Hello, this is Michael Williams again, and I want to welcome you, and thank you for continuing to work through this course. Trust me when I say this, as simple and as basic as this stuff is, this can absolutely and dramatically improve your speech. And what you have to do is you have to listen to this, you have to watch it, you have to tell this to yourself over and over, until it becomes your new way of thinking. We're talking about people who struggle and you may struggle with this with introducing yourself with ordering food with speaking around, what to people in authority, or people that you don't know or giving presentations, all of these things. Believe it or not, the steps that I'm giving you. You know, I hate to say trust me trust, but that's all I can say because I see it change people's lives.

Client after client just wouldn't be in business if this stuff didn't work out. When big right? really works, you gotta trust, we gotta believe me gotta use this stuff I'm telling you. So, title, the series of seven steps to quickly, quickly achieve smooth, calm confidence. What do I mean when I say quickly? I don't mean like, boom, boom, boom, you're gonna do this and instantly, although sometimes you will experience pretty instantaneous improvements, but quickly can be anywhere from four to six to eight to 12 weeks.

Now, if you've been struggling with this for decades, and within two or three months, you're kind of beyond it right? Then that's quickly, isn't it? So let's take a look. I'm gonna do a quick review of each of the sessions. I mean, very quick review of each step. This is step one here.

Right? This is step one, and step one is to tell yourself, tell yourself, I don't have to rush I can take my time. And say what I want to say, and say what I want to say when I want to say it. I don't have to rush. You can stop there. I don't have to rush.

I don't have to rush. I can take my time and say what I want to say. So if you missed the previous video, please go back and watch. We're going to, we're going to move on. We're going to be looking at step number two. And what is step number two.

Step number two says, to pause before you speak, pause before you speak. Pause before you speak. Now, let's talk about what I mean when I say pause before you speak. You may be in a situation at work and you're sitting around the table and You're giving a report on a piece of software that you're working on or whatever. And someone asked you a question. Again, remember, we talked about in the last video, your natural inclination might be that right?

Now, I want to explain something that happens to many people, when they get that that sense that feeling, there's that automatic response to the jump in and explain something that happens in just a moment. But let's continue with this scenario. So they ask you a question and all sudden. So now I got to explain myself, I gotta explain myself. So you want to jump in, you want to start talking, you start talking fast. And all of a sudden, your brain starts getting a little cloudy, so you're not being clear.

You start getting stuck on certain words. And so you have to circumvent those words and you have to use some other words, which are not the words that you want to use, not the words that you should use. And so now at Everything starts to spiral down, right? It just starts spiraling down, everything just starts going down. So now you're starting to feel this lack of confidence. You're looking around and people are calling like this because they can't quite understand what you're saying and you know it.

So what I want you to do is to listen to me because I'm just going to briefly explain sometimes why this happens. So your natural response has been to, to respond immediately right to jump in and start speaking. What we want to do is to short circuit that right? We want to short circuit that we want to stop that natural response. So what often happens is, someone asks you a question, and if your natural response has been to jump in, there's something called the vous vous salvo valsalva maneuver, right? And what what happens is your Air weighs your air passes, constricts closes off.

And it's the body's way of bracing, right and of actually being able to handle for example lifting or being able to become stronger, right. So when you trap the air in the lungs by closing off the air passage, and also in your rectum, right closes everything off. So no air can come out of here or out of there, closes it off, and you stiffen everything starts to tighten up in the chest, right, tightening your core, so that you become stronger or you become stronger and you're able to handle different things. And this might be good if you need to fight or if you need to brace for something or you're lifting something heavy. But this kind of maneuver is not good when you need to be relaxed and when you need to speak right because you don't want the air passes. Right?

That that you need to be open So air can flow over the vocal cords and create the sound that you don't want that closing off. So what has happened is that your brain has developed a pattern where in certain situations, certain words, certain people, right, certain situations, your brain is, has developed this pattern of closing off the air passes, right, tensing up getting tight. And all of a sudden, everything starts to get cloudy and you can't say what you want to say, Why did this happen? Well, for whatever reason, you had a bad experience, saying something that you wanted to say or not saying what you wanted to say. And your brain recorded that as a memory and it had a significant emotional impact on you. Right?

You remember that it was difficult for you. It might have been embarrassing for you. It may have happened in your child. It may have happened in a meeting or whatever. The brain recorded that. And so now when you're in a similar situation, the brain looks for patterns so that it knows how to automatically respond and react.

