What if What if your relationship breaks down as a result of unresolved conflict? It's happened to me. So I want to take you through a 10 step process that I call my breakdown routine for dealing with a relationship breakdown. And I want to comfort you by showing you that I've only ever had to use it three times in a 27 year, professional career to date, and have those three times it has worked every time it has rebuilt the professional relationship in one case, to the extent that that has now become a friendship, even though we no longer working together. So let me take you through a relationship breakdown routine. That works works in workplace ever tried it with a private relationship?

Feel free to give it a go. Step one is to declare the breakdown. You have to confront the other person by saying our relationship is breaking down. And I want to fix it. And step two is to state your outcome. And it may just simply be I want to repair this relationship.

But it may be something more nuanced, more complex. Like, I'd like to get back to the point where we can work together. The third step is to invite their outcome. What would you like? Because if the answer is I don't ever want to talk to you again, then the breakdown routine isn't going to apply because you're not going to be able to use it. But hopefully, by being honest, they will reciprocate by saying what they would like I'd like to work together to I'd like to repair our relationship and now you have something in common If there is an overlap between the two outcomes that you and they have expressed, then there is a basis for rebuilding relationship.

And that takes us to step four. Step four is to share the facts. Start off by inviting them to recount how they perceive the situation. Now, their perceptions may not be reality, but to them they are invited to share, listen really hard, and then when they fed, share your facts. If both of you listen hard, you'll be able to identify where your perceptions around same external circumstances differ. That is likely to be the source of a conflict which led to a relationship breaking down.

You're ready to move to the next step. Steps six and seven are about commitments. take the lead. At Step six. Share your commitments having heard once you've said this is what I commit to. It may be something as slim as saying, I commit to listening to you in future, or it might be a much deeper, much broader commit.

And having shared your commitments, invite them to share this. Step seven, is where you start to explore the options. Look at what is missing in your relationship, what went wrong, what needs to get fixed, and it's step eight. Look for options for how you could fix it. work together to put as many ideas down that will move the two of you together will resolve the problems. fill in the gaps of the missing things by working together on concrete future oriented ideas, your relationship will start to mend.

Once you have your options, work together to sift them and sort them and find out which ones you both have confidence will move it further together, you're not looking for the ultimate solution to all your ills you're looking for. A set of options that taken together will give you a win from where you are now, which is a broken relationship. The Step nine is to take those likely successful options and form a plan. Once you've got that plan to make your commitments to work on the plan. If both of you reiterate your commitment to the plan and to the outcomes you set out earlier on, then your relationship started to mend. It may not be back where it was once.

It may not be about where you want it yet. But you have a platform work through that breakdown routine As soon as you can, after you detect the relationship has broken started by declaring the breakdown stating your desire to fix it. If the other party has goodwill towards you as a residual desire to rebuild the relationship, then you've got a chance