Lack of confidence, it's time to tackle one of the biggest issues holding introverts and extroverts back. I was resistant to using the word confidence at all in this course, because the use has been, for me, muddied with the likes of competence gurus, and other extroverted characters I've never been able to relate to. But what word Could I use instead? When speaking to my coach about this confidence conundrum, he reminded me of the origin of the word. confidence comes from the Latin, for dairy, to trust. So to be confident is to trust in yourself, your actions and your place in the world.

Words like trust and faith, apt to be very meaningful to me at that time. They were my anchors my antidotes to the fears that I was facing at every turn in my business. So I decided that instead of running away from the word, I'd reclaim it, take it back to its origins and dispel any myths and identity. crises it's had over the years since the self help revolution captured it. Here are some of the most common myths that I found popping up when the concept of confidence is discussed. With one, confidence requires arrogance.

We all know somebody who gives off the impression that their opinion of themselves is far greater than the rest of the world holes. There's nothing wrong with this kind of self belief. In fact, that's kind of what we're shooting for. That there is a kind of cockiness or arrogance that is not attractive to us, and can often show up as that person tries to put others around them down. This kind of high self esteem isn't built on solid foundations of internal, unconditional self belief. Instead, it's as fragile as find bone China and based entirely on external validation.

That means these people are often intolerant of feedback that might challenge their delicate opinion of themselves. Well, they may appear confident to us they quickly become defensive and dismissive of situation. And people they feel are threatening to their inflated sense of self. When our self esteem comes instead from the inside, we don't appear cocky or arrogant. We don't need external validation to thrive and we won't get defensive at the first time of threat. We can bring the other people around us up instead of putting them down.

A truly confident person does not require arrogance, which is nothing more than a smokescreen for insecurity. a confident person knowing and believing in their identity carries tools, not weapons. A cultural person does not need to one up anyone else. a confident person can be present to others, hear their perspectives, and integrate those views in ways that create value for everyone. true belief in oneself and one's ideas is grounding it diffuses threat for quote from Amy Cuddy myth to confidence can be faked. If you Ever been told that that old piece of advice, fake it till you make it.

You might even have given it a go. It might even have worked for you. But for many of us, simply to put on a facade and tell ourselves, we're confident when we're feeling butterflies in our stomach, we can't simply turn on the tap and expect a flood of bravery and self assurance come out. faking anything doesn't sit well with us. It feels dishonest, and we get hit by the additional fear of being found out. So attempting to fake confidence isn't how I choose to frame it.

For one, those who do remarkable things from stepping up on stage in front of hundreds or even thousands of eyes, to climbing mountains or running into burning buildings. These people aren't free from fear. They simply learn to feel the fear and do it anyway. Simply pretending the fear isn't there isn't going to work in these cases. The bravery comes from doing something despite of the fear then knowing what's possible and using that Confidence based on facts, no faking required to move forward and tackle future challenges. mystery, being an introvert means you lack competence.

As much as I'm a clear proponent for taking personality type tests and exploring our unique combinations of preferences and trades. There is one misunderstanding that I can get wound up over daily, that introversion that means low confidence. It's perfectly explained by Keith Blackmore noble for him at the confidence Alchemist blog, he says, I remember one time taking the Myers Briggs test, and it came as no surprise to me that whatsoever to learn that I was classified as an introvert, it seems pretty logical. I was shy and didn't like meeting new people. Therefore, it made sense that I was an introvert. Many years later, once I completely conquered my shyness, I decided to retake the test to see how things changed.

Now, but I was outgoing. Happy to sing Dance and act on stage, speak to groups go to parties and speak with complete strangers. Surely I would now be high up on the extrovert scale. Surprisingly, I got the results, and they were exactly the same as they'd been all those years ago. I was still very clearly marked as an introvert. Surely That can't be right.

I thought to myself, I wasn't an introvert anymore. I was outgoing. I enjoyed socializing with people I enjoyed performing on stage. These aren't the traits of an introvert. So keys sorry, reminds us that while introversion and extraversion are characteristics that do relate to how we interact with others, they don't determine how confident we are. These terms simply does not describe how we source our energy and how we process information.

You can be a shy extrovert and an outgoing introvert, it doesn't really matter. What's important to remember is that competence can be changed. mythical confidence is down to genetics. Confidence is something we're all born with it vital to our survival. If an infant lacks the confidence to attempt walking wouldn't get very far. No link has ever been shown between confidence and our genetic makeup.

