1 00:00:10,290 --> 00:00:14,400 Unknown: This last section of this course, in this small the, 2 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:20,370 gonna give you some examples of some challenges in 3 00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:24,150 relationships, typical challenges that I normally hear 4 00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:26,040 from people. And 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:31,740 there's such a small things and easily resolvable and I wish 6 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:36,420 everybody just would look at it differently and use some 7 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:42,960 different ways of dealing with this things. So here's my few 8 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:46,830 examples of this typical problems in relationships and 9 00:00:46,830 --> 00:00:51,630 how to solve them. Solve in a more productive way for the 10 00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:55,440 relationship itself. Okay, and I'm going to start with the 11 00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:56,340 blending. 12 00:00:57,390 --> 00:01:00,000 What I mean by that you see as many secrets 13 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,680 So, the first thing that comes to mind is just say, this is 14 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:08,310 your fault.

You know, whatever happens is your fault. I mean, 15 00:01:08,310 --> 00:01:11,250 you shouldn't have done this. I told you, you shouldn't do this. 16 00:01:11,310 --> 00:01:14,190 And that's it. And it's just all about blaming, blaming, blaming, 17 00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:17,550 blaming each other. No, it's you know, it's, you know, it's you.

18 00:01:18,090 --> 00:01:23,520 And even if you're ready to talk, sometimes people just take 19 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,540 it to the next level. Let's talk about this. And then they start 20 00:01:27,540 --> 00:01:31,200 with what you see you doing this wrong, and you do this wrong. 21 00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:35,220 That's why I make this way, but I'm open to talk about, but what 22 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,200 are they doing in essence, already, they're already 23 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:41,190 bleeding from the very start, they blaming another person. And 24 00:01:41,190 --> 00:01:44,100 when it doesn't turn out, of course, it affects the other 25 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:49,050 person's ego, and he was already getting the position to actually 26 00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:53,160 start the fighting. And that's it.

It's not productive from 27 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,810 that point on even if you want to try to resolve the situation 28 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,000 in a peaceful way. So instead of 29 00:02:00,630 --> 00:02:03,930 Blaming the person and starting with like, oh, you're doing 30 00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:04,800 something wrong. 31 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:11,130 Try to just open up your mind, speak your mind and nothing the 32 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:15,750 way that I think you are doing everything wrong and this is 33 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:18,990 what's happening. But talk about your feelings. Just talk about 34 00:02:18,990 --> 00:02:21,960 your thoughts for example, instead of saying something like 35 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:25,710 I think you are the one who has been hurting me and us 36 00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:29,010 specifically doing this things that you know, I don't like 37 00:02:29,070 --> 00:02:32,910 being done, but you always do it anyways is that you 38 00:02:33,090 --> 00:02:38,370 intentionally want to hurt me.

Okay. So, this is an example 39 00:02:38,370 --> 00:02:43,530 where you making the assumption of whatever other person's 40 00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:48,420 intentions are, and you tell him that in the form of the blame 41 00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:52,500 basically, even if you don't mean it as blame, they will 42 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:57,180 perceive it as blame because you are the one that defining his or 43 00:02:57,180 --> 00:02:59,970 her actions okay for him and the 44 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,740 Let, don't give them an opportunity to actually express 45 00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:05,670 their point of view. 46 00:03:06,899 --> 00:03:11,489 So instead of saying something like that, what you would say in 47 00:03:11,489 --> 00:03:16,049 this situation is, you know what? I feel like you are 48 00:03:16,049 --> 00:03:18,149 neglecting my feelings because 49 00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:24,720 I could swear that I told you that.

I don't like this things. 50 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:29,700 And I see that it keep happening. And I keep getting 51 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:33,420 upset because of that. And there's nothing I can do with 52 00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:39,270 myself. So I'm just letting you know that it still bugs me. And 53 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,060 I don't know what else to do with it.

So let's find the 54 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:47,220 solution to this problem together. Okay. Clearly, I don't 55 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:51,510 blame you. I understand that. It's me. It's my reaction.

