1 00:00:10,349 --> 00:00:13,649 Unknown: Next one is that big one is a huge, of course 2 00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:15,779 everybody knows this. 3 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:22,290 Okay, so obvious I don't really need to talk about it right? But 4 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,830 I'm going to talk to you in a little bit different level. 5 00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:31,800 I want to take a really deep approach to this communication 6 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,840 thing, and how it affects relationships in particular, why 7 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:41,400 communication is so important for us. Because communication 8 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:46,200 First of all, it's a it's a way of relating to another person. 9 00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:51,270 Okay?

First of all, of course, we relate by how we look. By 10 00:00:51,270 --> 00:00:55,440 body language by attitude, it's an external things, but then 11 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,310 when we already feel like okay, we can get a contract and we'll 12 00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:03,270 make personal Then what happens is we start talking, hello, 13 00:01:03,270 --> 00:01:06,660 hello. And then you can start judging how people are talking 14 00:01:06,660 --> 00:01:10,740 to you. And they're polite. Are they open? Are they like really 15 00:01:10,740 --> 00:01:16,590 reserved or not?

Are they rude, even intense? So communication 16 00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:20,070 opens up this whole new frontier of exploration of another 17 00:01:20,070 --> 00:01:24,930 person's inner world, okay for you is incredible. This is where 18 00:01:24,930 --> 00:01:29,070 the magic starts happening. Suddenly, your inner world is 19 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:32,910 opened up to another person, and they're opening up and you are 20 00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:37,770 free to explore their insides and just understand who they 21 00:01:37,770 --> 00:01:41,160 are, what makes them tick, and how they What do they like, what 22 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,830 they don't like, how they process their thoughts, how they 23 00:01:43,830 --> 00:01:47,640 process their feelings, whatever their reactions are, how's the 24 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,820 childhood for them? You know, how do they like their job or 25 00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:54,810 not? What don't they like?

What do they like? So this whole 26 00:01:55,770 --> 00:01:58,590 communication thing is just takes this relationship on a 27 00:01:58,980 --> 00:02:03,330 completely different Level Why? Because remember, relationships 28 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,650 from the world relate? Okay, so the more things you find out 29 00:02:07,650 --> 00:02:11,310 about somebody, the more things you can relate to. So 30 00:02:11,310 --> 00:02:15,990 communication is the number one tool into building a 31 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:19,290 relationship in the way that actually taking it to a 32 00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:24,630 different level. I'm talking about finding the ways to 33 00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:28,260 connect to another person.

And the more points you connect, the 34 00:02:28,260 --> 00:02:33,870 more of course you open up to person, even even more, you 35 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:38,340 actually start opening up your inner gates and letting them 36 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:44,010 deeper into your being shared much more intimate things with 37 00:02:44,010 --> 00:02:47,760 them. And of course, those things, they have even more 38 00:02:47,820 --> 00:02:54,030 connection power person. You see there's of course, numerous 39 00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:57,300 layers, numerous layers of connections between people 40 00:02:58,620 --> 00:02:59,250 on layers that 41 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:02,220 are really superficial So, like, Hi, hi, Dave, 42 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:06,750 you know, hi, Peter, we work together. So great every time 43 00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:10,770 this is really superficial, this is something not not important. 44 00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:14,850 You don't build strong bonds with another person just by 45 00:03:14,850 --> 00:03:18,990 saying hi to them every day, but it's to a relationship, you see.

46 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,170 But in order to do a deeper, more meaningful relation 47 00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:26,550 relationship, then you need to talk, you need to connect, 48 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,050 basically, on much deeper level on something that's really 49 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:35,610 important on the core beliefs. For example, you know, the 50 00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:39,720 religion, beliefs, religious beliefs are, what your heart 51 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:43,860 desires, your dreams, your deepest desires. Those are the 52 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:49,080 things that are really, really sentimental to you, and then 53 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:53,370 really important to you, inside of you. So it's not the person 54 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,440 shares those beliefs, those desires and dreams. This is the 55 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,610 most This is the closest relationship that you can have 56 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:07,350 this is where friendship actually starts growing because 57 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:11,040 those deeper levels that normally open up a little bit 58 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:16,290 later in friendship, one person opens up even more.

So another 59 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:20,190 person can learn those things and relate to those things more, 60 00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:23,250 or choose to do this relationship with Him by 61 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:27,360 adopting certain beliefs of that person, for example, by learning 62 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:31,290 about this religion of his, for example, adopting themselves 63 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:36,120 just to build a relationship with this person. So, it's a 64 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:40,710 great game, communication communicating. So let's talk 65 00:04:40,710 --> 00:04:45,030 about some key aspects of communication and how to improve 66 00:04:45,090 --> 00:04:51,900 this huge part of relationships. First one is listening. Okay, 67 00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:56,340 when you talk to somebody, first thing you need to do you need to 68 00:04:56,340 --> 00:05:01,140 learn to listen. Okay?

