People say that love is a universal language. But there are different ways of expressing it. For some words are truly the way to their heart. And just because they express it through words, it doesn't make them superficial. At the same time for others, words have too less of a romantical effect because they prefer other signs of affection such as hugs, kisses and holding hands. So what happens if your way of communicating Love is not the same as your partner's?
Does it still feel like a universal language now, generally speaking, we humans have a tendency to jump to conclusions, thinking that we must be implicit when intros, we are actually filling in the blanks with our own judgments, or maybe wishes needs and other mental productions. Unfortunately, love is where we suffered the most because we think that what makes us feel loved and valued is the same for other people too. And that's rarely the case. Let me give you a simple example to clarify the theory. You love receiving gifts and feel that it's the perfect way of showing someone you care for them. As a consequence on your friend's birthday, you offer a token of your affection, but much to your surprise in doesn't get the expected reaction.
Why? Well, it's because your friends love language. And by love I mean all types of love translates into quality time and not receiving gifts. He or she would much rather you took him or her out for lunch, or went to see a movie together. In this case, exercising the bond between you means more to them than the material things. The concept of Love Languages was coined not that long ago by Dr. Gary Chapman in 1992.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, how to excel breasts heartfelt commitment to your mate. He outlines five different types of language people use to express their feelings and emotions. And they are words of affirmation, quality, time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. words of affirmation. As the name suggests, it's all about communicating out loudly once you feel this type of love language steers up quite the fast in relationships because it's usually misinterpreted as neediness or share weakness regardless of gender. If this is your love language, then you're most likely filled with joy.
When people ring you up suddenly during the day to talk to you. Maybe even expect written form of affection cards, poems, text messages, emails, these are compliments out of the blue for who you are, what you do need verbal support, and due to the fact that words weigh heavily negative remarks such as insults are not easily forgotten and can leave you shattered. To quality time, this concept gets thrown around a lot. And for those who really express themselves in this language, it can be tricky when referring to the term of quality time. Many don't understand what it actually means undivided attention and not multitasking. For example, sharing the same space while doing completely different actions is not quite the time.
It's breathing the same air. People who speak this love language, need their partner to set aside chores and tasks and really be there. If you speak with quality time, then you enjoy engaging in throwing conversations, eye contact, laughter and creating new memories with your loved ones. Nothing says I love you. More like seeing your partner's mobile phone turned off I'm distracted by work or other people. Failure to listen, tardiness or rain checks disappoint you three, receiving gifts.
It's very important not to mistake this for materialists, the receiver of gifts focuses on the love, thoughtfulness and the effort behind the gift. It actually comes down to the fuzzy feeling of knowing the other person took time to go gift hunting, and took the trouble of brainstorming the things you like. Gifts don't need to have financial value. It's enough to find a piece of chocolate in your pocket or new pen because you've lost your old one. If this is your love language, you deeply appreciate the thought behind the gift. Enjoy being fast over and spoiled and appreciate the little things oppositely if there are no everyday gestures, or even worse, a missed a birthday or a thoughtless gift, bought only to not show up empty hand.
Then you feel hurt and neglected for acts of service. Let me do the dishes, clean the house walk the dog. Sounds familiar. These are called acts of service and are in fact, a love language. easing the burden means the world for someone who expresses themselves in this particular way. Such a partner wants to see a willingness to help and the sense of responsibility in you.
If you speak in this language, then you always notice when the other person gives aid, you desire recognition for what you do. And you feel love when your partner is thoughtful. For these people, laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them, makes them feel like they don't matter or worse, that they are being taken for granted. Five, physical touch. Although your first thought might be about sex, it actually isn't All about sex. In fact, a person whose primary language is physical touch isn't very touchy, while he or she enjoys hugs, bats holding hands or kissing.
They want to get out of their way to show you the same thing. Nevertheless, they care deeply for it and appreciate the words. If you're a person who speaks physical touch, then you need to be touched in loving ways. You don't have boundaries for personal space, you desire physical presence, not talking over the phone or such. You're happy with the other person and you're happy if the other person becomes accessible when you need them in a different manner, neglect or abuse are regarded as disruptive and unforgivable.