I'm 56 00:03:51,540 --> 00:03:55,200 totally responsible for my feelings for my emotions, okay. 57 00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:59,970 I'm responsible enough to okay. You ours 58 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,630 For your emotions, you are responsible for your behavior. 59 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:07,800 You are responsible how people treat you. Okay? You are 60 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,350 responsible.

Yeah, not, maybe sounds funny. 61 00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:14,220 But it is your choice you do because you don't respect 62 00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:18,150 yourself enough to set your boundaries. If you don't respect 63 00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:22,350 yourself to say no in certain ways, or you firm of some 64 00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:25,530 people, but it is completely your responsibility. It's not 65 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:31,170 your fault. And it can be really clearly, it's not your fault. It 66 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:35,880 is your responsibility.

So learn from it. If you're not happy 67 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:40,260 with how people behave, learn from it, and talk to them. 68 00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:44,940 Express your feelings and express your way of seeing how 69 00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:49,650 it could develop for you to feel better. Give them an opportunity 70 00:04:49,650 --> 00:04:54,930 to help you in this way. Ask them to help you not to blame 71 00:04:54,930 --> 00:04:58,740 them that don't blame them, and I'm just asking them to not 72 00:04:58,740 --> 00:05:00,000 somehow don't 73 00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:04,440 Do not do whatever they want to do morally, just, you know, 74 00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,790 don't ask for them to sacrifice something for you work around 75 00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:12,930 this thing, create something new, create a new way of viewing 76 00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:14,370 the situation. Okay?

77 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:16,080 So 78 00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:21,060 the next thing I want to mention is ability to forgive and 79 00:05:21,060 --> 00:05:24,900 accounting kind of comes hand in hand here, okay, and what is the 80 00:05:24,900 --> 00:05:30,420 ability to forgive? And also ask for forgiveness. It is really 81 00:05:30,420 --> 00:05:34,320 important, okay, because this ability, it alleviates a lot of 82 00:05:34,350 --> 00:05:38,610 stress. it alleviates a lot of tension in relationship and in 83 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,790 in arguments and all those things and it doesn't cost you 84 00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:46,260 anything to ask for forgiveness, okay? Because you gotta 85 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:49,860 understand what forgiveness is. It's not wrong to ask her.

86 00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:56,490 Don't say that. Yes, I am guilty. And I'll you know, I'm 87 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:59,580 sorry. Okay. Please forgive me. 88 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:05,130 Nothing this way, always apologize and the way that, you 89 00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:09,390 know, this is just the way it happened this way.

And I'm sorry 90 00:06:09,390 --> 00:06:14,370 it happened, but I'm not guilty. Don't ever take some blame for 91 00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:20,070 it for anything. Don't ever play this guilty, okay? This is the 92 00:06:20,070 --> 00:06:22,890 huge advice that I want to give you. Just remember it's really 93 00:06:22,890 --> 00:06:27,870 important. Do not ever take any guilt for what you've done.

94 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,620 Okay? Understand is just happens, whatever needs to 95 00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:35,490 happen happen, okay? And you can learn from it. This is what you 96 00:06:35,490 --> 00:06:40,320 can do. You can learn from, okay, but don't get guilty, 97 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:43,980 don't feel guilty that it happened. And don't acknowledge 98 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:47,310 the guilt, even if the other person is trying to pressure you 99 00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:52,410 into.

Okay, it's really that's a separate topic, and they'll 100 00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,660 mention it again. But do not. 101 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:59,940 Don't ever make another person feel guilty about something 102 00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:04,050 Because it will break your relationship, it will destroy 103 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:07,740 guilt is the worst thing that you can create in the 104 00:07:07,740 --> 00:07:10,530 relationship. And this is what normally happens in times of 105 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:15,120 conflict. We start blaming each other and provoking this feeling 106 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,780 of guilt. admit your guilt, you have to admit that it was your 107 00:07:18,780 --> 00:07:23,550 fault.

You are the guilty one because I'm definitely not. But 108 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:27,510 soon as you both are not that you know, this just happened, 109 00:07:27,630 --> 00:07:30,810 okay, and you both sorry that it happened and let's together 110 00:07:30,810 --> 00:07:34,290 let's let's fix it, then it's a completely different thing. You 111 00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:37,320 see, you need to fix it together. Whatever happens you 112 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,900 need to fix it together, but you can't fix them together. Because 113 00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:43,980 if one of you is guilty, or feeling guilty, because this 114 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:47,880 show low level state of consciousness that out of this 115 00:07:48,570 --> 00:07:52,440 out of the state, creation cannot be done. It's just kept 116 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:55,860 it's physically impossible.

