If you think about it, negotiation is nothing more than conflict played out in a civil, respectful manner, often with some rules. But of course, in the real world, conflict isn't always going to be played out as a negotiation. People won't play by the rules, and they won't handle it in a civil manner. And as a new manager, you may find yourself in conflict with some of your colleagues, with some of your team members, maybe even with some of your bosses. And you may certainly find yourself in a position where you have to get involved in other people's conflict and help them to resolve it. Let's start with a simple seven step process for handling conflict.

And then we'll pick up on what I think of as the four key messages from that process. Step one, is to make the choice to engage positively. Step two is to then build contact with the other person. Step three is to show that you appreciate their courage in taking part in some sort of a resolution, and to demonstrate that you understand them and their position. Step four is to make time to share your individual points of view. And to get to understand them, set up facts.

Find out which facts you can agree on. Set out your feelings, your perspectives, your concerns. And also, check that you're using language in the same way. Make sure you share the definitions that you need to base any form of subsequent agreement on. Step five is to think about the criteria For a resolution, what are your respective requirements for solution? What will you accept?

What would you like to have and then explore the options for possible solutions. Finally, step seven is to offer a resolution. And if it's accepted, come to a decision and agree or shared, next step actions. This seven step process works, both when you're engaged in the dialogue yourself as a part of the conflict, or when you're mediating from the outside and trying to facilitate some form of resolution. So what am i four core points? Well, the first one is to make sure that you declare there is a breakdown.

If you're part of the conflict, it can be very hard to do that. If you're a mediator, you do need to get both parties together. say, look, there's a problem, and we need to solve it. The second step is to build a bridge to show empathy, understanding and willingness to work towards a resolution. If you're part of the conflict, you need to look the other person in the eye and say, I know there's a problem. I'm committed to helping solve it.

I want to resolve this. This can often mean accepting abuse, and perhaps being the one that doesn't retort that doesn't act in a defensive way. You may be confident that you're in the right, but you can be even more confident that resolving the problem is more important than being right sometimes. The third important thing is to determine the strategy you're going to pursue and that requires listening to each other or if you're in a mediation role, listening to both parties. Thinking about what your options are for resolution. And so the fourth important thing is to get as many different options out on the table in disgust as possible.

Look at the benefits to both parties of those options and look for one where both parties feel that they gain enough to make a resolution worthwhile. So, four important things to fit in amongst this process. Firstly, declare the breakdown. Second, build the bridge, declare your willingness to fix it. Third, come up with a strategy for the process you're going to follow. And fourth, find as many options as you can to give you the best chance of finding a resolution that makes it worthwhile for both parties to cease hostilities and end conflict