So we'll come back to class seven of five minutes can elaborate and better really singing right now, if you don't mind. Here we go. So yeah, let's get on with it. So class seven is about control games and this endless drama that we get caught up in. So what we see happening is, you know, there's adversity in our life we get stuck in the trap. We get triggered in the trap of reactions.

Start to build what I'm calling the cage to keep out. Yeah, adversity into water full of fear that that comes up when we step out of the cage that comes with adversity. And so we use Control games to, to deal with this. The idea is that if we can control the adversity in our life, we can limit its impact on us. If we're not good at control, eventually we feel overwhelmed, we get exhausted, we shut down. If we're good at control, then we can get bored and lose meaning in our life.

So maybe you have a great job and no relationship. And you know, you just feel like you're going through, you know, everything's a routine now. There's nothing really, that really excites you about your life. Or if you're not getting control, works as well meaning relationships are overwhelming, because there's always this kind of chaos going on. So the underlying thing here In control games is that you know, we are acting from what we really want for ourselves. And the illusion is we think we have control.

But we don't. So let's look at these three main control games that play out. The first one is what I call submission. You give up what you want. The second one is domination. You make demands on people.

He fights. And the third game is assistance you make allies. If you're familiar with the drama triangle is a similar setup, was the victim was the perpetrator is the rescue for us at the same place that a A little bit differently, I find these terms are a bit more accurate. So the submission game. In the submission game, we give out what we want. We end up with a bang instructions and we follow what is demanded or requested of us.

Start to conform to beliefs, ideals, the values of others will follow and uphold those beliefs as ideals and values can extend to culture law systems policy procedure, whether that's written or whether that's said. So it's kind of like as a system play, and we just follow the system. And then we can just say automating, which is do it automatically without questioning what we're doing. We just go along with the program and then the next game is control through domination. So in the beginning, we deny or we dismiss others who don't give them approval. And then we make our requests, we make demands, maybe we harass people.

And if they don't conform, then we limit their options and choices. And in the end, we ridicule these people that that don't stick it to us. Now, in regards to sort of reflecting on this, this morning about experiences for me, as a kid, I sort of noticed was that for children, they go from something a little bit different, so they say something that doesn't really fit in with everyone else. Kids tend to go from denying or dismissing others straight down to read killing others. And they kind of skip over the three points in the middle. And then as we get older we get we get a little bit more sophisticated in how we run this control game of dominant domination.

And then the last game is control through assistance is one of my favorites. I've noticed that I sometimes play a bit. And that's why we sort of pick sides and we, we agree with one particular sign. So we agree with it and we get approval. We're included or we include others. We confirm and confide FIDE.

We get to have influence, value them your trusted get praise. Vega respects. So that's kind of like a very easy way of playing the game. Because the thing is with all of these games is just, but I'm saying that it's an illusion. We never really have control. And so give some examples.

You know, you can't always control how much money you make in your work. If you're working for a company, your bosses control how you know what your wages, you know, you have to really fight for getting a pay rise. If you work for yourself, and what you make is dependent on, you know, how many hours you put in, sometimes, but also the availability of clients that you work with Here's a big one. We can't always control what people think or feel about us. So if we go back to the, you know, the cage, we're trying to find a lot of the time trying to find a safe thing to say that we know will cause any reaction that we can. We never can.

We never know really what people are gonna say, I think think about us and how they're gonna react. We can't control how quickly we become successful in our careers. We can't always control how well our bodies perform. Yeah, bodies get tired, they get run down, they get sick. Some of us look at just look at sugar and suddenly putting on weight. That kind of thing.

And, you know, the Last one is we can't always control the quality of sex that we have. Yet, the fundamental one here is someone has to agree to have sex with us. Right? And not everyone says yes. As simple as that. And even if you're in a relationship, you can't always control the quality of sex that you have.

So what's wrong was control. Alright, so like I was saying what we try to control an ally ends up controlling us to their terms and conditions for being right to getting approval for having influence for being trusted and getting respect. No matter what game we play, those terms and conditions are in place. And these terms are either set by others or they're set by us. So making demands on people if we're trying to use domination game, we're putting down terms and conditions. People play with us.

And yeah, we go along with this as long as it serves us songs, we get something out of it. So yeah, if you're playing the victim game submission game, you should admit people treat you nicely. If you follow the system, have some influence and get trusted, etc, etc. And then eventually these games don't serve us. It becomes adversity, it impacts us for years it's amazingly we get bigger because we can only be controlled for so long before Something shuts down and then something erupts. Ultimately in control games we will self destruct.

And self destruction will either be can lead to depression is a mode of self destruction, which is completely shut down. Or you take actions that a against other people or in your career or with money because your health with your sexuality, and it destroys your life. And it all leads to this, the reckoning. The reckoning is the destruction of our illusions. It all catches up with us eventually. That's gonna be the topic of our next class.

I'll see you there. Check it out.