A valuable tool for any managers toolkit is called transactional analysis. And its name sounds a little bit complicated, but it's very simple in concept. What it enables you to do is to understand the way that people interact with one another. The model was originally developed by Eric Byrne, a psychologist. And what Bern suggested is that we each have different ways of being, when we communicate with other people. And these ways of being, he called ego states.

One ego state, which he called the parent state, represents the way we are, we know the way things should be. We're harnessing all our experience. And just like a real parent, the parent ego state behaves as if it knows the rules, and it wants to take responsibility. There are therefore to fix flavors of the parent ego state. One is the critical parent keen to say what's right and to tell off people who misbehave or do the wrong thing. The parents ego state is controlling and chastising is superior in knows what's right.

With the nurturing parent ego state, compared with the critical parent ego state tends to take responsibility away. It says, Look, I know the way things are. I know how things work. Let me look after you, therefore steals our autonomy and our own responsibility. So we have, on the one hand, the critical parent, and on the other hand, the nurturing parent. If there's a parent ego state, then it won't surprise you to hear that there's also a child ego state, and indeed there are two flavors of the child ego state.

One is what's known as One is what's known as the free child. He does what a child does, which is respond emotionally to any situation. If it doesn't want to do anything established its face and it has a go. The free child, ego state is of course full of joy at times and is therefore often the source of our creativity. It's let's try this. Let's have fun ego state.

On the other hand, the adapted child does what people want and expect of it. It seeks to fit in. It says Yes, okay. Not because it wants to work because it feels it ought to it is compliant. without really understanding why. Both the parent and child ego states are not constructive ways to communicate in a mature workplace.

Mature gives us a guide as to what the label might be for the third ego state The adult state and adults, they think things through, they reason, they determined that they're going to do the best they can possibly do in the situation. So therefore, the adult ego state is always trying to do the right thing and use a respectful approach to doing it. Consequently, an effective workplace transaction is one where the adult ego state of one person communicates with the adult ego state of the other. This is an adult to adult transaction. And when I speak to you from my adult state, I address your adult state, then the likelihood is that you will return so we would get a two way adult adult transaction. And that's not to say that you can't have to wait child child transactions.

Usually they're fun loving transactions with let's have a go. Let's have some fun. Let's create something You can also have to a parent parent transactions, of course, these tend to be mon fests. Oh, dear. The buses are rubbish, aren't they? Yes, and the trains are just as bad.

What often goes wrong in organizations is when we either get into Parent Child transactions, or one side of the transaction is trying to arrive, an adult adult transaction, and the other is trying to drive a parent child transaction. There are lots of ways this can happen. Let's take an example of a subordinate person being promoted above one of their peers. So now, I've been promoted, and you're a bit jealous. So what happens? I asked you a perfectly reasonable question from adult to adult state.

But you take the superior line and say, Why should I help you? You don't know how to do it. Well, you shouldn't have got promoted. Sarcasm is a parent state. transaction, of course. And here, the parents data is being critical.

It needs to be critical. It could respond in a more patronizing way. Oh, you want me to help you? Of course I will. Because clearly, you didn't deserve to be promoted, but I look after you. Now, how does this happen?

Well, it can happen because the person adopting the parent state is jealous or angry or upset or bitter. But it can also happen because it's invited. If I've just been promoted above my peers. I may not feel wholly as though I deserve that promotion. I know in my head. I do.

I know I worked hard for it. I know I interviewed well for it. But deep down I feel I'm just one of the team and perhaps there are some people in the team who've got more experienced than me. And so when I asked for something, I tend to ask in an adult way but emotionally unconsciously I'm asking from child state, oh, will you help me. And that, of course encourages the adult state. The critical adult also course I'll help you.

You need. The nurturing parent state will say, of course, I'll help you. I'll take over. Because then you get locked into Parent Child transactions, which just don't work. At least they work, they persist, they communicate, but they're not healthy. Now, if you insist on initiating a parent child transaction with me, Mike, you're an idiot why you keep doing this, and I want to return it to an adult state by responding that I've done what I thought was right.

It really wasn't. Let's figure it out. We're not going to communicate for a while because you want an argument. I don't want a resolution. This is what's known as a cross transaction. Cross transactions don't work.

Ie don't communicate. Well, it gets worse because of course, the cross transaction could be hidden, I could say, perfectly reasonably Will you help me, you could say perfectly reasonably, of course I will. But what you're saying subtly and emotionally is but I'm gonna make you pay. It's that parent child, hidden transaction that actually drives the emotional and therefore real conversation. Now, once you start to understand these different states, and the different ways that we can transact, you start to get some power to analyze what's going on, hence, transaction analysis, and therefore make some choices. Basically, repetitive series of parent child transactions that don't work a games and the simple rule is Don't play games always returned to adult state.

And if you can't make progress on that out state because it's right Actions crossed state that there is a communication breakdown, that things aren't going well and suggest that the other person thinks about it. don't engage in a dialogue, that's not gonna work. So, what are my four tips? Firstly, stay in adult state. Second, pay attention and notice how other people respond to when you encounter bad behaviors. My third tip is to call them out and name so that you can discuss them in an adult way, and ask the other person to think about it.

And finally, my fourth tip, if you can't deal with the bad behavior because the other person won't engage into an adult state, then step away. Create some time some distance because without a doubt, you will encounter bad behaviors. Understanding making positive choices about how to deal with them is going to put you in control.