One of the things that you're going to have to do as a new manager is to be able to assert yourself in a confident and respectful manner. So we're going to talk a little bit about that. Now. The first thing to understand is what precisely assertive behavior is and what it is not. So let's start by comparing it on the one hand with aggressive behavior. On the other hand, passive behavior.

Let's start by trying to understand passive behavior. And it will help us to put up a simple diagram showing the spectrum of behaviors from passive to assertive to aggressive behaviors. On a chart, where we're looking on one axis are behaviors designed to get more of what I want. And on the other axis behaviors, design To give you more of what you want passive behaviors, where you submit your own legitimate needs or desires to the other person, you're often afraid to disagree and you feel guilty. If you want to say no. You have difficulty in offering your feedback to other people, or giving your own point of view on something.

Quite often you find it hard to ask for help. And you're reluctant to take responsibility because you don't feel that you can. Passive behavior is all about respect and lack of respect. When your behavior is passive, what you're doing is you're respecting the other person far more than you are respecting yourself. Your respect for yourself. Very low.

That's not a problem. The people who behave in an aggressive manner show because aggressive behavior is driven by a far greater respect for yourself than for the other person. And at its extreme, highly aggressive behavior shows no respect for the other person at all. It puts yourself first at the expense of others. aggressive behavior can become controlling, even abusive. When you behave in an aggressive way, you're likely to demand rather than ask and you need to win at all costs.

Like passive behavior, aggressive behavior is also reluctant to ask for help. But fundamentally, this is because of fear. Now, it's easy to see that This aggressive behavior is driven by a disrespect for the other person and therefore an unwillingness to ask for help because you don't believe they can help. But fundamentally, being afraid to ask for help is driven by fear of losing face. course, if things do go wrong, people who behave in an aggressive way are going to look for ways to blame the others. Just as passive behavior is reluctant to take responsibility, aggressive behavior will shed responsibility.

So passive and aggressive behaviors are about respect. So to is assertive behavior, assertive behavior is about two way respect, respect for myself and respect for you. This leads me to feel confident in who I am But also confidence to celebrate the successes of the people around me. I'm going to be willing to collaborate. I'm going to be happy to ask for help. And I'm going to be confident to say what I think and feel.

When I give praise it will be sincere. And when I asked for help, he will be courteous. If aggressive behavior focuses on beating the other person and passive behavior focuses on not getting beaten myself hurt, then assertive behavior is about looking for the best results. It's about doing what is right. Not what is easy. So, understanding what assertive behavior It is, let's look at ways that you can support yourself in asserting yourself effectively.

And the first I would say is to dress the part. It's vital that you come across immediately in the right way. So choose clothes and choose a style that is assertive. That fits in with what people would expect if someone in your role in many organizations, that means as you become a manager dressing a little bit more smartly. In some organizations, it may even mean a significant change in dress code. But take your appearance seriously.

Because Firstly, it will make you feel good to dress well. And secondly, it will impress upon other people that you have respect for yourself. That way when you treat them with courtesy, you get that balance straightaway. The second thing is to use assertive language, hesitant, walking, speaking, constantly clearing of your throat and whispering a little bit when you're not confident all of these things can betray passive sensibility. And of course, when we are behaving in a passive way, the words we use change as well. We use pleading terms like would you could you might you and we use qualifying words a lot like perhaps, and maybe abrupt firm, shouty sorts of voice.

If you'll speak very quickly, all of those things come across as aggressive. And of course, aggressive speech patterns are complemented by aggressive language. Clearly swearing fits in there but at a lower level demands wrong requests come across as aggressive So to to sarcasm, criticism and blame, you want to be assertive. So let's look at how you can use your language to be assertive, relaxed, fluent, steady speech. Take your time over what you're saying. Breathe deeply, so that your voice can reach its natural register.

Those kinds of voice patterns, sound confident, and assertive. Be direct in the way that you speak. Use a clear yes or no, when it's called for. And be courteous and polite. use words like please, and thank you. Were you and would you these things are just common courtesy is there respect for them because they're respectful.

I come across as assertive. The final thing to consider is body language. slouched, eyes down, evasive looks around, all of that comes across as rather passive. On the other hand, pulling yourself up to full heights running yourself out, just your jaw forward, giving someone a stare can come across very much as aggressive. At the happy medium, though, is an upright posture, an open posture, you look people in the eye without staring them down. Smile, the courtesy to look towards someone and to face towards them directly, rather than off to one side.

That's assertive, rather than aggressive or passive behavior. So what have we seen the first thing Secret to assertiveness is respect times to respect for you and respect for myself. The second is to dress the part. So you feel confident and you come across as confident and you look and sound assertive. The third is to use assertive language and the fourth, upright straight on relaxed, confident, assertive body language. As a new manager, you will often need to assert yourself.

If you find yourself constantly using this relaxed, confident, respectful, assertive style that people will happy to accept your guidance, your requests and your feedback without you having to work hard to assert yourself to deliver it.