Your brain doesn't want to work any harder than it needs to. So it's always creating patterns. Like a program. It's writing programs all the time. So those programs can run automatically. So it doesn't have to use all of its energy every time you do something, right.

Every time you speak. Every time you walk. Every time you drive time you go into a situation, your brain doesn't want to have to analyze and consciously figure out how am I supposed to act? How am I supposed to move? How am I supposed to talk how it doesn't want to do that? what it wants to do is it wants to run the program so that you respond to react automatically.

So it's always writing these little programs every time you face a new situation. Sometimes this takes time, it's habit developments, pattern development. So what happens in so you sit around the table, some says something, all of a sudden the brain says, Okay, this is how we're supposed to scan, run this program, run, run the quick speaking program, runs it and boom, and then you jump in and then everything starts to happen automatic, so you feel like it's out of your control. Well, we don't want that to happen. So what do we have to do? You have to consciously begin to write a new program, write a new script, write, write a new program for yourself.

And one of the ways that we do this is you start to tell yourself, pause, pause for how long? Well, you can pause for like, one to three seconds. So you want to pause, pause for one to three seconds and trust me, it's not a long time may seem a sound like it is. It's really not So someone asked you a question. They say so could you give me a report on the latest bugs in the software? Sure, no problem.

What we found is that there are three bugs that we are struggling with that we're analyzing that we're troubleshooting right now. So notice, I pause from one to three. So you don't have to pause for three seconds, you can pause for one second, two seconds, three seconds, five seconds if you need to. Don't pause too long, so that way, but did you hear me? What's wrong with this word? So just pause, take a pause.

Why do you want to pause because again, your natural reaction and natural response is to jump in, tense up. Why? Why? Because the brain has a program running and it says decide. So what you want to do is you want to begin writing a new program, so that this program stops running, it's still going to be there. But it won't be running anymore.

This new program will be running. How do you write this program? You write it by consciously consciously telling yourself to pause. Will you pause every time that you want to pause? No, you're not. Not initially.

But you keep telling yourself the parties are supposed to pause. I didn't. Okay, next time I pause. Right. And then you pause. Now, I know someone saying okay, that's okay.

If someone asked me a question, what about when I want to initiate same thing? When you want to initiate? There's this okay. I'm going to say something that I can't say. Right? No airs.

I've actually practices right. I've actually put like, a word or something that maybe sometimes I struggle with us Okay, let me just practice in this word. It's like, I'd be by myself. There's no stress. No text is the word doesn't want to come out. It's like my 30s closes up some analyzer Why?

My air passages Just closing up when I want to save this work, right? So what we want to do then is you want to relax yourself. And you want to pause, and we're going to talk about relaxing a little bit later. But we'll talk a little bit about it. Now you want to relax yourself, relax yourself. And you want to pause.

So let's say I want to say something. I want to say it now. I tell myself pause, pause before you say that, right? And in the next video in the next I'm going to tell you what to do to get that those first few words out to get those first few words. That's very, very simple. It's very, very natural to, but you pause first thing you do is you pause.

So someone's talking to you. They ask you something, pause for a second. You want to say something pause before you say it. Then begin to speak now. How do you get it out? If you feel like you're getting stuck, that's what we're going to cover in the next video.

But what I want you to do To begin to tell yourself and to do this to actually pause one to three seconds. There's another reason there's a communication reason for pausing. And that reason is someone's talking. And you jump right in. Sometimes it can be rude. Sometimes it's natural, because versus talking to you jump in, there's ebb and flow, right and give and take.

But sometimes it can be a little rude because it shows that you're already thinking about what you wanted to say, while they were speaking. And you weren't paying full attention to what they're saying, someone's speaking, you're sitting in this UI, right? And they finish and you pause, and then you respond. You let them know, Hey, I was listening to what you said. I was taking it in. And now I have something to say.

So actually, helps you become a better communicator, a better communicator and people love talking with people that listen to them, that pay attention to them. This is absolutely true. There are Obviously some people who will keep going on and you simply have to jump in and you have to interrupt them, right? But often there are people who appreciate the fact that you let them speak. Okay? So pause before you speak.

It's very simple stuff. That's very powerful. It's very, very powerful. Now, what do you do when you want to get those first few words out and that's what we're going to talk about in step three.