Listening is going to be a powerful tool for you, not only in avoiding conflict in the first place back in resolving it, if it persists. So let's start by understanding the four levels of which listening occurs and the most shallow the first level. It's just pretending. Come on. We've all done it. Probably in the last 24 hours or so.

You know what's happening. someone's talking to you, but you're not interested. So you pretend you kind of Norden. Shake your head at the right sort of times, but you're not listening. You're not taking anything in. It's no good at all.

The next level is barely any better. This is selecting. You've got two conversations going on in one ear. Is your mother on the phone telling you all about her weekend. What's gonna happen next weekend on the ice Yeah, is the television or the radio or something you're interested in. And that's what you're selecting.

The thing about humans is our ability to do dichotic listening. So take in two information sources, but what we can't do is properly appreciate them both we have to select and in this case, you've probably selected the TV. However, when your brain captures a salient, relevant, important piece of information, your mother says, so we'll see you next Sunday. What do you say what you do is to play back the last six or seven seconds or so of what she said. And you kind of hope that in that time, there's enough information to tell you what you need to know. And there doesn't have to be an external voice.

It doesn't have to be another conversation, the other side of the partition in your office that is grabbing your attention, and you're selecting it. It could be The voice in your head. If you're selecting the voice in your head while someone else is speaking, you are not properly listening to them you're selecting, and therefore you're not paying them the respect and the attention it takes to fully understand what they're saying. It's the third level that you need for most workplace conflict avoidance, and de escalation. And this is attending, attending is good, solid listening. It's active listening, it's paying attention to what is being said.

And as a result, you say, Uh huh. And you shake your head and nod your head at the right times to show that you're listening. I was little tag phrases that exist in every language, but they're different in each language, but they're there. And therefore, because you're paying attention, you're able to notice what's being said and interpreted robustly. So, if attending is so good, what could be better? The fourth level of listening is empathizing.

This is when you're listening between the lines, you're listening not just to what he said to what is not said. Because empathizing is about recognizing body language. It's about interpreting the difference between what said and the way it said. empathizing allows you access to the other person's emotions, which is really valuable if you're trying to start the process of de escalating conflict, or if you're trying to avoid conflict escalating in the first place. The danger with empathizing though, is that if I start to share some of your emotions, some of your frustration, your bitterness, your anger, your fear, your grief. Then if those emotions are what preventing you from acting resourcefully, irrationally and I start to share them and how am I going to help us resolve the conflict?

So too much empathy can actually pump up conflict. So there you have it, three levels of listening. the shallowest is pretending and then they're selecting, then there's attendee, the deepest level of all is empathizing. Once you understand that you can choose which is the right level of listening for the situation. And when it comes to conflict, that is always going to be attending or amplifies