base. There's also distress with separation. It's angry and doesn't reattach securely to the caregiver out of fear of being abandoned again, it's kind of this push pole, always being anxious or worried. disorganized attachment is when a baby lacks a coherent attachment strategy. There's disoriented behavior, they're usually frightened or withdrawn, confused. They're they have really severe anxiousness about relationships.
Too many of your intimate relationships feel like they're push pull a constant struggle, like one of you always has one foot out the door. Do you feel like you can really trust that you can really attach to your friends, your partner's your caregivers, like they really have your back? So are you willing to entertain the possibility that it's really difficult for us as adults to securely attached to people because of all the pain and betrayal and suffering that we've experienced in our formative years? Or maybe subconsciously, we suffer from the imposter syndrome which means that underneath it all We think we're unlovable and that humans gets close to us, we'll eventually find out that we're not worthy of their love and will leave us and that will reopen those primal abandonment wounds. We'll take a look at how we're showing up for relationships in the following sections.
But first, let's do another brief meditation. I'd like you to close your eyes, sit up straight, shoulders over hips, chin level, jaw unclenched. Relax the face. And just imagine that you're wholly attached to people can depend on them. You are lovable, just the way you are. And there are many wonderful people love you unconditionally.