It's true that our genes and brain chemistry are responsible for about 25 to 35% of our personality. But what about the rest? Their main debt has been sculpted and continues to be sculpted by our environment, how we were raised the people around us, our mindset, how we interpret what happens around us. So regardless of what you were told as a child or an adolescent, and wherever you're you rate your current confidence level. You can change it at any stage in life. Define your confidence levels of x.

Just as our confidence level is not fixed from birth. It can also fluctuate on a daily basis. It can fluctuate depending on who we're with, what we're what we're doing where we are today. Even the weather can influence how confident we feel. If you associate the number 13 with bad luck, for example, and you're giving a presentation on Friday the 13th there's a good chance you're feeling less confident than you would having it been on the 12th. There are lots of variables that affects how confident we feel.

But the first step towards working to it feel more competent, is noticing this. Take note of how you feel listening to this, who whatever you going to do next. How do you rate your current confidence level? It could surprise you as to what is fueling or draining your confidence level. So now we know what confidence isn't. Let's have a look at what it is.

Confidence is made up of these three areas, self esteem, this is our judgment of how valuable we are, how comfortable we feel in being ourselves. competence, sometimes referred to as self efficacy, and this is how people we field perform tasks, so problems and achieve goals and belonging. And this relates to how well we feel accepted by others. It's common that that somebody who is low in one of these areas tends to be low and others, but it's also possible to have low self esteem but have high competence or a sense of belonging. For example, as a recovering perfectionist myself, and having spoken to many others, this combination can pop up frequently, perfectionist, maybe over critical and negative about their own personal traits, low self esteem, and yet can see themselves as quite capable in certain areas high competence. perfectionist architects might consider themselves competent at technical drawing, but feel unattractive and uncharismatic as a person.

This occurs when we can assess our competence as tasks with clear guidelines, but feel uncertain in situations without clear metrics. Like in relationships Someone with high self esteem can show up fully in projects and engage with people because they aren't crippled with fear or failure or rejection. Of course, they still get hurt and disappointed when things don't go to plan. But their setbacks don't diminish their sense of self. They are resilient, open to new experiences and relationships have a higher tolerance to risk and are accepting and forgiving of themselves and others. How confidence evolves over time.

Being formed slowly and primarily over I childhood years was competence and belonging can be strict strengthens by actions we take on thoughts we hold. self esteem is more emotionally driven, and therefore trickier to control. If you have low self esteem, instead of dwelling on what its root causes, you can take action and start filling up the tank today. Just as it took years to drain, it will take some time to build up again, like most process in this class, I can't promise overnight Change. I can however, show you the small steps you can take on a daily basis to start filling up your confidence tank. How confident are you?

To get an idea of where your confidence level sits right now? The most accurate way is to get familiar with how it feels to you. So low confidence feels unenthusiastic, like shame, anger, frustration, stress, anxiety or uncertainty. high confidence feels safe, secure, like connection, passion, clarity, and calm. Confidence allows you to discover new opportunities and take them. It allows you to take on criticism and rejection.

Find comfort in new or challenging situations. embrace change and make things happen and do what you fear in order to achieve your goals. competence is not a weapon that we're given that allows us to go into battle and face our fears and conquer all. It's the strength and skill that we build up by going into battle, getting our battle scars and continuing to fight. On. low confidence isn't the missing piece in the puzzle.

It isn't the tool that's going to make your life better or get you that perfect job. It won't get you more money with love or time. It's the actions we take using the confidence we gain that makes the difference. This is how we get from here to there. actions that aren't always automatic, but that are consistent steps in the right direction. taking those steps, though, requires confidence, confidence to keep stepping up, even when we stumble, even when we fall.

Confidence to know that's all we hope to achieve is waiting for us if we take action. Unfortunately, many people go through life not fully realizing this. They spend time bitching and moaning to their loved ones on the internet, that life would be so much better if or when they wish their situation was different. that something would change and make it all better for them. All this time is wasted because they fail to realize they could have everything they want if they start walking towards it. Harrison tools to start taking those steps to one, tell yourself a better story.

So first of all, identify where your lack of confidence is. A great place to start is the past. This is usually where our current fears stem from. Even if we aren't fully aware of a past experience, are you basing your current fear forecasts on that time you wet your pants in the school play? That time You forgot your lyrics on stage. That time you dropped an F bomb in a job interview.

