Communication for couples. Arguments can be avoided by understanding that problems don't always need to be solved. Sometimes they just need to be vented. This problem solving technique is a problem discussion, nothing to be solved when having a conversation about a problem. Here are some rules to follow to keep things fair. The rules for both of you are Don't interrupt each other.
Make sure you take turns talking, and no problem solving. Rules for the speaker. only speak for yourself. Don't try to guess what the other person's thinking don't ramble on too much because they're going to stop listening eventually, if they get bored and take pauses so the other person can show you that they understand what you're saying. Rules for the listener, repeat what you hear in your own words, to show that you understand what they're telling you. Don't interrupt so that you can say how you feel about what is being said.
Just pay attention and wait your turn. Depending on the state of your relationship, right now, there are three things that you can do to avoid arguments, especially with sensitive issues. One is mirroring which is repeating back to your partner what they have said, but in your own words, and that helps them feel heard. So here's an example the talker will state their problem or their concern, then the listener paraphrase the concern in their own words, so they might say, So what you're saying is, blah, blah, blah, is that correct? And the speaker, if the paraphrasing is accurate can say yes, or if not, they can explain. And then the listener will say, Is there more and just check if there's anything else bothering them?
Number two is validation. When you validate your partner, it makes them feel that you take their feelings seriously. It doesn't mean you have to agree Just understand how they could think that way from their perspective. So the speaker can ask, Does this make sense to you? And the listener could say, I see where you're coming from, doesn't mean you have to agree. Just be their side.
That's, that's all anybody really wants is to be understood anyway, right? Number three is empathy. When you empathize with someone, you imagine how it would feel to be them in that situation. And this helps your partner feel understood. So the speaker could say, or they could ask, can you see why I would feel this way. And a listener could say, I can see how you could feel this way.
I would probably feel that way too, in that situation or from your point of view, something like that.