Welcome to module four, what to do should feedback backfire? Now, look, guys, I know we would all an idealistic world wants someone to take the feedback we give them and just run with it. Somehow they would be motivated, fired, they would already be there wanting to do the change. But that may not always happen. We are humans, and as we've been discussing through the series, is that people have emotional reactions, triggers, and these things as someone who is giving someone feedback or some things that you should be aware of. So when you're doing this type of work, remember to think about the this.

The three plus rule will be very integral and helping you understand how to move forward in these situations, as well as how to stay grounded because should you know and understand what may pop up, you can be better able to prepare for it and understand how to move beyond it. The first rule, which is my favorite, keep it real. What is it that you think I mean by this? We spend our lives running away from the negative, maybe not even understanding it fully of how we can utilize, let's say negative emotions to motivate us. But in this type of situation, keeping it real means that when something negative pops up, because you give someone feedback, you want to be able to maintain that space so that they understand that the feedback is there to help them to motivate them, and hopefully inspire them to want to change.

Because in the long run, if you take away and you back away from the situation, because this is what usually happens when feedback backfires, we want to run away, we're like, oh, maybe I didn't mean that. You're basically taking away in learning opportunity from a person and helping them become better at their jobs. So keeping it real means that you're like, Look, I know that this may be hard for you to understand or maybe even listened to. But I'm here to help you. And I'm here to understand how we can both move forward so that I can do my job better, and so can you. The next rule is fight self doubt.

Now, this is a natural inclination, and most people have, they don't feel like they have much under their control to be able to change. When it comes to change. I think most of us know that it can be otherwise very difficult, if not almost near impossible. Or at least that's what our minds tell us. So finding this means actually helping the individual understand what is under their control, and either coaching them to understand what's that first small step they can do, or helping them evaluate their options. Because in the long run, the self doubt is just a story.

And if we can move beyond it, we can help someone else also do that. It's to everyone's benefit. This rule is all about bifurcation, which literally means how to separate things side by side. When I talk about avoid praising ability, I want you to understand that you don't necessarily want to praise who the person is, but you want to praise the product or the work that they do. Here's an example. Imagine there's a creative director at your startup.

This creative director is really brilliant at producing ideas. They can just like shoot them out as if there is nothing. But they're really deficient or horrible at the procedural aspect of a business. You don't stay on top of emails, they don't return work calls. They, for some reason, their Google calendars always enough blocks. And when they're in meetings, they're not really there.

So these are all procedural aspects that are their blind spots. And you give me that Feedback is basically attempting to help them understand how to come to their blind spot in a very proactive manner. So that they can be collaborative and moving forward, especially if it affects you. Because imagine if you were someone under Creative Director, and this boss of yours, unfortunately wasn't on top of all these procedural things, it may make your job a living hell. And so for you, the managing up component, what to do, how to give him that type of feedback, so that they actually listen. And you would want to avoid praising them as a creative director, insofar as that may create some sort of cognitive dissonance later on when you do give them feedback.

So remember that because there is a difference, and you want to make sure that you're, you're not praising them, but you're praising their work product. And lastly, it's the rule three, actually, the plus which is positivity counts, in the long run, positive smile, positive disposition, positive vibes. Those all things are things that people really can resonate with. And it brings these, these type of conversations are very sensitive, sometimes high stakes back down, so that in the long run, you guys can have a space to talk about technical things. So remember that these three rules can be your saving grace, and they can be very helpful situations arise with a feedback you give. Unfortunately, backfires.