It's it's completely different state 117 00:07:55,860 --> 00:07:59,970 of mind, mental and emotional state of mind. 118 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:04,950 seduction to like to higher power something is completely 119 00:08:04,950 --> 00:08:09,780 powerless, okay? So don't do this don't don't blame each 120 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:15,270 other, don't don't feel guilty and you will see a big 121 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:19,320 improvement. So you need to fix everything together and it will 122 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,100 actually help you relationship rather than destroy if you're 123 00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:30,120 blaming and pointing fingers at each other. Okay. So another 124 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:30,630 thing 125 00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:38,940 after I say after you already acknowledge the forgive somebody 126 00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:42,480 and ask for forgiveness, you need to understand 127 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:45,450 what exactly are you forgiving?

128 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:51,870 And what exactly I asked him the forgiveness for and what is 129 00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:54,180 forgiveness and why. 130 00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,830 Why is it not so easy sometimes to forgive? Okay, I just want to 131 00:08:58,830 --> 00:08:59,880 briefly mention this 132 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,060 processor, you can understand that though. It's a little bit 133 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,680 off topic. But still, 134 00:09:05,759 --> 00:09:08,219 many people don't understand forgiveness and forgiveness 135 00:09:08,219 --> 00:09:12,389 basically, in essence is understanding, understanding 136 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,969 what can you get out of the situation whenever you 137 00:09:16,199 --> 00:09:21,209 understand what you got out of the situation, it suddenly you 138 00:09:21,209 --> 00:09:23,549 don't have this resistance, you don't have the result of 139 00:09:23,819 --> 00:09:27,839 resentment about the situation. You don't have any regret about 140 00:09:27,839 --> 00:09:32,009 it.

You're actually feeling gratitude. So if you're not 141 00:09:32,009 --> 00:09:36,239 feeling gratitude about some kind of situation means you 142 00:09:36,239 --> 00:09:38,399 don't have a forgiveness about it. You didn't forgive 143 00:09:38,429 --> 00:09:39,089 completely. 144 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:44,880 person or situation of God or or yourself or whatever. 145 00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:49,860 So, in order to forgive in order to get to this step, you need to 146 00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:52,620 see what is the benefit in this whole situation. What's the 147 00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:55,530 lesson that you can learn from this whole situation?

And as 148 00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:56,670 soon as you see the lesson 149 00:09:58,830 --> 00:09:59,640 and you take it 150 00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:03,719 You actually learn something from, from this whole situation 151 00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:07,499 suddenly can be something that you can be grateful for, even if 152 00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:12,359 it's a little thing. And this lesson may be really unpleasant 153 00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:16,439 and can be really rough. But if you do learn from it, then you 154 00:10:16,439 --> 00:10:20,369 can be grateful. Even for such a horrible sometimes lesson, 155 00:10:20,699 --> 00:10:24,749 something really uncomfortable, you can be grateful. And if you 156 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:25,109 can 157 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,520 kind of put yourself in this position where you are grateful, 158 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:34,860 then that's it. They this whole feeling of gratitude for this 159 00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:39,660 for this lesson, it will dissipate this whole situation 160 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,990 out of you, like it doesn't have any more resistance, you're just 161 00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:46,950 gonna lose all those lower low fueled feelings like guilt and 162 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:53,190 grief about this whole thing or, or anger or all those things 163 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:57,450 that just dissipate, and you just let it go.

Like a balloon. 164 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,970 It's just gonna fly away. That's it. 165 00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:04,170 So this is what forgiveness really is. And if you learn to 166 00:11:04,170 --> 00:11:07,290 forgive, it's a really powerful tool. So this is what you need 167 00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:10,320 to do.

