1 00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:12,269 Unknown: Let's start talking about 2 00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:15,779 how to build relationships. 3 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:18,630 This is going to be our last 4 00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:23,640 topic before we go to, to the pillars of relationships. 5 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,070 Let's just try to understand 6 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,430 how to strengthen the relationship. 7 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:36,990 I'm going to give you a really good analogy here. You need 8 00:00:36,990 --> 00:00:38,580 to understand first of all that 9 00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:41,190 relationship 10 00:00:41,550 --> 00:00:46,050 is like any enterprise. Let's say it's like, almost like any 11 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:49,650 business is in business.

Of course what is the business is 12 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,920 the same relationship is just on a grander scale. You always 13 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,160 building a certain kind of relationship with your coworkers 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:56,970 and customers and 15 00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:58,230 stuff. So 16 00:00:58,530 --> 00:01:00,660 same thing, second business But it 17 00:01:00,659 --> 00:01:04,769 is good analogies we can understand how you build a one 18 00:01:04,769 --> 00:01:12,209 on one relationship also. So imagine relationship is your 19 00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:14,309 enterprise, a business you're building? 20 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,480 How do you start a business, 21 00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:20,520 you need to invest certain amount of 22 00:01:20,550 --> 00:01:23,580 time, certain amount of money, certain amount of resources 23 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:24,360 on your part, 24 00:01:24,809 --> 00:01:26,609 into this business for it to grow. 25 00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:32,190 Same thing with relationships.

In order for it to grow, you 26 00:01:32,190 --> 00:01:36,720 need to invest in it. You cannot possibly expect a business to 27 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,080 thrive. If you just have this idea about this and you don't do 28 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:43,770 anything. You're investing your time into it. You don't know 29 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,250 money or resources you just like totally ignored. How do you 30 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:52,200 think your business can work?

Simple right, it will not work. 31 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,860 Same thing with relationships. It will not work 32 00:01:55,890 --> 00:01:57,810 whatsoever if you do not 33 00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:03,180 relate to another person. In a way, okay, it's just another 34 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:06,390 person. Let's say it's a coworker, you started a new job. 35 00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:09,270 He's sitting in the next cubicle, and you just come to 36 00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:13,710 work, and you're just there.

And he's there. And then next thing 37 00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:16,560 The next day, the next day and next day, next day, the year 38 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:20,280 passes. It's the same thing. It used to have no relationship 39 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,060 with the person. Why? Well, because because you didn't get 40 00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:24,600 out 41 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:29,280 and say, Hey, Fred, how are you today?

And friends, like, Oh, 42 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,870 I'm okay, Peter. I'm great. And that's it. That's all you got to 43 00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:37,170 do to start relationship. Now we already have a relationship. So 44 00:02:37,170 --> 00:02:40,710 imagine what kind of difference it has between the first version 45 00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:44,400 of this relationship, or first day you come in, you say, hey, 46 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:44,970 Frank, 47 00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:47,490 what's up?

I'm Peter. 48 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:51,780 That's it. That's all you're gonna do. From that point on the 49 00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:55,470 next day is like, hey, Frank, how are you? I'm wanting a lot. 50 00:02:55,470 --> 00:02:58,950 I want to use great theater.

How are you? Online is great too 51 00:02:59,220 --> 00:02:59,970 simple, right? 52 00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:03,779 simple thing like that is already building a relationship. 53 00:03:03,779 --> 00:03:04,619 Just imagine 54 00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:06,660 what kind of relationship is going to be in one year. 55 00:03:07,109 --> 00:03:11,279 Just because you've given this person like two seconds of your 56 00:03:11,279 --> 00:03:12,479 time in the morning. 57 00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:14,250 Imagine 58 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,310 two seconds that's only gonna do Imagine if you put 59 00:03:17,610 --> 00:03:18,690 hours in there.

