Hello and welcome. This is Dina Moray and welcome to Module Three of the client attraction zone to getting clients with confidence program. Let me first check in with you and see are you doing any new awareness about separating your being from your doing? Today we are focusing on all or nothing thinking. That is a thinking style, and it's cousins of perfectionism and procrastination. Actually, all or nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion, who has a twin called personalizing?

And together these four create a dysfunctional family. So how does it work and fit together? All or nothing thinking means you have to have everything in place before moving forward. So before you allow yourself to connect with your clients, the website the Facebook base page, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest YouTube channel must all be set up and perfectly working. And here we proudly call ourselves perfectionists. As if it is a status symbol, where in fact it's a shoot in the foot symbol.

It's just an excuse to stay stuck and not move out of your comfort zone. So you procrastinate and you are so relieved when another week is gone and the damn web designer is still not finished. All these one lot of takes that does not quite express what you what what you mean. Are these an image that's off? To tell yourself that you have a legitimate reason for not getting out there? You are waiting.

Well why? You are waiting for is weighing you down. Sounds familiar? Here's your first exercise on module three on page seven in your workbook. So where do you practice all or nothing thinking in getting in front of your clients, what things you are waiting for or you're waiting for before you take action. Pause the video and complete this exercise before you continue.

The underlying cause of this is of course, fear, fear of failure, rejection, not approved off making a mistake. And also success. Fear occurs because your self worth is on the line, your value is threatened. Again, this makes it about you when something does not go according to plan. You take it personally. And that is personalizing.

Fear stands for false evidence appearing real. You know that I'm sure. So if it's false, it means it is an assumption, right? Assuming the worst ghosts case scenario that evokes the fear, the false is assumption that you make based on the past and predicting that into the present and future. And that adds the drama to your story to these false assumptions becomes the self fulfilling prophecy, predicting the worst case scenario, predicting the rejection or failure or rather, the perceived rejection and or failure and this feeds the victim in US confirming that we are not good enough. So, let's Flip the fear.

Fear is your ego activating your amygdala. That is your fight or flight part of your brain to say red flag red flag. You want to step out of your comfort zone and it may be dangerous. So we need to keep you safe. Look, it takes courage to put yourself out there. We all know that it takes courage to be vulnerable.

Thing is to feel the fear and do it anyway, as Susan Jeffers said in her book, just instead of plowing fourth in a state of fear, let's flip it first. That way, you put fear in its place and plow forth in a resourceful and conference space and the butterflies fly information. This is a combination of the Work of Byron Katie and Nancy Klein with Some additions I picked up along the way. So let's do this exercise. It is on page eight of your workbook. I'm using the fear of rejection as an example.

But you can use whatever fear comes up for you. Okay. I'll read through the questions and then give you time to do the exercise. Question one is, what do you fear about rejection? What are you assuming? That feels fear?

Is this 100% true? give reasons why this might not be true. Because this produce produces counter evidence and it diminishes the power of the fear. set for his work. What is the opposite of the Assumption And give reasons why this maybe true. This opens you up to possibility and lean towards the best case scenario.

If this opposite of the Assumption were true, how would it change the way you look at rejection? And say that assumption happens, what good things can come out of it? the good things that can happen will improve your confidence in yourself and empower you to step out of your comfort zone. Of course, hold in mind your responsibility bubble. The thoughts are yours and unconditional self worth. This is part of your doing.

Number eight, how does that transform your fear of rejection and Your decision how to respond. Okay, so pause the video now and complete this exercise. Okay, how did that work? What did you learn? Look at rejection. The client says no, we talked about this yesterday.

This is not about your value. It's about the situation. It is not about you. It's about their beliefs about the situation. Actually, jack Canfield says that there is no such thing as rejection. Because the situation did not change.

You did not have a client before the conversation and you don't have a client after the conversation. What What have you gained? experience of working your skills, doing a strategy session or discovery call or making an offer? On stage or sending out an email, everything is beneficial. The fear of making a mistake means that there is no learning of a better way of doing something better choice of words, a better state better questions, etc. The fear of failure is also a method and failing is also an all or nothing concept.

Take a test for example, if you get more than 50%, then you pass because you answered 50% of the questions correctly. If you get 80% or even 100%, you still boss. It's about the rules we make for ourselves. And often these rules are the rules of somebody else. What this fear is really about is if you file What does that say? Without you, if you do a strategy session and your client says no, what does it say about you?

It comes back to self worth putting your self worth on the line, which of course you're not doing anymore. fear of success is about the consequences of success. If you become successful, what are you afraid will happen? And again, what will that say about you? here's the kicker, though. concepts like failure and success is mostly viewed as either or instead of being viewed as on a continuum.

I mean, where does it become failure? Take the test again. For an example. It full marks is 100%. And you get 99%. Does that mean you file does that happen when you get 80% same word success.

How do you define success? We are afraid of the kind of success of having thousands of clients speaking from huge stages. Kate, it doesn't happen that way does it? It happens in baby steps. It lets you get used to it. But we reject it because we jump from zero to hero in our mind.

And right out of your comfort zone, it says Whoa, that brings me back to where we started. With all or nothing thinking, perfectionism, procrastinating and personalizing. The thing with perfectionism is that most often, there are no criteria or checklist to measure the perfection of something when you don't have the criteria to evaluate against. The perfectionism is in a vacuum Do you agree? The best practice is when something is 80%. Ready, for example, a presentation or a talk or blog, it's a place to use it, launch it, deliver it, etc.

Because the other 20% is a gray area that might never be perfect. But it is only in working with it that you get to improve the 20% to get it as close as perfection as you can. Here's another exercise with for you on this topic. Go to back to page seven. We're done. Do you display the idea of perfectionism?

And what are your criteria? And what would indicate 80% willingness? Pause the video and answer these questions. Now that you have done that, are you willing to go forward and improve the 20% Does that inspire and empower you? Okay, let's recap. All or nothing thinking keeps you stuck and lets you procrastinate.

And the underlying cause of this is fear. To conquer this perfectionism, all or nothing thinking is to create a list of criteria of what needs to be what needs to be in place for you to move forward and indicate where your 80% mark is, then, to flip fear, is to flip the assumption and show yourself that the fear is ridiculous by asking you self, some questions. This confirms that your self worth is not on the line. This is all about self confidence. And the only way to improve that is by taking it How does this add to your new story and your confidence? How does this impact on your energy?

Putting yourself in your clients position? Looking at you now? What do they see? How much more would you work with you? Would you trust you more? Okay, how was that for you?

Why don't you become aware of realizations? Aha questions? Write them down. Your bonus for this module is the audio of the jacket of calm confidence. That is a process whereby you evoke instant confidence. Is there a jacket you could use a blouse, top sweater or underwear?

Play with this jacket up calm confidence to change your mind body emotional state. feel calm confidence instantly. It's a lot of fun, and it's highly effective. My clients love it and swear by your home play is to look at different fears you have, and use a fear flipper. To make it work for you become aware of where you display behavior of perfectionism, all or nothing thinking and set up a list of criteria and the 80% mark to get you moving forward. I continue with the embodying of superpowers one and two.

Then revisit and expand on your story, or before or before, to see if there was anything that you missed that you want to create the opposite of in the new story of what you want and read your new story for yourself. See it, feel it embodied. Before we go, what are you taking away? See you in the next module and go now and have an awesome day.