Let's take a look at use respect to help us to resolve conflicts. The first thing is to separate the person from the problem. It's vital that you continue to respect the person, even if their behavior is inappropriate and not worthy of your respect. So try to see through the behavior. If you must chastise the person for their behavior, but don't attack them. They are not their behavior.

Remember that in times of conflict, our emotional centers are particularly active, which means that the rational centers of our brain are not so active. It's quite possible that when you're in conflict with somebody, they don't have full control over their behavior. And you know, that's true because I bet you've been in conflict. I bet you haven't always had full control over your behavior. And the other thing is to recognize that what matters is the outcomes that you and the other person want, rather than the starting positions that each of you assert. Because when we get into conflict, we are ready to negotiate.

It's just that we're going to start negotiating from extreme positions, not just our ideal negotiating position, but sometimes we want the world those positions or not the endpoint of conflict. Whilst both of you try to cling to those positions, you will never resolve your conflict. So start to work on finding out what outcomes really matter both to you and to the other person. The second way in which respect is relevant to resolving conflict that I want to talk about is the way we use language. And in particular, the way we use pronouns, words like I and me, a new and you're now we'll set aside all of the third person pronouns he, she, it, they them, and focus on the first and second person, me and you because how we use the words me and I and my and mine, on the one hand and you and your and yours, on the other will leak messages about our respect for ourselves and our respect for the other person.

It's kind of like each type of pronoun the first person and the second person pronouns have a light side and a dark side. Let's start with I and me and mine with the first person pronouns. The light side is when you use them to take responsibility to recognize That you have a part to play. I would like to resolve this problem. The mistake was mine. The Dark Side though, is when we use AI and me mind to hint at the fact that our point of view is more important than yours.

I want this, that resource over there is my resource. Those just sound selfish. Now let's take a look at you and your and yours. The light side of the second person pronoun is when we use you, your yours to recognize the other person and engage with them. I'd like to hear your point of view. Or I recognize that those resources are yours.

But I would like to borrow the dark side is when we use Where you are you're in a blaming way, or an accusatory way or in a judgmental way. You are always causing problems for this unit. The mistake was yours. Why did you do that? The trouble with you is you get point. So I mean mine.

They have a light side they have a dark side. Use the first person pronoun to take responsibility and you your and yours like to have a light side and a dark side. Use the second person pronoun to engage and build relationships.