You just need to ask another person for forgiveness. 168 00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:14,400 So a person need to know what forgiveness is. So basically 169 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,030 saying, 170 00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:21,179 Please forgive me. And that means something like, hey, just 171 00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:24,719 just learn from it, and let's fix it together. Just kind of 172 00:11:24,719 --> 00:11:28,079 what you're trying to say when you say, Please forgive. Not 173 00:11:28,079 --> 00:11:32,369 like, they, it's my fault.

I'm guilty. I'm not gonna do it 174 00:11:32,369 --> 00:11:35,879 again. No, don't don't promise something that you don't know. 175 00:11:36,149 --> 00:11:39,089 It's not going to happen. You cannot control these things. You 176 00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:44,399 don't have the power.

It might happen again. Okay? So don't say 177 00:11:44,399 --> 00:11:47,999 that. Just Just understand what forgiveness is and do this 178 00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:48,659 forgiving. 179 00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:50,280 So 180 00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:55,050 next thing I want to mention his 181 00:11:56,700 --> 00:11:59,850 expectations, of course, and acceptance and I mentioned it 182 00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:00,000 already. 183 00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:06,570 In a topic, and it is extremely important, stop expecting 184 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:08,310 something from another person.

185 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:12,690 No matter no matter what kind of relationship you already have 186 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:13,110 with them. 187 00:12:14,790 --> 00:12:17,130 It's not helping you cannot 188 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:22,980 you could not expect anything from the person because whenever 189 00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:27,390 there is expectation, there's always a potential for it to be 190 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:34,650 to be for you to be disappointed and say, okay, you are creating 191 00:12:34,650 --> 00:12:38,730 this possibility of disappointment with your own 192 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:42,750 expectation. So whenever you get disappointed when you partner in 193 00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:48,360 this relationship, it's actually your doing. So understand it and 194 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:53,820 take responsibility. So how to remedy this expecting thing? 195 00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:57,330 Well, first, of course, stop expecting things and start start 196 00:12:57,330 --> 00:12:58,110 accepting.

197 00:12:59,460 --> 00:12:59,970 Just accept 198 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,020 Whatever happens 199 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:06,540 this happens if it spills negatively you will learn from 200 00:13:06,540 --> 00:13:10,830 it and suddenly it stops being negative because you learn from 201 00:13:11,430 --> 00:13:16,110 and grow from together. Okay? So 202 00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:20,880 acceptance is the key here to remedy the situation. 203 00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:26,700 One more thing I want to mention is from communication. 204 00:13:30,270 --> 00:13:33,900 You always need to know what you want from this relationship. You 205 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:39,780 always need to know what you want.

Okay? Don't expect another 206 00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:43,830 person to have telepathy. We're not quite there yet as a 207 00:13:43,830 --> 00:13:47,730 society, okay. Yes, telepathy is possible. Yes, you can do it. 208 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,740 Yes, we are doing it with my 209 00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:54,960 my love together because we've been together for so long that 210 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:59,040 we can actually do it.

This is how telepathy works when we do 211 00:13:59,040 --> 00:13:59,970 actually really Shut it. 212 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:04,830 Mind, but don't expect telepathy from 213 00:14:06,089 --> 00:14:09,929 from your partner right away, especially in the beginning of 214 00:14:09,929 --> 00:14:15,149 the relationship. So you always have to communicate exactly what 215 00:14:15,149 --> 00:14:18,509 you want. Tell him exactly what you want. I want this I want my 216 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:22,079 life to be like that. I want you to take me to this specific 217 00:14:22,079 --> 00:14:26,189 Christian.

I want flowers, and I want them I want rose 218 00:14:26,219 --> 00:14:31,979 specifically, I want lilies. And I want you to start you know, 219 00:14:32,399 --> 00:14:36,029 doing this for me and I would love you to give me a massage. 220 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,620 Just Just say don't expect it and then get upset that it's a 221 00:14:40,620 --> 00:14:44,340 duck. Okay, this is just so silly. And it's such a common 222 00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:50,010 problem that girls somehow that they always expect guys to just 223 00:14:50,010 --> 00:14:54,210 be this mind reader's. Okay, we're not there yet.

Come on. 224 00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:57,210 Once we just just look around you. We're not there yet. We 225 00:14:57,210 --> 00:14:59,970 don't do it. We don't read minds yet. Okay.

