Hi, I'm Bill Crosby. And this video is about the interpersonal gap by dr. john Wallen. Now I first got exposed to this theory, this model of communication back in the early 1980s. And what I only recently learned is that colleagues of Dr. Rawlins added three enhancements, all of which I think, fit the intent of Dr. Wallen, so I've included them all in this presentation, but I want you to know what was the original work of Dr. Wallen, and I'm going to point out the enhancements as we proceed. Here is an overview of the entire model of the interpersonal gap, but to boil it down, and by the way, I'm going to blow this up into pieces. So you'll be able to easily see the different elements of the model.

It begins with intention in the sender and if the impact on the receiver is different than what was intended, then that's what Dr. Wallen calls a gap. His original language was effect. And so one of the enhancements was just changing the word to impact which I like. It's stuck with me over the years. So I'm sticking with it in the model, but again, his original word was effect. So the process starts with intention.

We all have intentions. Right now I intend to be clear, concise, there's a lot of ground to cover here, and as engaging as possible. Sometimes it helps to be clear about your intentions if especially if it's a difficult conversation, but for the most part, intentions are unspoken. And from moment to moment, it's impossible to even be clear about them yourself as the sender and that's where the communication process can easily start to break down. So it begins with we have private intentions. In the moment, we translate them.

We encode them in Dr. wallens language. And in order to communicate what we want to communicate, now, that's the second enhancement. Someone added the concept of filters to this encoding process. I think that's a helpful enhancement. We all have filters. We all carry filters about differences.

You enter a room, you immediately lightning fast notice gender differences, race differences, cultural differences, age differences. You just notice it. You don't necessarily think about it or even notice that you're noticing. But of course, you notice these differences. And they can influence how we choose to communicate how we choose to behave. And so of course, my goal is to be able to tune in to people and not let any beliefs I have about differences get in the way.

I imagine that's your goal. So if you want to overcome those differences, you have to be aware of them. We have different we have filters about authority. We started out small, we were cared for by a lot of bigger people, adults, we carry beliefs about how authority figures should behave into interactions. And we easily can have judgments and emotional reactions based on that. So it's wise to be aware of your filter about authority, or your filter about conflict.

Some people hold the belief that conflict is generally unnecessary, unproductive and to be avoided. Others hold the belief that you can't really have a good relationship if you don't hash things out. Others Hold the belief that if you can't talk through differences, then you're not likely to come up with the best solutions. But these are all in filters that each of us carry, you have your own unique filter. And those are just three of the things authority differences, conflict, that are in your filter your belief system that influences your behavior with others. it's wise to know as much as you can about your own beliefs, and how they influence your behavior.

So boom, through the filter, encoding our intentions into behavior while and was very specific here. behavior is only what's public words. Right now you're hearing my words, you're hearing my tone of voice, you're seeing my facial expressions and body language. We experience those things and draw conclusions about You may think that I'm competent and relaxed, you may think that I'm talking too fast or too slow, you'll have judgments about it all have judgments about it. But if we watch this video more than once, the behavior itself won't change, the judgments might change. That's because we're constantly judging behavior.

And it's possible to have very different judgments about the same behavior. That's one of the core elements of this model. Dr. Moravian, came up with some very famous research about behavior. And in moments where you have any mistrust of the other person of the sender, this chart breaks down where people get most of their information in those moments. If I say to you, thanks a lot. It's unlikely that you will take that as a true thanks.

You'll instead wisely tune into the tone of voice, the body language, the facial expression. And so as you can see, boom 55% in this study of how we get our messages comes from the body language 38% from the tone of voice only 7% from the words, in an intense emotional situations, people often walk away thinking they know what somebody else said. But really, maybe they only heard the part of it that they liked the least. And then we translate it we may even add words to what we think we heard, the brain is mysterious and lightning fast. And so this is where some of the misunderstanding will come from. Just get it that a lot of the message you send is through these nonverbal And even if you choose the words that you think are the perfect words, people may receive your message and hear it very differently than what was intended.

So then the receiver decodes again, the filtering process is fully in play. If I again have any reason to mistrust, or maybe I just miss trust authority figures in general, and it's coming from an authority figure in my organization, then even if they're maybe offering me something, I may think it's a trick I made. So I will be then hyper alert to deception. So, our filter influences mightily our belief about the intention and the meaning of the message from the sender and that leads To the impact, the initial impact lightning fast we have our interpretation of what the other person meant. split second, emotional impact. The initial impact is emotional based on that quick judgment, whoops, boom in his private, it's inside.

You may or may not know how other people are taking your message. Have you ever been misunderstood? That's the interpersonal gap in action. You had intentions. Here's the whole process. You had intentions.

They took what you did or said very differently than you expected. That's a moment where you've been misunderstood. Now consider if you're willing, that you have moments where you misunderstand others. If you don't like What you think somebody else meant? There's a good chance It's a misunderstanding. Dr. Wallen says most conflict is a result of misunderstanding because it is easy for in this whole process the message to get received differently than how it was originally intended.

So one of the gifts of this model is to have some objectivity if I don't like what I think somebody else meant, if I can just take a deep breath and get it that I may have misunderstood, then I can save myself and them a whole lot of needless gap, at least. If I just walk away thinking I understood it and not liking it and maybe complaining about them to others. Can you believe what they did? Then I am just perpetuating the gap rather than closing it. There are some other important implications. Dr. Wallen said I know myself by my intentions.

I know others by I want you to finish that sentence. Most people, and I've worked with this model globally in many countries, many cultures, most people around the world, say, I know others by their actions. No. I know others, by my interpretation of their actions. That is how we form our emotional reaction to what other people have said or done. If I'm in a meeting, somebody speaks up, I may admire their courage and be thankful that they spoke.

The person next to me may think they were rude or disrespectful. The person next to them may have a different interpretation. We know others who are unique interpretations. Even if let's say I have a group of peers, and there's somebody in a position of authority in the room, and all the peers and I get together and agree they were micromanaging. That's an interpretation of their behavior. Just because several of us think it doesn't make it the only possible interpretation or judgment or perception.

All those words are interchangeable in this model. It's highly unlikely that the sender intended it as micromanagement, whatever that is, that's in the eye of the beholder. Judgment is in the eye of the beholder. If you actually talk to them, they'll probably be surprised that it was received that way. That's part of the implication of this video. model that can be very powerful in decreasing needless drama and increasing communication.

That closes gaps. Here's another important implication. I'm walking through the woods. I looked down. There's a snake. Fear, the impact private inside me fear.

I look again. It's a crooked stick. Okay, I'm relieved. Maybe a little embarrassed. Did this stick cause my emotions? Of course not.

My perception, my misperception. My misunderstanding of the external environment caused my emotion of fear. That is also true in relationships, work relationships, home relationships. I create my own emotions. You create your Remove own emotions through your interpretations of what other people intend and mean moment to moment. If I can remember that, then I can stop blaming others, you made me mad, and I can start to put the responsibility where it belongs the way I understood your message, created mad, created anger in me or fear or whatever discomfort I have.

If I can catch that and take a deep breath and consider maybe I misunderstood then I can again reduce needless drama, close gaps, and have a lot less of self created conflict in life. Wallen describes four very useful skills for closing gaps. I'm going to cover them in my next video. I hope you have enjoyed this video. Take care