A key element that you need to know while criticizing your partner is doing good in a constructive manner. Providing constructive criticism is very important if you're going to change their behavior in the right way, in future, what is constructive criticism? It's your ability to give constructive, real world alternatives, not something that is completely impossible for them to even oblige. But there is a real possibility there is a real chance that they can apply what you're about to say to them. And at the same time, you're not doing it in a derogatory manner. You're doing it in a very simple way so that they understand that okay, this is what I need to do next time.
To understand this better let's run through a simple example. Now, in the same you versus II situation You need to see that the you perspective, if you were to point a finger at your partner and say something like, you're a lousy lover, you don't even know what I like, look at how that can damage the other person's feelings. It can make them feel really small, they may even lose their sexual confidence and may even want to opt out of the relationship in extreme cases, if you do this too much. That's why pointing the finger at the other person is the easiest thing that you can do, but also the thing that you want to avoid as much as possible. Instead, use your AI talk and try to find a better way to show them behavior that can be changed in future. So you could say something like, Can I take your hand and show you what I'd like?
Notice the guiding tone. Notice how you are using it in order to create a perspective that it is coming from you, and how that can be way more effective while criticizing your partner for something that they are not doing correctly. That's why I talk again is more preferable here. Rule of thumb that you can follow is that unless you criticize your partner constructively, you better not do it at all. If you are going to criticize your partner, make sure that you provide constructive criticism. There is no point criticizing someone scolding someone for doing something wrong, and just making them feel small in the process.
You're not going to win any medals by doing this. Instead, show them what they can do. Show them how they can do it, and show them exactly what you like. So if it's a sexual context, make sure that you are the one who is guiding them throughout this entire process. Remember, I do spoke about the erogenous zones in a different module. Explore your bodies, try and understand what your likes and dislikes are.
If it's in terms of your relationship, what do you like? Maybe it's a meal. Maybe it's something that you like going out with your partner on a vacation? What is going to bring you two closer together? How is it going to work out? These are some profound questions that you can ask yourself, and that will allow you to better understand how to deal with these problematic situations.
Remember, again, if you're going to criticize your partner, make sure that you're doing it in a guiding fashion, that they are not misled, and they have to assume or they feel that by you criticizing them. I'll see you in the next lecture.