That time you dropped an F bomb in a job interview. Or maybe it's a new experience, and that's what scares you. fear of the unknown is one of our oldest most core fears. In either case, all we can do is to write a new story. Step two, write your shitty first draft. If you're familiar with Anne Lamott, or Bernie brown for that method, you'll probably know what I mean by shitty first draft, or SFD.

It's best described by lamotte herself This passage from Bird by Bird, I'd start writing without reining myself in. It was almost just typing, just making my fingers move, and the writing would be terrible. The next day, I'd sit down, go through all the colored pen, take out everything I possibly could find a new lead somewhere on the second page, figure out a tricky place to end it, and then write a second draft. It always turned out fine, sometimes even funny and weird and helpful. Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere.

Start by getting something anything down on paper. That's what our fear forecast is. We write down what story we're currently telling ourselves. No matter how crazy or mad it sounds, just get it out. Step three. rewrite your story.

Now we have a page in front of us, filled with the scary thing that hasn't happened last week, can't control how it pans out. We can control how we feel about It's time to rewrite your story and turn into one where everything works out and you don't feel as awful as you did when you originally wrote it. It might even be a better, happier story. I know that's easier than it sounds, trying to imagine ourselves as calm and collected. While we're feeling scared and stressed. It's kind of like imagining the taste of marshmallow whilst you're chewing liver.

Thanks, Dan Gilbert. But I find this that helpful. A big fear of many seem to be brides and grooms is to be set up at the altar. But those who have had it happened to them, so it was actually the best thing ever happened to them. So getting jilted is more painful in prospect than in retrospect, it can be true for your future scary thing too. Physically writing down how you want to experience our future is incredibly useful.

Whether or not you buy into the idea of manifesting just with just the process of envisioning better outcome will help relieve you of your current fear. What do we do if the fear is now like you're in the dentist's chair right now? Well, that's quite unlikely because you probably wouldn't be watching this class. But I have a tactic anyway because I over prepare. Remind yourself, this is all part of your story. You're just experiencing the cliffhanger.

The page turning moments, there will be a next chapter. For example, lack of confidence. I'm uncoordinated and bad at all sports. Your SFT story, a PE teacher told my mom I was uncoordinated and that she should practice throwing a ball at me age 13 news story. I have never fully committed to practicing anything sporting because of this belief. So I don't know if this is even true.

If I want to, I'm sure I could learn and improve any sport that I'd like to to show yourself some esteem. First step here is to remember that awareness is a good thing. The sheer fact that you're critical about your abilities is a sign that you care. The key ingredient to mastering anything is to care enough about it so that you want to improve. If the Great's felt imposter syndrome and they did, you can put yourself on the same path, the tumultuous path to mastery, tree frauds how's that for an oxymoron? don't admit to any problems, insecurities or fears, and that's a quote from Jennifer method.

Step two, give yourself an appraisal. This is particularly useful if you're self employed. when there isn't anyone to give you positive feedback. You need to be the one to supply it yourself. list any achievements you're proud of. What are your skills?

What could you talk about for hours? Chances are you're better than them, but vast majority of people at these things. Step three, show others Some esteem. Weirdly, this has the effect of boosting not just somebody else's esteem, but yours too. This means taking a step back from those who make you feel inadequate, and lift somebody else up in a way that you would like to be. The more you raise somebody else's self esteem, the more yours goes up, which is somewhat ironic, as often that people with low self esteem, knock others thinking it will help them.

It's also worth noting how making the other person feel comfortable will make you feel more comfortable. Whenever you feel like you're on the spot and you feel self conscious. Put the light on them by turning your attention that we normally focus inward to the outside. It may not come naturally to you at first, given that we're introverts and we tend to shine our lights inwards, but it does work like a charm when you start practicing it, particularly if you're presenting or speaking in meetings. The truth is we all need to feel more valued and important. tool three, the jar of awesome I like this idea because it's something you can actually use.

The Notebook or journal feels like something you might hide away, but the jar of awesome it takes pride of place in your room. Simply write something you appreciate about yourself on scraps of paper, fold them up and pop them in. This jar gets filled with little things that people have said that you've thought that you've read or heard. Anything that makes you feel good about yourself and your situation. Over time, you can see this accumulates and you can dip into it whenever you need a little confidence boost. action step, pick one of the three tools we went through and put it into action today.