226 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,810 We have so many other things on our mind that we cannot control. 227 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:10,080 We're like kids still, society, wherever they grow much. So 228 00:15:11,340 --> 00:15:15,750 just do yourself a favor and be honest. Be open these trades and 229 00:15:15,750 --> 00:15:18,840 know what you want. know exactly what you want and for that you 230 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,900 need to work with yourself, not with your partner, but with 231 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:22,590 yourself. 232 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:28,650 Sit down in your quiet place.

You know give yourself some 233 00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:31,710 time. Think about certain things, write them down, start 234 00:15:31,710 --> 00:15:34,290 journaling things. You know, write your wishes, write your 235 00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:34,980 desires. 236 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:40,260 Write out how you see your life and five years and 10 years 237 00:15:40,290 --> 00:15:44,190 roughly just you know, don't really plan it planning is 238 00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:49,260 different. But just what is your wish? How would you like your 239 00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:52,920 life to be envision it you know, don't be afraid of imagining 240 00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:58,500 good things for yourself.

Just Just go all out. But this is 241 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,940 something you have to do. 242 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,540 You know, this is something you have to know. Okay? Because a 243 00:16:03,540 --> 00:16:08,160 lot of people, some people come to my financial financial 244 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,420 trainings and 245 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:11,729 they tell me, 246 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,680 I want a million dollars. And my first question is, that's great.

247 00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:19,980 Everybody wants $2 million, pretty much the top two, but 248 00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:24,180 do you know what you're going to do with it? When you get it? 249 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,040 Where are you going to spend it? 250 00:16:27,630 --> 00:16:32,670 And this is where it gets stuck. 99% percent of people get stuck. 251 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,520 They don't know what they're going to do with numbers.

Yes, 252 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,080 they're going to buy a house. They're gonna buy a car for 253 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:43,320 300,000 but they don't know. Okay, so that's why I didn't get 254 00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:46,380 a million dollars. That's why it's not happening to them 255 00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:49,290 because they're not ready for it. Okay, same thing in 256 00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:53,220 relationships. This is why you're not getting what you want 257 00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,920 in relationship because you don't know.

You don't even know 258 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,820 you take the time to spend some time with yourself and write it 259 00:16:59,820 --> 00:16:59,970 all. 260 00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:05,460 thinking through, understand yourself, learn about yourself, 261 00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:08,970 learn new desires, learn the needs to learn, you want to 262 00:17:09,090 --> 00:17:12,360 separate those things in several topics, you know, what am I 263 00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:17,520 basic basic things there, right now? What is the things that I, 264 00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:23,070 I'd like to have in my life, genuinely, right now, but it's 265 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:28,680 not like, all the way out dreams right now. So, when somebody 266 00:17:28,740 --> 00:17:33,840 asks you, you know, when, when life is really to give you all 267 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,470 those things, you know, you need to know that there you're going 268 00:17:37,470 --> 00:17:42,540 to be able to recognize those things.

Okay? So, that is really 269 00:17:42,540 --> 00:17:46,020 important thing to do. Know yourself, know what you want, 270 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,760 and just tell your partner. always communicate this thing. 271 00:17:51,540 --> 00:17:53,550 straightforward, honestly. 272 00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:58,410 And first of all, be honest to yourself, is the key to 273 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:00,000 everything.

Honesty, to yourself. 274 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:05,429 is the key to paradise who say it's so true. Okay? Start with 275 00:18:05,429 --> 00:18:07,109 yourself. Be honest with yourself. 276 00:18:08,309 --> 00:18:13,199 Don't lie to yourself, be open with yourself know exactly your 277 00:18:13,199 --> 00:18:17,399 deepest desires, deep tears, all those things you have to know.

