Resistance comes in layers. And like an onion, each layer is hotter than the last. So here's my onion model of resistance is the first layer of the onion is when people resist by saying something like this. I don't understand what you're saying. This is about confusion. And the way to respond to this kind of resistance is to find another way of explaining it to them, because the way you explained it to them before, didn't work.

Once they understand it, we get to the second layer. I don't understand why you're saying this. This is about credibility. It comes in two flavors. The first is when they say, I don't understand why you're saying this. Please explain it to me.

So I can understand why you're saying it. And as a result, you respond by giving more detail and a better explanation so that they can understand the reasoning behind your assertion. The second flavor is more complex because what they're saying is course I understand what you're saying. I also understand what you're saying, and I don't get why you would say that. Because you're talking across purposes, you're having a conversation and they're understanding one thing when a conversation, you're understanding another and they're clashing, you're on your way to conflict. And that clash is because their internal filters mean their interpretation of what you're saying is not the interpretation you meant.

Consequently, you have to figure out which filters are getting in the way and correct their mis interpretation. Otherwise, that will undermine your credibility in their eyes. Now, the third layer may not be the hottest, but it's often the most important. I don't like what you're saying. This is about the content of your proposition. And again, there are two reasons they may say this.

And the first is the obvious one. from their point of view, it's wrong. It's gonna be bad for them. And therefore, why should they like it? They're gonna be worse off. And you know what?

Sometimes people are worse off as a result of your proposals. And you have to have the courage to look them in the eye and say, I know you are going to be worse off. These are the things we can do to help to mitigate it. Because if you lie to them, so don't worry, be fine. Then you will eventually get caught on that lie you will undermine any potential for future trust. But the second reason they say I don't like what you're saying isn't about how it affects them.

It's how they perceive it. might affect something that they value. Or it might be that they think you're about to make a mistake. He may be giving you a genuinely important message and you need to sit up and listen, you need to turn off that inner voice that's trying to argue with them, and listen to why they think you're wrong, why they don't like it, because there's a chance that you are wrong. And you know, the secret to being right all the time is to be agile enough to change your mind quickly. As soon as you find out, you're wrong.

The fourth level is hotter still. It's when they say something like, I don't like being told. This is about confidence. It's about their fear, that what you're saying may be bad for them and they're reacting against it. This is pumping up the emotional level and it's starting, starting to agitate the levels of respect between you and them. Next Often because their level of respect for themselves, their self confidence is actually weak.

And so they lash out against you. So the way you've got to respond to that is to build their confidence to show them that it's a perfectly reasonable thing for them to entertain it and that they can be fine with this idea with this change, then you get very close to the center. It's not about what you're saying. The fifth level, resistance is when they say something like, I don't like you. It's about emnity. It's about them choosing to fight against you.

And often it's not you they're fighting against is what you represent in their mind. You are the organization you are that talented person that they're jealous of. or frankly, they got up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning. They're angry and you happen to be in the way This isn't about the ideas or the imposed change. It is about history or something going on. You can't deal with that.

As part of arguing about the ideas and the changes, you have to deal with that separately. And it's worth noting that there is a sixth layer, it is the inside of the onion, the rotten core, some people will resist any idea because I like to. I like to resist. It's just what they do. It's just the way that wired. Something went wrong at an early stage in their life, and resisting everything is their default position.

You know what? Unless you're a therapist, right, nothing you can do about it. My first piece of guidance to you is always always respond to the resistance at the level. It is expressed whether you think something deeper is going on or not. It's just plain respectful to take people at their word. And if something is going on at a deeper level, if they're expressing the resistance at the higher level, they may still genuinely have that resistance.

If you don't deal with it, and going straight to the lower level, you're still gonna leave something orphaned. And secondly, once you've dealt with the resistance you've encountered if there is still more resistance, that's the point to peel the onion one layer at a time and deal with the next level of resistance. The Onion model will help you to diagnose the resistance you encounter, and play the right respectful response.