An irrational belief can be highly problematic on your sexual relationship. It deserves its own place in this course, because it can be so significant and so damaging that it can be the primary destructive factor within your sexual relationship. That's why it's so important. And irrational belief is one of those beliefs that you hold so strongly, and so close to your heart, that despite sufficient evidence, you still believe that this is true. In your world, this exists. This may be due to an incident that happened in the remote past where, let's say you saw a figure in your bedroom as a kid, and now you believe in ghosts.

So here the irrational belief is that ghosts exist. Now even though you're a grown person And you have people around you, and you may have read that there is sufficient proof that ghosts don't exist. You still believe in some way, shape or form that no ghosts really do exist? In my world. It's true. So that's the irrational belief.

And now it needs to be changed into a rational belief that let's say ghosts don't exist, or there is an explanation as to why you may have seen a figure in your bedroom. Having said that, recognize that an irrational belief can also be due to something that you heard on TV, something that you read on the internet, it may even be due to something that you heard from someone else. You associated that with some experience in your own life, and now you believe it to be true. This is another way that irrational beliefs can be formed. So what are the specific irrational beliefs that make Come up within your section relationship. Here's one assuming that your partner knows what you want, without having to ask what or why assuming that your partner knows what you want, without having to ask, or vice versa as well.

This is a huge one because so many gaps in communication are left to the process of mind reading. Now, are you really a mind reader? Am I a mind reader? Is your partner a mind reader? You find that this is again, an irrational belief that this holds you back from actually communicating more effectively. One of the biggest gaps in communication is believing that my partner needs to know what I'm thinking at all times.

That without me having to even ask for something They need to know what I want. This is something that you definitely want to avoid within your relationship. You want to avoid assumptions you want to avoid this concept of this person needs to know what I'm thinking or feeling without me even opening my mouth. It's never going to work. Another irrational belief that men have is that they need to have amazing expertise at sex right from the get go. Every man is born with this amazing ability to please every single woman he comes across.

Again, this is one of those irrational beliefs that are not true. Men can be as inexperienced as women, and more often than not, they are. You need to recognize that no one is born a sexpert and no one can become an expert insects overnight. It's a process that takes time, communicate. understanding between the partners understanding what arouses each other, how to touch, how to communicate about touch, and so many other aspects. So ignoring all of these things and believing that you have some God given gift on how to please a woman, it's never going to work.

So recognize that this is another one of those irrational beliefs that you want to avoid. Women on the other hand, they feel that expressing their sexual needs or feelings is completely unladylike. This is a big one because majority of women are conditioned by society, especially today, that in some way sex is wrong. And there is a very strong guilt factor associated with it or somehow they are embarrassed to express their sexuality and if they do express their sexuality In some way, it's not morally correct. This is really important to recognize because with religion and the way a woman is brought up. Now I'm not saying anything bad about religion.

However, it's important to recognize how this plays a role in your partners or your actual growth within the sexual relationship. Culture context are super, super important. So recognize that often, if you have a high sex drive, or you really want to get it on in the bedroom, you won't really be able to arouse your partner in the appropriate way if you do not acknowledge that sometimes they may not look at themselves as sexual beings, that they do not view themselves as creatures who engage in sex. They may be averse to touch, they may be scared, they may be afraid. They may not know what Each little process means and sometimes it can be the exact opposite thing where they are well acquainted with their sexuality, they know exactly what is going on with the situation and they are still able to express their needs and feelings to you, or you express your needs and feelings to your partner.

So women have to start looking at themselves if they want to improve their sex life. As sexual beings. It is not unladylike to express your sexual needs and feelings to your partner. It's quite normal. And so part of the human process it's very, very normal, and it's good for you good for your overall health and well being. The next irrational belief has to do with both partners believing that love is all you need to achieve sexual happiness.

Now this is a big one, especially for those romantic couples who are Within a sexual relationship and things are going haywire, both partners are not getting satisfied. And somehow, the connection is so strong that they love each other. They're so romantic, but sparks just don't seem to fly in the bedroom. Recognize that, just like I said in the previous point, we are sexual beings. Both men and women have a role to play in a sexual relationship and to achieve sexual happiness. There are or there is a great degree of techniques that you need to associate yourself with.

And this comes from practice, you have to practice sex in order to get good at it. Love while it can be a catalyst to the actual relationship that it can improve your sexual satisfaction, so much more. It can also hold you back or it can make you ignore problems. That actually exists within the relationship like you not pleasing your partner or your partner not pleasing you ever heard of the phrase blinded by love. I think this applies very strongly within a sexual context, especially seen in partners were intimate, have been together for a very, very long time. And what was once a happy sexual relationship is now just turn into love or may not even be that.

So recognize that love is not all you need. You need great sexual chemistry, you need to have a system where things are always going to get changed up. And where you are able to satisfy your partner or your partner is able to satisfy you from time to time. Recognize that this knowledge about sex especially it does not arise from instinct or love. It is a learned thing or you never pick it up at all. You don't have to worry about that on this course, you're going to get everything that you possibly need.

All of the stuff that you need to recognize and know in your relationship, you will come to know within this course. So know that education is the foundation for all of this stuff to work. I've repeated this many times. And I will continue to repeat this, within the confines of this course that you need to educate yourself about sex you need to educate yourself about your partner's needs, and what makes each other happy. Look at how you can express yourself come out of this state that irrational beliefs are going to dictate my thought process, that they are going to dominate everything that I do within this relationship. It's never going to work.

Express yourself. Educate yourself, and recognize all of the irrational beliefs that you may need to become aware of and get out of your head. A great way to actually come across these irrational beliefs is taking a pen, taking a piece of paper, and listing all of this stuff down. And in fact, have your partner involved in this or even visit a professional so that that person can run you through. This may be a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or even a person who's specializing in sexual health, talk to these people and run through some of the irrational beliefs that you may be having in your head. And then you'll have a very smooth sailing relationship from there.

I'll see you in the next lecture.