278 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,830 If not you then who the other person is gonna know all those 279 00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:27,570 things, they will never know the thing unless you kind of try to 280 00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:29,310 tell them but for that you need to know. 281 00:18:30,750 --> 00:18:31,530 Simply 282 00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:35,940 don't think I want to mention is how do you this 283 00:18:37,110 --> 00:18:40,980 tense emotional situations, and this is the toughest part. 284 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:45,030 You see, nobody taught us how to deal with emotional states. 285 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:49,470 Nobody explained this to make any sense. And this is the 286 00:18:49,830 --> 00:18:54,270 hardest part of every single relationship because one thing 287 00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:58,710 is to discuss some things. One thing is something's bothering 288 00:18:58,710 --> 00:18:59,970 you in relationship, something you 289 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:04,440 Like, it's all fixable, and you can work on it, you can work on 290 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,580 it slowly and 291 00:19:06,750 --> 00:19:10,800 it's okay.

It's normal things, right? But what makes 292 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:15,060 relationships really, really hard? And what makes them and 293 00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,190 majority of time 294 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,249 is the emotional state 295 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:25,890 majority of relationship and relationships and in 296 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:32,580 in the middle of emotional conflict, okay? And because 297 00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:37,290 emotionally we're kids, we're a completely undeveloped, we do 298 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:40,530 not know anything about emotions and how to deal with them, what 299 00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:43,260 they are and all that, all that stuff. So 300 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:51,120 basically, my advice to you here is, is that I'm going to briefly 301 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:55,530 explain what emotions are and how they rise and what to do 302 00:19:55,530 --> 00:19:59,970 with them. So first rule of emotional 303 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:06,210 Conflict is, don't let it escalate.

Because while you're 304 00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:07,830 still not that emotional, 305 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:13,770 you can still control at least one of you. And if one person 306 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:17,850 starts this emotional game and they're already like, all out 307 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,150 with negative emotions, it doesn't mean that you need to 308 00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:26,340 fall thing. Okay? You need to be strong, and you need to just 309 00:20:26,370 --> 00:20:28,710 ignore this whole thing. The more you 310 00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:33,300 ignore it, then the more 311 00:20:35,130 --> 00:20:36,150 the more power you have. 312 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:41,640 The more you react, the weaker you get.

313 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:47,640 It's really simple mechanics. But if you already went into 314 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,220 this emotional state and you already have this negative 315 00:20:50,220 --> 00:20:54,690 emotions, then just give yourself some time because 316 00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:56,760 emotions are nothing but this 317 00:20:57,870 --> 00:21:00,000 chemicals in our bodies and hormones. 318 00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:04,830 Just raise your blood flow and make you this in the state you 319 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,970 feel in the body is how they feel his emotions, right. But 320 00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:15,600 like any other chemical in our body is removed by our liver in 321 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:21,630 about a maximum of 12 minutes. Okay? So that's the maximum time 322 00:21:21,630 --> 00:21:22,590 that you need to be 323 00:21:24,060 --> 00:21:29,790 by yourself in a quiet place to become completely normal.

Unless 324 00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,730 of course you start the book in new motion with your thought 325 00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:36,510 process, because this is how emotions arise, you have a 326 00:21:36,510 --> 00:21:41,520 thought, and then you have a belief system. This thought is 327 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,820 going through this filter of a belief system and to tell you if 328 00:21:44,820 --> 00:21:49,410 it's good or bad, and how to react to it. And if it's a bad 329 00:21:49,410 --> 00:21:53,520 thought, and your reaction is negative to it, and it just 330 00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:57,060 sends the basically signal to your body to produce your own 331 00:21:57,060 --> 00:21:59,850 kind of chemical then you feel irritated or you feel angry or 332 00:21:59,850 --> 00:21:59,970 you 333 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:04,650 Do something or evil guilty, any kind of emotion begins to 334 00:22:04,650 --> 00:22:08,850 express.

So you cannot possibly stop the emotion when it's 335 00:22:08,850 --> 00:22:13,200 already happening. All you can do is not to spread this disease 336 00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:17,790 to another person. Okay? So do yourself a favor, take some time 337 00:22:17,790 --> 00:22:21,300 off, just cool off. That's why they call cool off, call your 338 00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,780 emotional imbalances because you are involved you cannot think 339 00:22:24,780 --> 00:22:28,590 you cannot react properly, your systems are all dominated by 340 00:22:28,590 --> 00:22:33,270 negative emotions. And negative emotions are not even a correct 341 00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:37,560 way of living at all.