60 00:03:19,259 --> 00:03:21,989 What if you put out if you take him to lunch, if you 61 00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:26,220 take them after, after work if you're if you guys go to get 62 00:03:26,220 --> 00:03:29,790 some beers together, just imagine the possibilities of 63 00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,910 this relationship. You can be friends in one year you can best 64 00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:36,060 friends in one year. But if you share so many cool interests, 65 00:03:36,060 --> 00:03:39,570 you you go spend some time travel together 66 00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:40,770 as a family, you know, 67 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:45,120 his family, your family. Great example. Do you understand what 68 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:50,670 I'm saying? Here?

It's it's really valuable to invest your 69 00:03:50,670 --> 00:03:55,530 time your attention in the relationship. Without this Do 70 00:03:55,560 --> 00:04:00,510 not be in relationship. So it's really important to have And how 71 00:04:00,510 --> 00:04:02,490 much you willing to invest 72 00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:05,370 in a certain kind of relationship. So, 73 00:04:05,699 --> 00:04:07,889 out of those relationships that you wrote in the 74 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:10,320 assignment that I gave you earlier, 75 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:12,779 all those people 76 00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:14,279 that are listed in 77 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,830 that, in that list of yours, 78 00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:19,919 think about how much 79 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,930 time imagine time is your currency in the business, how 80 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:29,700 much time and effort would you be willing to invest in every 81 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:35,820 single relationship? How much have you been investing so far?

82 00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:43,020 Did you start understanding how it works? Do you see the 83 00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,210 proportional reaction 84 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,490 How good is the relationship and how much 85 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,600 time you're investing into? It's really simple. I also want to 86 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:57,240 mention this concept of health exchange. every relationship 87 00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,400 needs to be healthy. 88 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,850 To be healthy, I mean, of course, the same 89 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:05,340 thing he was talking about when I was talking about the balance 90 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:05,970 and harmony.

91 00:05:06,210 --> 00:05:07,590 It's a healthy relationship. 92 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:10,860 Why? Because everybody's doing some kind of rolling. 93 00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,950 And when everybody's playing a role in the relationship 94 00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:14,730 properly, 95 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,450 both sides of the relationship, get 96 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:22,530 something out of this relationship, be spending time 97 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,730 together, having fun, 98 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,620 or maybe it's a 99 00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:30,270 marriage relationship. We love each other. We've spent time 100 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,410 together and raising kids together or something, or be a 101 00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:38,910 parent and in a good relationship type.

There's 102 00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:43,650 always this exchange mother giving you love you, you're 103 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:47,730 being a good son. And then your wife is loving you and you are 104 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:51,390 appreciating it. And you're buying your wife a gift, for 105 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:56,550 example, and she's all happy and giving you this feedback that oh 106 00:05:56,550 --> 00:06:01,350 my god, like, thank you so much, and she's happy You feel that 107 00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:05,040 you get this happiness out. So there's, there's always this 108 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,380 something that you're getting out of this relationship. 109 00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:11,850 There's something that you want from other person, it's really 110 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:14,640 selfish in the way you're gonna understand that relationship is 111 00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:19,050 kind of selfish. Even on the grander scale, even if we think 112 00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:24,270 we're getting, we're actually getting because we're in the 113 00:06:24,270 --> 00:06:28,530 love relationship, like you just give, but you actually just 114 00:06:28,530 --> 00:06:32,760 wants to see that reaction.

One person is happy when you are 115 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,360 getting to that. And this is exactly your feedback that you 116 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,130 are gay. So you have to 117 00:06:38,130 --> 00:06:40,560 be really, really 118 00:06:40,829 --> 00:06:44,999 precise, and what are you getting out of a certain kind of 119 00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:52,079 relationship? And based on this, if you start thinking further, 120 00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:56,399 all those relationships that you listed, there might be some 121 00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:59,999 relationships for example that you feel like you always just 122 00:06:59,999 --> 00:07:04,199 Give, give, give, give, give, and you'll never get anything. 123 00:07:05,220 --> 00:07:07,980 And you need to start thinking about those relationships. 124 00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:08,730 Because 125 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:13,650 I'll tell you this.

