1 00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:03,570 Unknown: So that that was that was Ghandi. So my own experience 2 00:00:03,570 --> 00:00:06,600 of influence and a lack of it, particularly a lack of 3 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,690 influence. When I was young, I had very little ability to 4 00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:13,860 influence people and experience, plenty of lack in my life as a 5 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:20,010 result, very shy. I was very shy and I know self confidence. And 6 00:00:20,010 --> 00:00:22,560 when you're shy and you have no self confidence, and you don't 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,680 believe in yourself, nobody else believes in you either goes 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:29,430 without saying. But when I developed more ability to 9 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:34,110 influence people, my business took off when I developed more 10 00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:40,350 self worth, self confidence.

And when I was able to how would you 11 00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:48,660 say, enthusiastically express myself? that enthusiasm, really, 12 00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:55,110 people buy into the idea you're trying to share three important, 13 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:58,590 so enthusiasm is obviously really, really important. So how 14 00:00:58,590 --> 00:00:59,970 did I do this? How did 15 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:04,679 How did I go from lack of influence to having quite a 16 00:01:04,679 --> 00:01:07,619 powerful influence, took a bit of time took a bit of time, 17 00:01:07,619 --> 00:01:12,479 because you know what I didn't, I didn't have the understanding 18 00:01:12,479 --> 00:01:16,499 that I'm sharing with you now. I did this all through trial and 19 00:01:16,499 --> 00:01:20,879 error, and hard work and it took time. But I'm teaching you the 20 00:01:20,879 --> 00:01:23,339 quickest way to develop to develop influence, I'm gonna be 21 00:01:23,339 --> 00:01:24,179 sharing with you 22 00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:29,970 some questions you can ask yourself a little bit later, 23 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:34,410 that will help you to be influential, more influential in 24 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:38,010 any situation where you need more interest, like a really 25 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:41,550 powerful so for me, I was fumbling about a lot.

I was 26 00:01:41,550 --> 00:01:45,270 learning the hard way through trial and error, but I developed 27 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:50,580 more influenced by developing greater clarity. But as I said 28 00:01:50,580 --> 00:01:53,940 earlier, clarity is so important and more self confidence and 29 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,310 also giving a voice once I had once I started 30 00:01:57,570 --> 00:02:00,000 once my business was going quite well, I start taking 31 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:05,550 More and more and more stuff. And I developed, I started 32 00:02:05,610 --> 00:02:11,010 realizing that to help my business grow, for my all my 33 00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:15,000 stuff to be happy and work harmoniously together and help 34 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:15,690 each other out. 35 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,130 I had to give them a voice, I had to give them a voice. I had 36 00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:25,920 to enable them to feel heard.

Okay. And by allowing, and also 37 00:02:25,950 --> 00:02:28,980 allowing staff and clients to feel valued and appreciate when 38 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:33,210 you feel valued and appreciated. People look up to you and 39 00:02:33,210 --> 00:02:37,410 respect you and listen to you. Okay, so this all happened 40 00:02:37,410 --> 00:02:42,480 naturally just to realizing, you know, I needed to give more to 41 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:47,580 everyone in order to gain more. But if you give to get doesn't 42 00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:51,690 work as well, but when you develop a sincere caring 43 00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:55,500 attitude, it comes back a hundredfold other fold and also 44 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:59,340 helps employees feel they're a part of something people feel 45 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:00,000 that 46 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:03,270 They were part of something important. And I shared my long 47 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:06,390 term vision with them, which was not really about business, it 48 00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:11,040 was more humanitarian type work, okay.

And also by enabling each 49 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:14,910 employee to discover their own resourcefulness. At first, any 50 00:03:14,910 --> 00:03:18,450 of my staff would have problems or difficulties and work, I 51 00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:22,470 would jump in and try and sort of fix a problem. And I realize 52 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,690 that's holding them back from learning all sorts of new 53 00:03:24,690 --> 00:03:30,420 skills. So when when I realized I needed to hold back a bit, and 54 00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:34,320 trust that they would be it would have the ability to figure 55 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:40,170 things out, they became so much more capable, so much more 56 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:44,400 empowered, so much more, feeling good about themselves and 57 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:49,650 valued. And for far more powerful people need those sort 58 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:52,710 of feelings. So at first I used to jump in and try and fix 59 00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:55,620 everything for everyone.

Then I realized that that's actually 60 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,040 that's actually taking away from them all sorts of wonderful 61 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,000 growing opportunity. 62 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,470 So, this is how I developed influence gradually, okay? And 63 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:08,880 it worked like wonders. And I eventually was able to get other 64 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,840 people to really buy into my vision. A lot of other people. 65 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:16,350 And so this has happened organically and slowly.

But as I 66 00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:20,730 say, I'm giving you the keys to enable you to become a person of 67 00:04:20,730 --> 00:04:23,310 influence in any area of your life in every area of your life 68 00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:28,170 far more quickly. Okay. So that's, that's myself, no, this 69 00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:31,830 is an amazing book. This is how to win friends and influence 70 00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:34,830 people. I'm going to look at a summary of it. I'm going to 71 00:04:34,830 --> 00:04:38,880 categorize that summary in different ways.