This is like the major part We all know 69 00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,600 how to talk, we just open your mouth and you start talking. 70 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:08,100 This is what I'm doing right now. But whenever the person, 71 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,550 okay, and of course, it will be yours to, 72 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:14,580 to grow in itself. 73 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,840 This is a part of my job as ecologist also. 74 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:23,280 So glad to learn to listen to people, because the first 75 00:05:23,430 --> 00:05:25,050 instinct of course, first of 76 00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:28,110 all, this is not right, or this is something, 77 00:05:28,349 --> 00:05:29,639 you always want to make 78 00:05:30,540 --> 00:05:32,790 the conversation you want to interrupt them the person or you 79 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:37,410 want to start expressing what you want to say. So, the very 80 00:05:37,410 --> 00:05:43,380 important thing is to give them 100% of your attention when a 81 00:05:43,380 --> 00:05:46,050 person is speaking, just just give them the attention.

That's 82 00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:49,530 all they want. is all about the attention. Okay, whenever they 83 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:52,590 feel like you're listening to them, but you're like, yeah, 84 00:05:53,130 --> 00:05:56,130 yeah. Yeah, whatever you say. Yeah. 85 00:05:57,570 --> 00:06:00,780 Reading the phone yet.

Yeah. They keep talking. How would you 86 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:01,740 feel on them? 87 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:05,280 They totally feel this lack of attention on your side. So 88 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:09,300 whatever they say right now, it's not important. This is what 89 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:13,260 you're basically saying.

So the industry, especially one person 90 00:06:13,260 --> 00:06:18,930 tries to open, open up to you in a deeper level. This is real 91 00:06:18,990 --> 00:06:24,270 ending. And there are many cases that people just will not do it 92 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:28,560 anymore. Like every one time they try to do it. If you hurt 93 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,130 him in this way, you don't bring enough attention, and you just 94 00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,950 close the door. That's it.

There's no more communication 95 00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:37,260 with that person on a deeper level, because they don't want 96 00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:41,100 to open up anymore, or it might take a long time for you to do 97 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:44,880 that. So do not make that mistake. Do not make the mistake 98 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:49,170 of not paying attention not listening. Always listen, always 99 00:06:49,230 --> 00:06:52,710 ask and you can just ask your question. So Are you finished? 100 00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:58,860 Okay, so do you want my opinion and then just 101 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,900 start expressing your opinion only after a person has already 102 00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:06,810 finished expressing their concerns, their whatever they 103 00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:10,350 wanted to say whatever they say.

And it's also good to 104 00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:18,749 try to muscle but you can also try to, at certain points of 105 00:07:18,779 --> 00:07:22,739 conversation just kind of repeat back to the person which was 106 00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:23,819 really understood. 107 00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:29,100 For example, they tell me about how their work was, was bad 108 00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:33,810 today, and then this is what they're feeling right now. So my 109 00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:35,100 boss kind of been 110 00:07:36,420 --> 00:07:40,200 rude to me and I feel like really upset. I feel like I need 111 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:44,820 to do something. And in this moment, you can impact us. So it 112 00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:48,480 sucks that you feel upset, like I'm really feeling for you.

And 113 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,350 yes, I also think that we shouldn't be feeling this way we 114 00:07:52,350 --> 00:07:56,490 shouldn't be doing. So just kind of reaffirm that you're hearing 115 00:07:56,490 --> 00:07:59,610 them in the process of this conversation. That's a huge 116 00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:03,840 thing. So they can register that you are following them. You you 117 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,410 are paying attention, okay? Not just like nod your head or stare 118 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:11,610 at them.

It's good that you can give them attention but giving 119 00:08:11,610 --> 00:08:18,240 something back. It's also helpful to okay. So ask 120 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:22,710 questions. Communication Second. Second thing is asking 121 00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:25,590 questions. First one is listening.

And other one is 122 00:08:25,650 --> 00:08:29,010 asking questions. Always ask questions, what's going on? How 123 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:33,210 you feel? What's going on in our relationship? Or why Why are you 124 00:08:33,210 --> 00:08:38,190 doing this this way? And not not like, why would you do such a 125 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:44,430 thing?

Like you would with Blaine, or something? You know, 126 00:08:44,430 --> 00:08:47,010 how many people do this is crazy? Like, why would you do 127 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:50,100 something like this? I'm not talking about those kinds of 128 00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,800 questions. I'm talking about questions like really genuine 129 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:56,460 interest, genuine interest. Ask them Why Why are you doing 130 00:08:56,460 --> 00:09:01,920 things like the way you're doing things?

So Why did you decide to 131 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,250 act like this? So why did you choose to behave with this? 132 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:10,290 What's going on in your life? So why feeling like this? I'm 133 00:09:10,290 --> 00:09:14,790 trying to understand. So genuinely try to express some 134 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:19,530 interest in another person.