Imagine this is your time again, time is your 126 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:18,480 money. And this is the business that's working. you've invested 127 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:21,540 into it, and you keep investing your money into you keep 128 00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:24,240 investing, keep investing, keep investing, this business doesn't 129 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,070 burn any more money, we just still 130 00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,180 keep investing it. 131 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:29,790 Why, right, 132 00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:32,610 obviously, so 133 00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:36,450 why would you keep that relationship? going? Why would 134 00:07:36,450 --> 00:07:41,610 you keep investing and you need to rethink some things.

You need 135 00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:44,790 to rethink how much exactly are you willing to invest in this 136 00:07:44,790 --> 00:07:48,120 relationship? Maybe it's time to revise this particular 137 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,390 relationship because you're not feeling good health exchange in 138 00:07:51,390 --> 00:07:53,790 it. And maybe you need to talk to this person 139 00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:54,150 and say, 140 00:07:54,150 --> 00:07:58,650 Hey, no, I don't feel like our relationship is going anywhere. 141 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,910 This is just my concern to express your feelings express 142 00:08:02,910 --> 00:08:03,030 your 143 00:08:03,030 --> 00:08:08,160 concerns about this relationship. And if there is no 144 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,190 way of even contacting the person, let's say they ignore 145 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:14,970 you or something, and you always just call them via text or 146 00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:20,220 something. Just stop investing your money into this bad 147 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,440 business.

It's that simple. 148 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,110 Just stop, stop and see what happens. 149 00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:31,170 see their reaction? Maybe they will want to talk to you and 150 00:08:31,170 --> 00:08:34,470 then figure out what's going on. How can you stop talking? In 151 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:40,140 many cases, advocates and might be they will not even notice.

152 00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:45,510 And you you just got to lose this relationship like, like a 153 00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:48,150 bad business and you have so much more money to invest in 154 00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:52,560 something else. Right? Isn't it great to have a bunch of money. 155 00:08:52,590 --> 00:08:55,800 Just think about all this time that you've invested in into the 156 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,940 wrong business. If you've been investing in the right business, 157 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,330 No, there's always a lot of people who are close to who 158 00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:04,920 deserve your love and attention. 159 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,060 Yes.

160 00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:12,420 So three bicycles things you 161 00:09:12,420 --> 00:09:16,170 need to clearly understand, what are you receiving from this 162 00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:18,840 relationship? Do you need this relationship? 163 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:27,810 Also, one more thing I want to mention is whenever you have a 164 00:09:27,810 --> 00:09:32,310 relationship with somebody, like I said before, there's two roles 165 00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:33,540 and it's kind of imbalanced. 166 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,350 So 167 00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:37,500 thinking about this 168 00:09:40,410 --> 00:09:41,940 healthy exchange thing, 169 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,720 you have to you have to actually feel it, you have to actually 170 00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:50,070 feel from another person. And that also means that another 171 00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:54,750 person also needs to work on this relationship. It means he 172 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:57,780 needs to also invest in this business that you're both 173 00:09:57,780 --> 00:09:58,380 running 174 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,000 his business or relationship with.

175 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:05,280 So, if the other person is not investing, you clearly see over 176 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:09,960 time that he's not investing anything in this. That cannot be 177 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:17,580 a business together, obviously. Right? So it's it's work on both 178 00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:22,230 sides. It's always worked on both sides. So whenever you 179 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:25,710 think that you need to have a great relationship let's say 180 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:28,890 with your mom even and you always right and are you always 181 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,700 call her or something and she's always wrote on the phone she 182 00:10:32,730 --> 00:10:35,790 should never like, like to hear you and then you always get 183 00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:36,630 upset about 184 00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:37,800 stop doing it.

185 00:10:38,550 --> 00:10:41,040 Just stop doing it. Stop investing your time. I'm careful 186 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:41,580 it is. 187 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:43,110 There's my honest opinion. 188 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,180 I don't care who it is. And I've seen miracles happen when I just 189 00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:52,200 give a simple advice to people who have been having problems 190 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,710 with their relatives for years.