I am someone who 72 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:44,310 I, someone close to me some time ago said, Oh, how to win friends 73 00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:48,450 and influence people. That's an awful book that's all about 74 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:53,850 manipulating people. I says, Have you read it? Because it's 75 00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:57,540 one of the best sellers of all time either. Everyone is selfish 76 00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,880 and mean and nasty who reads this already? 77 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,620 Or else.

The title is just written for sell books, because 78 00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:08,520 people do want to win friends and people do want to be in more 79 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,240 influential. And she said, Well, actually, No, I haven't. I said, 80 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,220 Well, you should, because it's one of the best books I've ever 81 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:18,000 read. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale 82 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,390 Carnegie is all about learning how to show 83 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:27,030 true interest in people. Learning how to show them real 84 00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:33,450 respect, and helping. It's it's a way it can help you to become 85 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:37,050 a master communicator, where when you spend time with someone 86 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:43,140 they feel so listened to, and heard and understood.

Naturally, 87 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:48,630 that person can be influenced by you much more powerfully than if 88 00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:51,120 you're a selfish gift. He doesn't listen to anything they 89 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:55,740 say. Just makes sense. Okay, so a summary, how to make yourself 90 00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:59,370 likable as I say How to Win Friends. How do you make 91 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:00,000 yourself likeable? 92 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,940 How do you make yourself more likeable to anyone?

Right 93 00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:08,610 simple, smile, smile when you're talking with them. Remember the 94 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:13,680 names of others. This one, this is one I still have difficulty 95 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,910 with and I have to, I find the easiest way is to recite their 96 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:21,570 name several times in my mind and associated with another 97 00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:25,110 person have the same name or a similar sounding name. But it's 98 00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:31,740 important to do this to make people really like you. People 99 00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:35,250 love to hear their own names. It says some of these psychological 100 00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:39,060 facts people love when you say their name when you're in 101 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:40,020 conversation with them.

102 00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:44,910 Also become genuinely interested in other people not fakers. Not 103 00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:48,480 pretends to be genuinely to be interested in what they're 104 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:53,550 saying, but show us by really listening really care looking 105 00:06:53,550 --> 00:06:56,430 straight in the eyes. Very simple thing very powerful. 106 00:06:56,820 --> 00:07:00,000 Also, how to make people make yourself 107 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,660 likeable, be a good listener, encourage others to talk about 108 00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:06,990 themselves, encourage others to talk about themselves rather 109 00:07:06,990 --> 00:07:11,310 than you talking about them or about about yourself. If they 110 00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,080 ask you Fine, fine, but 111 00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:18,450 focus most of your your time on listening and asking them to 112 00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:20,730 talk about themselves because you know what? We're given two 113 00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:25,380 ears and only one mouth.

So really, if we wants to be more 114 00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:29,130 influential, and make more friends, and show us ourselves 115 00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:32,220 of being really caring, we need to listen twice as more than we 116 00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:37,860 speak. Okay? And also people crave appreciation. People don't 117 00:07:37,860 --> 00:07:41,430 feel appreciated. This is the cause of all sorts of problems 118 00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:46,470 in the world. But when you when you show appreciation to people, 119 00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:51,210 but if you shower them with appreciation, not just flattery, 120 00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:56,130 no, just really show genuine appreciation.

Once again, you 121 00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:59,580 become much more influential and much more liked and also talk 122 00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,000 about what's 123 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,490 important to them, not necessarily what's important to 124 00:08:02,490 --> 00:08:05,760 you that can come later. But first of all, find out what's 125 00:08:05,790 --> 00:08:07,140 most important to them. 126 00:08:08,189 --> 00:08:11,009 Find out their interests, find out their interest in you find 127 00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:15,029 that there'll be some common denominator. There'll be some 128 00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:18,689 parallels to your own life. And then you can talk even you can 129 00:08:18,689 --> 00:08:21,809 discuss at a much deeper level, okay? It could be a really 130 00:08:21,809 --> 00:08:25,199 profound conversation, and make the other person feel important.

131 00:08:25,709 --> 00:08:30,539 And do it sincerely, once again, not flattery. flattery is a way 132 00:08:30,539 --> 00:08:32,459 of manipulating people. It's not very nice. 133 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:37,020 And I'm sure you've experienced times when people have been 134 00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:41,550 flattering to you. And people have really made you feel 135 00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:45,180 important, sincerely and genuinely have viewed you in 136 00:08:45,180 --> 00:08:49,200 that light. The difference the feeling difference and feeling 137 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,070 is huge.

So make other people feel important and do it 138 00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:57,210 sincerely. And also avoid arguments, avoid arguments. I 139 00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:59,880 know it's very hard to avoid arguments in life. But if you're 140 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:00,000 an 141 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,450 In a situation where you want to really wants to prevent someone 142 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:07,500 you want to become their friend, and vice versa, avoid all 143 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:11,820 arguments, and never criticize others at this as this will not 144 00:09:11,820 --> 00:09:14,670 help you get your way. Do you think you can get your way if 145 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:18,150 you criticize people? Not really.

And we all do it at 146 00:09:18,150 --> 00:09:23,520 various times, but the when we minimize our criticism, because 147 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,590 sometimes criticism is necessary. We'll get onto that 148 00:09:25,620 --> 00:09:29,880 in the next slide. But when you minimize criticism, especially 149 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,520 when you're making new friends, you don't want to criticize at 150 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:40,410 all. It can enrich friendships deeply. So that that's how to, 151 00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:44,340 how to become a great friend How to Win Friends.