Whenever you do that, you invest 135 00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:24,450 in your attention directly into them. And the deeper you go, the 136 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:28,050 deeper you open up a person. Like I told you before, the 137 00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:31,950 deeper you go, the deeper the opening, the bigger the 138 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:35,400 possibility for you to get this relationship on a completely 139 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:36,390 different level 140 00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:39,149 on low on love and prosperity, joy, 141 00:09:39,599 --> 00:09:43,169 okay, but for that there's a lot of work and people think that 142 00:09:43,199 --> 00:09:46,889 oh, we know we met each other. We fell in love and got married 143 00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:48,299 and everything's great. No, 144 00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:53,610 it's not gonna happen. never happens.

Ever. Just always work 145 00:09:53,610 --> 00:09:57,960 in both only successful relationships are those that has 146 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,530 been worked on. Okay, when people People are working on 147 00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:04,830 themselves and on their relationship for the sake of 148 00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:08,490 having this. Otherwise, there's no point, okay? 149 00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:12,810 There has to be less of this personal ego in the 150 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,130 relationship, okay? 151 00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:19,260 You have to kind of let go of many ideas and things in order 152 00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:23,940 to be in a relationship.

And one of the biggest things is this 153 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,840 ability to properly communicate. So start open up another person, 154 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:34,350 start. start opening the deeper parts of them and always say the 155 00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:39,240 truth. Say whatever it is, don't be afraid to hurt and be gentle. 156 00:10:39,330 --> 00:10:46,710 But express your truth, Express. express your ideas genuinely 157 00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:49,860 open from the very beginning because if you start doing it 158 00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:53,430 in, in the middle of a relationship, they will not have 159 00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:55,980 any point of reference, like how you're lying right now or you've 160 00:10:55,980 --> 00:10:59,970 been lying all the time, either ways.

So don't lie. Don't lie. 161 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,650 relationships, this is not going to work for you, if you want the 162 00:11:04,650 --> 00:11:10,440 relationship long term. Just choose from day one, just start 163 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:14,850 expressing yourself the way you are, don't be afraid to move the 164 00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:19,110 person because you will lose them if you lie sooner or later. 165 00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:24,660 And the only way you will not lose them is by being open. And 166 00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:29,370 I'm the life example to that before my relationship with 167 00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:35,190 quite a few relationships where I was trying to be somebody else 168 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:38,970 or trying to be this or that property things and act in a 169 00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:43,290 different ways.

And of course, all those lies later on in the 170 00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:48,000 relationship they show up and basically with the fool in your 171 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:53,820 fraud and the person thought you're one person and then you 172 00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:56,280 end up being completely different person and for them 173 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,590 it's not it's not a good thing they 174 00:11:59,160 --> 00:11:59,970 don't want to deal with 175 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:04,590 They had a completely different idea of the relationship. So 176 00:12:04,620 --> 00:12:08,850 I've learned my lessons over the years. And I've decided that in 177 00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:11,820 the next relationship, I'm getting completely honest. I'm 178 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:16,350 just going to be open from day one. And this is exactly one of 179 00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:19,500 the main reasons why my relationship with different 180 00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:24,420 arena was so successful.

We never had any huge fights 181 00:12:24,929 --> 00:12:27,539 during the course of your relationship. Why? Because 182 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,039 we're, and we, 183 00:12:30,090 --> 00:12:32,550 every time we have some kind of issue, we'll sit down and we 184 00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:33,240 communicate. 185 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:37,950 I just express my thoughts on this thing. she expresses her 186 00:12:37,950 --> 00:12:39,390 feelings, and 187 00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:43,560 we discuss it. And you have to 188 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:46,589 understand that you need to learn how to express your 189 00:12:46,589 --> 00:12:50,519 feelings also is a really important part.

Instead of 190 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:51,059 blaming 191 00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:53,219 somebody, like you've done this, 192 00:12:53,820 --> 00:12:55,020 it's all because of you. I 193 00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:59,310 feel like you made me upset. You did this and you did that and 194 00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:03,149 that's how it is. You will now know, this is not the proper way 195 00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:07,229 of communication. proper way of communication is you come to 196 00:13:07,229 --> 00:13:10,379 know, to the part to a partner in this relationship, it doesn't 197 00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:11,879 matter what kind of relationship it is 198 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:14,280 coworker 199 00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:19,440 it's a matter of just sitting down and expressing your own 200 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,860 feelings in the way that, you know, I feel this way about 201 00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:27,030 this, about this relationship. I feel that you're not 202 00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:31,980 understanding.

I feel that when when you do this, in this and 203 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:37,560 this, I get hurt, you know, and I don't know what to do. So I'm 204 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:41,010 just letting you know, this is how I feel. And maybe we can do 205 00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:43,710 something about it. Maybe you can help me Don't be afraid of 206 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,120 asking for help here. 207 00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:47,310 So 208 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:53,430 this is really important. Also, okay, you see, small things like 209 00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:58,110 they're small things that they make all the difference.

So this 210 00:13:58,110 --> 00:14:01,950 is communication and Going to hear another assignment of 211 00:14:01,950 --> 00:14:05,190 course about communication that you can play around with. 212 00:14:06,150 --> 00:14:07,710 Yeah, really important topic.