1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,690 Unknown: If you want someone to change, okay, you're in a 2 00:00:03,690 --> 00:00:07,560 situation a difficult situation that must change. And you want 3 00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:13,020 you think the other person has a fault. All sorts of problems are 4 00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:18,000 resolved to the other person. Maybe Maybe not. But if you 5 00:00:18,030 --> 00:00:22,020 wants to influence them to change, and these are the steps 6 00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:25,200 you need to take, be lavish and generous with your praise and 7 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,580 appreciation mentioned a moment ago, you need to praise them. 8 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,220 You need to show them appreciation, you need to get 9 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:35,760 into the, into the state where you can where you're actually 10 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:40,980 feeling appreciation to them, even if it's just appreciating 11 00:00:40,980 --> 00:00:43,260 the third enabling you to grow but you need to get into that 12 00:00:43,260 --> 00:00:47,160 state of appreciating Okay, and you need to praise them and show 13 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:47,250 it 14 00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:48,210 sincerely.

15 00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:51,930 You also need to praise the slightest improvement and praise 16 00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:57,660 every improvement. If someone you're trying to help change and 17 00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:58,260 grow. 18 00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:01,680 It's To see just the slightest 19 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:02,340 improvement 20 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,730 in need to 21 00:01:05,910 --> 00:01:08,820 acknowledge that improvement and say well done, because you know 22 00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:13,830 what? When you say well done, something happens within them, 23 00:01:13,890 --> 00:01:20,190 and they want to improve even more. It's just a natural, human 24 00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:24,480 way of behavior. It's one of those core behaviors.

When 25 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,270 someone praises you, even for something very small, you 26 00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:31,800 naturally want to do even better, okay? And admit your own 27 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,650 mistakes openly and freely. If you're in a conversation with 28 00:01:34,650 --> 00:01:38,250 someone where you need to discuss something that's not 29 00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:41,970 particularly nice and pleasant, and you really need to point out 30 00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,800 Look, you've done something wrong there. It's really hard 31 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,440 for what it's caused this problem. You need to first 32 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:50,700 acknowledge your own mistakes, say, look, you know, I do if I 33 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:54,420 were in your position, what you've done completely 34 00:01:54,420 --> 00:01:59,070 understand, I if I would have done the same sort of thing, or 35 00:01:59,070 --> 00:02:02,400 I have done the same sort of thing in the past and really 36 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:06,480 show you admit your own mistakes, okay?

And also talk 37 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,510 about your own. Yeah, talk about your own mistakes, talk about 38 00:02:09,510 --> 00:02:09,720 them 39 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,360 before criticizing other person, 40 00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:17,460 okay. So, if tough words have to be said, you need to show your 41 00:02:17,460 --> 00:02:22,980 own vulnerabilities and mess ups in the past before you can ask 42 00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:27,780 someone before you can actually openly discuss the thing that 43 00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:32,700 they have done that caused upset okay? And ask questions instead 44 00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:36,540 of giving direct orders, nobody likes directors, but when you 45 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,960 know all of this, if there is a situation in your life or you 46 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:45,540 need someone to change, you need to plan that conversation. But 47 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:48,300 these are these are the elements that you need to pay attention 48 00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:52,110 to ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

So what 49 00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:56,520 sort of questions will you need to ask another person 50 00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,970 planning this out in advance? 51 00:03:01,319 --> 00:03:06,029 can reap incredible dividends. So a bit of planning involved 52 00:03:06,029 --> 00:03:10,349 here and let the other person save face. As I said earlier, if 53 00:03:10,349 --> 00:03:13,319 someone has really done something that they was stupid 54 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:18,209 or wrong, of course suffering on some level, let them say face 55 00:03:18,659 --> 00:03:22,799 by, you know saying something like, you know, I've done the 56 00:03:22,799 --> 00:03:27,209 same sort of thing myself or it's so understandable that 57 00:03:27,809 --> 00:03:31,229 given your situation that you would do that, you have to let 58 00:03:31,229 --> 00:03:36,779 people say face, okay, and then trust, great trust is built 59 00:03:37,049 --> 00:03:43,889 desire in that person is ignited to change.

Okay, arousing the 60 00:03:43,889 --> 00:03:47,699 other person, an eager desire. This takes a bit of skill, a bit 61 00:03:47,699 --> 00:03:53,159 of work, but it's absolutely possible for you. If you plan 62 00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:56,459 your communications, your difficult communications okay. 63 00:03:57,089 --> 00:04:02,159 So that's that's difficulty. difficult conversations. So how 64 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:05,339 to win people to your way of thinking, okay?

