Glad you've returned to the course, I hope last lesson was was eye opening for you. self reflection could put us in a vulnerable state, you might have feelings of inadequacy or shame. I am right there with you. I thought about these. These press precious angels I used to teach my classroom I used to teach third grade on a Native American reservation in Arizona. I loved these children that I got to teach.

Some of them came from really rough home lives and how they looked up to me as their teacher. And I was an active and engaged teacher. But I remember times when I'd be so ill tempered and so easy to displease. My heart rate would would spike and I'm sure my face would get beat red and looking back I feel ashamed of how I acted. In those instances, but I didn't have the knowledge base that I have now, I was doing my best when sometimes emotions got the best to me. So like I said, it starts with self awareness.

So like me, you you might have let your emotions take over certain points. But we're going to start fresh. Trust me, your kid will forgive you. I'm proud of you for identifying in yourself the things you would like to change now, and from here on, I promise, if you stick with me, I will be your coach to help you self identify and then create lasting change to become a better parent to create more positive relationships with your kids. I'm on your side, I will provide you practical tools you'll need so let's pick up where we left off. Hopefully you're starting to get a bird's eye view of your current relationship with your child.

This lesson is going to send this up a bit further in To the sky to get a better view. Now a good way to visualize our interactions with our children is to think on a scale. On one side of a scale, you have appropriate behaviors, sitting calmly, being patient sharing with others. And on the other side of the scale, you have inappropriate behaviors, aggression, pinching out of their seat, whatever it may be. Now, of course, there's there's a variation of intensity, duration frequency of these behaviors. So when you think about the scale, you want to think, where am I spending my energy?

Where am I getting my child attention? Is it on the appropriate side or the inappropriate side? Now studies show that for us to carry on a positive relationship with our children, or any human 80% of our interactions need to be positive and that makes sense right? They About your best friend or think about your sibling. If your percentage of interactions with them are less than 80%, your interactions were not very positive. In fact, if the percentage was lower, like 50% or 25% positive, you probably wouldn't want to hang out with that person.

You would consider it a hassle to be around that person. So the same thing goes with our children. We have to think about that daily. Where am I spending my time on the behavior scale? I think about that kid who's in the classroom. The kid who's getting his name called over and over.

Joey, sit down, Joey. Joey, get back here. Don't do that. Stop Joey. Constantly, his inappropriate behavior is getting all the attention and all of a sudden, Joey's at his chair sitting down doing his work quietly now Nothing happens. The teacher may be thinking, finally he's sitting down and not bothering anyone.

The teacher might still be upset about Joey and his behavior and think he doesn't deserve acknowledgement for his appropriate behavior. Because he's going to be a nuisance here so soon anyway. So what's Joey learning, he learns that his inappropriate behaviors get some sort of attention even though it's perceived as negative tension. And this may continue for school year after school year, until he's become such a problem for the for the classroom and that teachers throw up their hands defeat. So again, self awareness is our first step in changing our behavior. And when you're aware of your interactions, those daily miniscule interactions, and how they add up over time, if you're not aware, before we know it, our child is in their teenage years and our relationship has suffered.

So oftentimes, with my own children or kids I work with, I'm thinking, hmm, I've been playing with this kid for the past five minutes. And I've brought zero attention to their positive behaviors. They're doing what I want. They're doing what I like to see, sitting sharing falling directions. I need to be proactive in bringing attention to those behaviors that I'd like to see more of. It doesn't happen all the time.

But I want to show these behaviors are what I want to see. And when those behaviors happen. Good things happen. You get more attention from your mom or dad from your teacher. And yes, of course, I'm going to correct her inappropriate behaviors and no, I'm not allowing them to get away with everything. And no, I'm not trying to just be their friend.

I again, I'm just showing them with my own behavior, that when their behavior is appropriate, good things happen when inappropriate behaviors occur their desired outcome most likely won't take place. So think back to the boss, or or even your own spouse. You wouldn't want them mainly interacting with you to reprimand you to give you demands all day long, nitpicking everything you do. He rarely thinks me, doesn't even acknowledge me for my effort or praise me for the things I did, right. That's rough. So here's today's assignment.

Now I could make you make a tally for every appropriate and inappropriate behavior and see if you hit the 80%. What I'm more interested to see if if you can purposely change five of your interactions today. Just as you're about to focus on the negative, change it and say something positive to your kid just five times. See if you can do it. See if it gets a smile educator Perhaps, weird glance, changing our behavior takes small purposeful and consistent steps. And you got this share with your friend or spouse a few of those interactions say I was about to, but then I chose to.

So complete this assignment. And then feel free to jump to that next lesson because we're going to have some more fun