Just stop, just stop talking to 191 00:10:55,710 --> 00:10:59,220 him. That's okay. It's totally okay. You don't owe anybody 192 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:03,930 anything. Just try it. That's it and don't don't worry about the 193 00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:08,430 consequences.

Let it happen, let it let it all happen. Maybe they 194 00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:12,390 will change their attitude maybe or they'll talk to you maybe 195 00:11:12,450 --> 00:11:15,690 something completely new is gonna come out and you know 196 00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:21,120 until you try. So don't be afraid to unplug them from your 197 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:27,060 energy. Okay? Just cut them off. It's okay and see what happens.

198 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:30,600 That's totally fine. You can always repair a relationship you 199 00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,790 can always get into a new level, you can always 200 00:11:32,790 --> 00:11:33,900 start a new, 201 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:39,720 but it's better than just throwing your money away on 202 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:40,110 somebody 203 00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,010 who doesn't deserve it. 204 00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:46,590 It's important, it's work on both sides and has to be a team 205 00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:51,510 effort. Really important to understand. So 206 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,059 think about how you want to invest 207 00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:54,480 your money. 208 00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:58,890 Okay, one more thing I want to mention before we go to the 209 00:11:58,890 --> 00:11:59,970 pillars of labor 210 00:12:02,070 --> 00:12:03,960 I want you to understand this 211 00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:11,820 one interesting concept.

We're here in this world, not by 212 00:12:11,850 --> 00:12:17,790 ourselves a little bit outside. Look how intricate This world 213 00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:22,080 is, as far as relationships are, you are always related to 214 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,250 somebody in some way you are, as soon as you're born, you are 215 00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:31,170 taken care of, by some other being some other human being 216 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:35,100 most likely, unless you're living in a jungle, of course 217 00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:40,380 and lost and adopted by the wolves of Marvel. But you, you 218 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:43,740 are in some kind of relationship, even in that case. 219 00:12:45,090 --> 00:12:47,610 You're always in some kind of relationship with outside 220 00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:48,060 people. 221 00:12:48,090 --> 00:12:52,350 You are involved in the society, you're always influenced by 222 00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:56,430 other people. You're always concerned about other people's 223 00:12:56,430 --> 00:13:00,810 opinions.

You're always concerned with them. perception 224 00:13:00,810 --> 00:13:05,280 of you. How do they see you how they relate to you? What are 225 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,660 they thinking about you? 226 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,900 All those important questions for us when we grow up? 227 00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:15,750 And why are they like that?

Why is this system wise life dude 228 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:16,560 like this? 229 00:13:17,789 --> 00:13:20,759 I want you to understand how to look at relationships 230 00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:22,860 as a tool, 231 00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,250 because this is how I see them. 232 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:32,159 And this is what our experience show that this whole 233 00:13:32,159 --> 00:13:35,459 relationship with meaning, for example, it's 234 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:38,130 it's a journey, 235 00:13:38,220 --> 00:13:38,820 it's a 236 00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:45,960 teen growth, it's, it's, it's an effort on both sides of this 237 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:51,690 relationship. And it's the tool. It's the perfect tool that we 238 00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:57,660 use to grow in our personal development. Because this was 239 00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:01,980 the catalyst is our relationship and our Love was the main 240 00:14:01,980 --> 00:14:06,900 catalyst in our relationship.

We always strive to improve 241 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:11,040 something in our relationship, because we want to keep it we 242 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,560 want to grow, we want to transform. 243 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:17,040 So what I want you to understand is every single relationship 244 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:21,990 that you have in your life, in some way, it's here to teach you 245 00:14:21,990 --> 00:14:26,760 something is here to show you something about yourself. You're 246 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:31,050 here to learn from another person. And how you do that by 247 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:34,650 understanding your differences by understanding what you don't 248 00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:39,390 like maybe in them, maybe what you like in them, and trying to 249 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:45,690 adjust yourself trying to transform yourself and grow into 250 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:46,920 something else 251 00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:48,600 with the help of this relationship.

252 00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:51,480 So and we'll talk more about that 253 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,120 when we talk about the pillars 254 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,070 so let's go