Lack of energy, introverts have to take responsibility for their energy. It's a finite resource. And if we aren't careful, we can let energy vampires drain us dry. Here are some practical tips for maintaining maximum energy all day long. When our energy is being depleted, it's usually one of the following few possible culprits. We're saying yes to too many things.
We're saying no to too many things. We're letting our boundaries be broken into. We're spending time with vampires, energy vampires, that is and we're not giving ourselves adequate care. Let's tackle all of these entities as individually starting with saying yes, as introverts managing what we say yes to is key to maintaining our energy levels. One of the defining factors of being an introvert is how much time alone you feel like you need. This is tricky once get clear on getting an accurate count on how much time we need to learn.
With others depends on a lot of factors and can vary from day to day. You might find that if you work from home and don't tend to see many people on a typical day, you need to book in coffee dates with friends or go to dinner a couple of times a week to get a good social connection. Which yes and even introverts need. However, when we start to over commit to too many social activities, like going to a barbecue on Saturday, then spending Sunday morning at a yoga class, followed by at brunch with a friend and then visiting our parents, we can find ourselves exhausted and depleted. Come Sunday night. Telling people especially loved ones that we can't attend their event, of course comes with its own challenges.
When you've been launched in the pattern of being the person who always says yes, whether or not you want to do something, it takes an initial effort to find a way to break that pattern. The short version of this is much like pulling off a band aid. You know that the sooner you refuse an invite, the better I've made the mistake many times of saying yes to something, only to regret my decision and later having to come up with an elaborate excuse in order to fail. Trust me, this way is much harder and less kind than the former. Sooner more honestly, you can tell somebody you can or can't attend an event, the better. It does help to give a reason why you can't attend and fantasy excuses are not required property, saying no to any things.
Equally, saying no to too many invites and experiences is also likely to lead to burnout. This is partly because one creative types need a lot of new experiences to keep us entertained and inspired. And to no one is 100% introvert and that means that there is a little bit of extra effort in us that needs to be fed with social time. I've noticed from solo travel adventures that after approximately three days, I'm aching to talk to people and not just chit chat with a barista Need really good in depth one to one conversations that lasts longer than 10 minutes. Once I have my energy resets restored through a bit of social contacts, I can get back to my lifetime. For you, your energy requirements may be very different.
This requires a good deal of experimentation. But also simply keeping track of how you're spending your days and how you feel on a day to day basis will really help you work out what you need. The difference between boredom and apathy, lack of novel or social stimulation, and exhaustion, too much excitement and social events is subtle, but learning to differentiate the two will guide you in your choices. So I've set myself some principles one being, I don't book more than two things back to back. I always allow for padding between events and meetings. And two, I don't book evening events for more than two days in a row.
So this would mean I stay in tonight. I have an event tomorrow. And then on Friday, I'm in my PJs. IPM and spend the night in with some decent wine and a wildlife documentary. And three, I use an energy ledger. So everything I do that involves people gets assigned a negative number.
If it's one person, it might be minus one. If it's a group of close friends and minus three, if it's a large networking event, it might be minus nine, and so on. So I assigned a restorative activities like long walks, painting, crochet reading cooking as positive numbers. I try to design my week so that these numbers get balanced out and that the average number is a positive one. If it's a zero, that's fine, too. I do believe it's important to stretch our introvert comfort bubble as much as possible, so that we're still doing these things that move our business and life forward.
Three, we're letting our boundaries be broken into boundaries are like drawing a line in the sand and saying, You're here. I will not go further than you cannot come in. boundaries let people know where they stand because you know where you stand. Boundaries let bullies know that you won't let them give you a metaphorical wedgie and boundaries are neutral. A third party that can be turned to when there's disagreement in relationship. Use your truenorth to guide your boundaries.
If the concept of boundaries is still feeling too fluffy to you, I don't blame me. It might help to see boundaries as the actions you take to live out your values or your truenorth defined in a previous class. For example, you might value respectful communication highly in your relationships. So your boundary is that communications must be respectful. You must show respect in your communication and expect the same from others. When you feel someone hasn't shown you the respect in their communication, via written verbal or in their mannerisms.
You have a choice. Your choice is yours. Whether or not to tell the person what to expect, or discontinue communicating with them. It's that simple. accepting it and letting the lack of respect continue is just going to let your boundaries get broken into time and time again. noting how you feel after social interactions, even with folk you consider your closest friends or family is going to give you a clear idea about where your boundaries are, and whether they're being respected or broken into a pool energy vampires.
The more time you spend with people who energize you, encourage you and support you, the more confident you'll feel in yourself, your work and your ability to receive awards from that work. We all have those people who, as much as we love them, tend to speak only about topics that bring us down. They might be little us without realizing it, or simply remind us of any of our own received insecurities. Consider spending less time with these energy vampires. Julia Cameron uses the term crazy maker To describe this type of person, crazy makers are those personalities that create storm centers. They're often charismatic, frequently charming, and for the creative person in their vicinity.
They are enormously disruptive. I've had my own experience with the crazy making vampire. It took me some time to realize it, and I'll never blame her or judge her for this, but I do know our relationship was a toxic one. She was the parent I was the child. I did as she said, and often as she did, I listened to her dramatic tales, and pander to her often irrational month. While I occasionally stood my ground, it caused more trouble than I felt it was worth.
And over time, I learned to just do my best to obey. It wasn't until a couple of years after graduating, that I had enough distance and security built up in my life, that I could take the plunge and break up with this toxic friend. For me, my avoidance of breakup was simple. I stopped texting Now you could judge me and say cat, how could you, you could have faced her and explained why your friendship had come to an end? Well, you'd be totally just in saying that, I'll admit, there was one awkward email where I had to explain myself and honestly, I wish I sent it sooner. If you have an energy vampire in your life, please don't drag it out.
It's not burying yourself or them. I feel sympathy for anyone who doesn't have the advantage that physical distance brings. She was a friend. But if you were in a relationship with somebody living with them, or if it's a family member, you might need support from elsewhere to take the plunge and cut ties. It's also worth remembering. It's no one's fault.
It's just what happens when two beings are not good for each other. It might have paired the energy vampire that I was helping her. My introvert listening capabilities meant she had somebody to offload Horizonte. But I was just feeding that dependency. The moral of all of this, I guess it's Be honest. Be honest with yourself first.
Who the heck are you? What do you really enjoy? Who energizes you? Who drains you? Finally, don't feel guilty for choosing what you want. It does everyone a favor in the long run.
Fine, inadequate nourishment. Self Care is a term I'm cautious about using because I worry that the messaging people associate with this is to take a bubble bath and eat some chocolate and all will be well. I prefer to use the term nourishment, because it's just an act that all living things require. And it hasn't been muddied as much by others yet. In reality, we all need different types of nourishment. And what sounds lovely to one person will sound kind of boring and overly indulgent to another.
Again, past this is getting practice in translating your moods to work out your own treatment. I'm spending too much time looking at my laptop screen. I'll notice symptoms, and that's in grumpy unenthusiastic about projects that normally like me up on my bum is getting sued sitting too long. My nourishment prescription to myself can range from a break on the yoga mat to a walk down by the sea or an hour reading. It can help to have that ready to do list of ideas that you consider to be genuinely restorative and nourishing. These go to times when your energy is low.
Action step booking one caring or nurturing activity for yourself this week.