In this case, 65 00:04:06,149 --> 00:04:10,049 you have some project or NGO and you need other people on board. 66 00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:14,639 You need other people to be involved in your dream. This 67 00:04:14,639 --> 00:04:18,779 this, this, this is how to do it. Once again, Third time's 68 00:04:18,779 --> 00:04:22,259 running, avoid on arguments really important. Number two, 69 00:04:22,319 --> 00:04:25,409 respect the other person's opinions. Never say you're 70 00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:30,269 wrong.

Okay? really listen, respect their opinion. Never say 71 00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:33,809 you're wrong. And if you're if you if you 72 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,500 yourself 73 00:04:34,530 --> 00:04:38,220 around, admitted quickly and emphatically, make it really 74 00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:39,450 clear. I'm really sorry. 75 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,640 I made a big mistake 76 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,860 here.

I'm completely wrong in the wrong when you come across 77 00:04:46,860 --> 00:04:51,810 like that the other person opens okay. And begin in a friend. 78 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,510 Obviously, begin your conversation in a friendly way. 79 00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:58,560 Get the other person saying yes, yes, yes. Right from the start 80 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,460 because you know, If if the person you're communicating with 81 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,660 start saying yes, yes. And you're, you're asking them 82 00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:11,070 questions where the answer is yes.

It's very hard for them to 83 00:05:11,070 --> 00:05:17,700 say no. When you explain to them, what you need them how you 84 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:21,810 need them to help you very hard for them to say no, it's once 85 00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:25,710 again, it's one of these psychological mechanisms that we 86 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:30,420 all have this the way the mind works, okay? Let the other 87 00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:32,970 person do a great deal of the talking. Once again, we have two 88 00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:37,440 ears, only one mouth, and let the other person feel that the 89 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,770 your idea the idea you're presenting is actually his or 90 00:05:40,770 --> 00:05:43,830 her own identity. You can do this by asking the right 91 00:05:43,830 --> 00:05:47,550 questions, you can steer people in a certain way, okay? So try 92 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:51,090 honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

93 00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:57,000 Put your feet in their shoes. Imagine from their perspective, 94 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,420 once again, when you change your perspective, the other person's 95 00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:04,260 perspective changes. It's them the body and the shadow. The 96 00:06:04,260 --> 00:06:09,240 body bends, the shadow bends. The other Pressel is mirroring 97 00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:13,800 yourself, okay, be sympathetic with the other person's ideas 98 00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:18,060 and desires really, really important and appeal to the 99 00:06:18,090 --> 00:06:25,260 nobler motives. So that goes without saying, when you appeal 100 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:31,290 to people's compassion and care and the right thing to do, all 101 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:35,490 those sort of things, people are much more likely to say, okay, 102 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,200 and dramatize your ideas make them exciting.

Because the 103 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,440 greatest The greatest communicators, both positive and 104 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:48,090 negative, have stimulated people's emotions. And 105 00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:51,870 obviously, you want to stimulate powerful positive emotions. When 106 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:57,480 you're enthusiastic and you speak with vigor, an energy, it 107 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,960 affects you the personal profile is so great amortize your ideas, 108 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,950 don't make them crazy. But make them put them in a way where 109 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:07,680 they're exciting. They're exciting because if your ideas 110 00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:11,220 are not exciting, and you need someone to help you achieve 111 00:07:11,220 --> 00:07:17,400 them, nothing happens. So make your ideas exciting.

So that's 112 00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:20,460 winning people to your way of thinking. And finally, yeah, 113 00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:24,750 throw down a challenge. This is another way the brain is wired. 114 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:29,730 The way the mind works the way our psychology is, people like 115 00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:32,340 challenges you might think, like challenges, nobody likes 116 00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:36,330 challenges, will actually do challenges that stretch their 117 00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:40,200 life if they feel that they're progressing. And you throw down 118 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,310 a challenge that stretches them even more. This this inbuilt 119 00:07:44,370 --> 00:07:47,520 desire to go for that bigger challenge.

It's just the way 120 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,730 they're, as I say, the mind works. So throw down a 121 00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:54,900 challenge, throw down a challenge. So this is a very 122 00:07:54,900 --> 00:08:01,980 powerful set of what would you say elements That will help you 123 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:07,110 to win other people to your way of thinking. Okay, so that's how 124 00:08:07,110 --> 00:08:11,190 to win friends and influence people. amazing book. Well worth 125 00:08:11,730 --> 00:08:15,390 reading well worth reading.

In fact, I've never read the book 126 00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:18,420 but I've listened to the audio version about six or seven 127 00:08:18,420 --> 00:08:20,790 times. It's just amazing.