Now here's the fun one. Here's what you're going to try to avoid when your child is doing something inappropriate. So, inappropriate can mean many different things could be talking back or pinching, kicking. And when your child's doing something inappropriate, here's what to avoid. You want to first avoid escalating with your child. If your child's energy level escalates, and you escalate along with them.

Here's what's gonna happen. When your child escalates, eventually they're going to de escalate, and now they're ready to engage with us like nothing happened. But we as adults, we're going to still be escalated. So the child is going to come up to us to say, okay, Mommy, I'm done. I'm ready to play. And we're still going to be escalating and we're gonna say no, not right now.

I I am not ready. I you Stay over there. So we must stay calm. And the strategies in this course will help you to stay more calm. And just knowing the principles we discussed in Module Two, may help you become a reminder in ourselves the reason behind your child's behavior, trying to be the best boss we can be. Another thing we want to avoid is placating or negotiating with our child.

Think about that child whose whose arms are crossed at the table. Now, if we give in to that behavior, give that behavior value. We say, Please, three more bites. 2211 more bite, who's in control in this situation? The child right behavior, putting their arms up has become very valuable for them. It gets them less and less of what they want.

They know exactly what to do the next time they don't want to eat it. Maybe dad says, Well, he needs to eat. I'm going to go make him some mac and cheese. He needs something in his belly. So you're kid knows the next time there's something on the plate, he doesn't want arms back up, that he's gonna make me that mac and cheese eventually. So, remember that when you're having your child do inappropriate behaviors don't negotiate.

I'll negotiate up the wazoo if the kid is acting appropriately. Sure, you just want one more buy in, that's fine. You've been doing such a good job eating today. Remember, these are just just things to avoid when your child is doing something inappropriate. Another thing to avoid is saying, No. Hmm.

Let me just state that I work with some extreme behaviors, kids with aggression, self injurious behaviors, foul language. Even when I'm working with these children, I rarely say no. My thought is, I'd much rather give them an alternative. Think back to the boss if your boss just told you know, when you made a mistake. Okay, we'll train me properly. Teach me to instruct me how you want me to do this and to help me develop my skill.

This is a really important point to get across because it may sound like I just let kids get away with problematic behaviors. I don't say no, that is not the case at all. In my mind, I'm constantly thinking of behaviors that I want to see more of and behaviors I want to see decrease. I almost always bring up and talk to children about their inappropriate behaviors. But here's the important part. I do it after some time has passed 10 minutes 20 minutes later, later that evening, I'm going to be much more able to listen and my child is going to be much more able to communicate their feelings.

Tell me what was going on earlier at dinnertime or what was going on with your sister. You can even ask the why question at this time. Now you're truly looking for the rationale and you're looking not to reprimand or or shame them. So another thing that's a little controversial, but I avoid timeout I have a six year old, a three year old and a one year old. And honestly, not once have I ever used a timeout, not because my, my kids are perfect angels. That is not the case at all.

But it's because I'm constantly teaching them an alternative. Sometimes a child needs to calm down and I'll help them learn how to calm down. They learn how to be more appropriate. By the way, I think about timeouts like an adult, there's no place in society where someone's going to come up to you and tell you, you need to timeout you need to go off and calm yourself might be a physical altercation. If that happened, you must learn how to regulate your emotions. So you're able to be around other people be around friends.

Think about your son that just came up and kicked you in the shin to get a candy bar. And now he's got a timeout and he never learned what to do next time. He wants a candy bar. Last thing I would say is to not take your child's inappropriate behavior, even backtalk. Don't take it personally because what your child is trying to do is trying to communicate with you and they're just going about it in a weird way. They're taking this back country route, to try to get their outcome to that purpose of their behavior.

Let's just help them learn a more direct route. Take the freeway, this is going to be a much more effective way and efficient way to get what you want. They want a candy bar, a teddy bear a toy off the shelf, teach them how to get it, they want to get out of something I want to get out of cleaning the room, get out of bathtime teach them how to get it. They want to get an attention, teach them a very efficient and effective way and appropriate way to get what they want. So we don't want to take it personally. We want to just teach them a much easier route to get what they want.

We need to communicate this clearly to our children. So far, we've covered the foundational behavior concepts Remember the boss phrases, the behavior scale, the functions of behavior. We've gone over what to do and what to avoid. Now you're ready for the primary strategies that guide me every day with my own children and children I work with. You can use them for any situation with your children. I'm so excited to share them with you.

So head on over to the next lesson and I'll see you there