In the last video, I talked about the five conflict handling modes in the Thomas killman model. And in this video, I want to go through each of those five modes, identify what it is, and when you can use it effectively and the first is competing. And competing is where you are asserting your needs over those of the other person. It's appropriate to use where the relationship isn't important to you. And the outcome is. So often, these reflect short term negotiations or short term arguments with someone whom you're unlikely to see or work with.

Again. It's also an appropriate strategy where you must get the outcome you need, either for commercial reasons or that's one potently because it's urgent and it's a crisis. You don't accommodate other people who you think are wrong in a crisis situation. If you know what needs to be done, then you require other people to follow you, you are in control. And therefore you have to assert yourself. So the competing mode is appropriate if you have to get the result, and if you're prepared to and it's appropriate to sacrifice the relationship.

At the other extreme, of course, the relationship may be worth far more to you may be far more important than the individual outcome. And in this case, why argue about it? Why fight to get what you would prefer? If it risks stablishing a relationship that matters to you more. A lovely example of this is if you're arguing with your partner about what movie to go and see it weekend look the reality He is that what matters is that you have a pleasant evening out and you enjoy a movie, you may have a clear preference and they may have a clear preference, but you know what? A bit of harmony goes a long way and accommodating their needs will strengthen the relationship and you'll still see a good movie.

Sometimes the conflict ain't worth a candle. The right thing to do is to avoid it because you know what? The outcome isn't that important anyway, neither is the relationship so we fight for either just avoid the conflict walk away from the situation. And there are two other times when you should walk away from the situation but in these two cases, it's a temporary rather than permanent solution. The first is if you're ill prepared. If you haven't done your homework and you are not confident that you can put your best arguments forward and win in the conflict or negotiation situation.

If you avoid Conflict now you can return to it when you are better prepared to get a result that is a win for both of you. And that is, irrespective of the strategy you choose whether you choose to compete whether you choose to accommodate whether you choose to compromise, or go the whole hog and collaborate. The other times we avoid conflict is when the emotional temperature is too high. And therefore, conflict could be dangerous, it could escalate and you won't be in control of the situation. When people are too angry, too upset, too frustrated, then no amount of careful preparation is going to help you control the situation. The best thing you can do is to step away until the time is right.

In the middle of the Thomas killman conflict modes chart is compromised nature of compromise is kind of like a draw. Neither side wins but neither side loses either. Both sides give up something. And compromise works if both sides feel that what they've given up is fair because the other side has given up something similar. It does little to build the relationship, but it doesn't damage it too badly. And it does little to give you what you really want.

But it gives you enough compromises the perfect solution if both outcome and relationship are important, but they're not important enough to work really hard. If they're important enough to work really hard, then you need to collaborate and collaboration is the gold standard in terms of achieving a win win situation. So why wouldn't you use it every time. You wouldn't use it every time. Because collaboration is hard. It takes a lot of time.

It takes a lot of effort. It often uses up a lot of resources. And therefore it isn't always worth the hard work collaborating but If the relationship is of extreme value to you, and so is the outcome, then collaboration is the right strategy and in collaboration rather than each side, giving up something equal, both sides are prepared to put in more and more into the relationship more and more into the transaction to come up with a solution where both feel they're gaining something out of it. And of course, by working together, you work towards conflict resolution. So there you have it five modes for handling conflict given to us by Kenneth Thomas and Ralph killman. Have these five modes it's almost certain that you will have one or two preferences that you default to we all do.

What makes them valuable is your ability to assess a situation and choose a conflict handling mode and apply it knowing that it has the best success of giving you the right results that balances your needs to the outcome you want to strengthen the relationship that matters.