Listening is a vital skill. So let's understand how to do it really well. Because Curiously, although we all know how to listen, very few of us have ever been taught. It's not something that's properly covered at school or university or in professional exams. And the first step in listening well, is to put yourself out of the way to be curious about what the other person has to say. Imagine there's a little mini me version of you put it in the corner mentally, so that it is not in a way and you are 100% there and present for the other person.

And the second thing is that voice in your head, isn't it? It's going on about what you've got to do after this meeting. Or how you're going to respond to what the other persons saying the argument you're going to make, what you need to do is to mentally turn down the volume knob. So that voice quiet and quiet, turn it down and down until silence. Turn off the voice in your head. And the third step is to pay attention to your listening because turning off that voice in your head and putting your own thoughts, perspectives, opinions, values, judgments, prejudices, biases out of the way, it's difficult.

So as you're listening to the other person, periodically, notice the quality of your listening and if your own thoughts are starting to intrude or you're starting to judge what the other person is saying or evaluated before it's the right time to evaluate it. Turn the volume down. Push yourself out of the way. And of course, the fourth step is to let me know you're listening. appropriate responses. Aha, I see.

Understand, nodding, leaning in at the right time leaning out at the right time. These are the tag words and body language that tell the other person you're listening. They know you're engaged, and they can relax in telling you their story. But all this is difficult. It's also it feels a bit dangerous, because when they stop speaking, you haven't been planning in your head for how you're gonna respond. So there's a silence.

It might be an awkward silence. But here's the magic. If they've asked you a long and difficult question, and you've already planned your answer, so that as soon as they stop speaking, you say, Aha, yes, I know the answer. What are you really saying to them? You're really saying I know Use the answer quickly, because your question was easy. And your question was easy because you're stupid.

If on the other hand, they stop speaking, and you have to think for a while before answering, what you're saying is, hmm, it's a good question. I need to think about that. Far more respectful. And if you're having an argument, and they're speaking and you're planning your response, then as soon as they stop speaking, you dive in with your response. What if that response is to what you thought they were going to say, rather than what they actually said? How foolish really look.

If, on the other hand, they stopped speaking, and you're silent, or you plan your response. If they're not comfortable with that silence, and they won't be there, they may fill it with more information. And the more they repeat themselves, the less powerful their argument is. And if they don't repeat themselves, they give you new information. That might be valuable. So here is my simple tip for success in communication.

In a conversation, the person who is most comfortable with silence will be able to dominate that conversation.