The final facet of delivering criticism is doing it positively. Learning how to deliver criticism in a positive fashion is something of a talent that you can develop over a period of time. through practice. It involves learning how to combine both positive criticism with a concrete request. It involves combining a positive criticism of something that your partner is doing with a concrete request. To understand this better, let's run through an example.
Let's say you're commenting upon your partner's lack of affection during sex. Using the same eye versus you perspective. If you analyze the eye talk that you can use in the situation. You could say something like this, framing it in a positive way. I love it when you kiss me Please kiss me more. Notice how the eye talk is being used.
Notice how it is specific to kissing. And notice how the guiding tone is looking at the future perspective, by framing it positively and asking your partner to do more of the same, versus using the you perspective and saying something like, you never kiss me when we're in bed and I am sick of it. Notice how that comes off. It's not particularly pleasant. It's derogatory makes the person feel bad. And under no circumstances is that person going to kiss you more.
If you say something like that. That's why it's preferable to use the eye perspective. Again, frame it coming from your point of view, and make sure that it is framed positively within the context of your relationship you need to understand the more you keep Positive your relationship if you want to keep the environment positive. If you want to make your relationship a sex positive one, you have to make an effort to create an environment that supports positivity that nurtures positivity. And even if you want to criticize the other person, you do it in a positive way. And that is by combining your concrete request with positive criticism.
Do this much and you will see yourself in a much better place. Not only will you be able to criticize your partner for doing something that you didn't preferably like, but at the same time, you can provide them with the needed guidance that will allow them to change their behavior to your liking in future. I'll see you in the next lecture.