They're dirt absolutely illusionary and 342 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:40,890 unnecessary. There's no possible benefit. You can find the 343 00:22:40,890 --> 00:22:44,250 negative emotions, it's just a waste of energy. You can 344 00:22:44,250 --> 00:22:48,540 understand that there will you will cherish his energy and try 345 00:22:48,540 --> 00:22:53,220 to save it and just do so. Okay, we'll take some time off and put 346 00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:57,660 yourself in a separate room and just go off to school often 347 00:22:57,660 --> 00:23:00,000 whenever you pulled off, then you can come off 348 00:23:00,570 --> 00:23:04,890 to another person and say, Hey, so I'm good now. Are you good 349 00:23:04,890 --> 00:23:09,000 now, you still are used to going to court, you're still going to 350 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,790 Okay, I'm going to give you some more time.

So just come tell me 351 00:23:11,790 --> 00:23:15,930 and we'll talk. And another person goes through this thing 352 00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:19,590 and comes to you, Okay, I'm ready to talk. Then you sit down 353 00:23:19,620 --> 00:23:23,430 and you talk. And you talk it out all those things and you try 354 00:23:23,430 --> 00:23:26,430 to try to resolve it. And then again, if during this 355 00:23:26,430 --> 00:23:30,300 conversation, all these emotions come up again, then take more 356 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:33,450 time, and then come back to the conversation, you have to talk 357 00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:35,880 it talk it out, you have to resolve it, you have to both 358 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,750 work on this. But it takes two parties, two people to work on 359 00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:43,590 this thing.

Okay. So this is how you deal with emotional 360 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:44,460 situations. 361 00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:50,160 And this covers pretty much the major problems 362 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,610 that we faced in our relationship. And these are the 363 00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:57,390 way that we've learned to overcome them. And it works 364 00:23:57,390 --> 00:24:00,000 flawlessly and since then, we've been given 365 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:07,260 This simple things to people, and what's the magic. So you 366 00:24:07,260 --> 00:24:09,540 just need to learn about yourself, you need to understand 367 00:24:09,540 --> 00:24:13,320 yourself, you need to observe all this things, how they happen 368 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:17,910 and how to learn them and the most important part, gee, to 369 00:24:17,910 --> 00:24:21,570 work on them together.

But whoever is in your relationship, 370 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,720 you need to work on the relationship together. If it's 371 00:24:24,810 --> 00:24:28,890 if it's not together, then it's not a relationship. Okay? It's 372 00:24:28,890 --> 00:24:31,290 just you throwing away the money. 373 00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:36,090 It's a better investment. So that's pretty much it.

That's 374 00:24:36,090 --> 00:24:39,090 pretty much everything I wanted to talk in this course about. 375 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,860 And next video, we'll make some conclusions. 376 00:24:45,330 --> 00:24:49,650 I'll give you some, give you some perspectives, from our own 377 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:53,010 experiences and maybe some couple of biases in your own 378 00:24:53,010 --> 00:24:55,740 journey of how to build great relationships. 379 00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,970 We build ours and we're totally happy. 380 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,090 absolutely happy with what we have right now. We've never been 381 00:25:03,090 --> 00:25:06,810 happier in our relationship.

It was never stronger than this 382 00:25:06,810 --> 00:25:11,610 right now. And it's been transformed so many times we've 383 00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:16,590 lost count how many different levels we've discovered in our 384 00:25:16,590 --> 00:25:20,160 relationship. And what's deeper, we can connect, like almost one 385 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:24,750 entity now. It's, that's how close we are. I mean, no 386 00:25:24,750 --> 00:25:26,190 relative no blood can, 387 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:32,310 can supersede this bond that we have. It's, it's unimaginable 388 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,050 for many people to have such a thing, but it requires work.

It 389 00:25:37,050 --> 00:25:41,220 requires consistency requires time, because you cannot build 390 00:25:41,220 --> 00:25:46,980 something that just just like that, okay. So, work, 391 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:50,400 commitment, dedication, and first of all, you need to know 392 00:25:50,430 --> 00:25:54,930 you can tell the staff Why do you want this to grow? Why you 393 00:25:54,930 --> 00:25:59,130 want to build this? Okay. So 394 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,400 Let's continue