8.6 Key 6: Compromises vs Sacrifices

7 Keys to Great Relationships Section 3: The 7 Keys
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Transcript

1 00:00:10,559 --> 00:00:11,639 Unknown: Okay, so 2 00:00:11,909 --> 00:00:17,129 our next topic, I would call compromises versus 3 00:00:17,130 --> 00:00:18,450 sacrifices 4 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:26,850 and cooperation versus competition in relationships. Of 5 00:00:26,850 --> 00:00:27,870 course, this topic is not 6 00:00:27,870 --> 00:00:29,760 that huge as the topics I've 7 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:35,460 talked before, but still, it has a huge effect. As it turns out 8 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,480 on relationships, and whatever position you choose in your 9 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:45,090 relationship, do choose position of competition or cooperation, 10 00:00:45,270 --> 00:00:48,480 you will to take your relationship to the next level, 11 00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:52,320 which is a good thing. But you have to realize 12 00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:55,290 what what competition will give you in the long term 13 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,060 and what 14 00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:59,610 cooperation can give you in the long term.

15 00:01:00,029 --> 00:01:00,449 Okay. 16 00:01:01,230 --> 00:01:09,330 You see, competition can only be used in a really short distance 17 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:15,690 kind of short life a short span challenges, let's say something 18 00:01:15,690 --> 00:01:20,550 that would push you really rapidly really fast somewhere 19 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:25,620 out of this region. That's that's create. But if you want a 20 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,630 long term lasting relationship 21 00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,850 with somebody, it has to 22 00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:31,709 build on cooperation. 23 00:01:32,549 --> 00:01:33,929 Let's try to understand why. 24 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:41,820 And in the sense of is this cooperation versus competition.

25 00:01:42,030 --> 00:01:45,360 Let's talk about compromises versus sacrifices. 26 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:48,480 What does mean, 27 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,360 compromise or sacrifice? 28 00:01:52,709 --> 00:01:57,059 sacrifices when when a person basically just 29 00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:00,570 releases his Right 30 00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:03,689 through certain things or certain opinion, for example, to 31 00:02:03,689 --> 00:02:07,649 certain way of doing things in relationship for the sake of 32 00:02:07,679 --> 00:02:11,999 being in the relationship, okay? So this is this facet that we 33 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:16,649 make. To improve the relationship, we need to give 34 00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,299 the part of ourselves 35 00:02:18,570 --> 00:02:21,720 a way to kind of restrict the art sometimes. 36 00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:27,900 And in many, in many ways, it is not correct.

It's not correct 37 00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:31,590 way of building a relationship because by chopping off bits and 38 00:02:31,590 --> 00:02:33,930 pieces for yourself, sometimes 39 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,350 you basically lose yourself 40 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:39,600 in this relationship, you become 41 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:45,330 more invested in another person than yourself. And it's not 42 00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:49,080 productive relationship because relationships always based on to 43 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:53,400 complete people, not just like bits and pieces of both of them. 44 00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:57,570 Okay? It's the union of two complete people. So you have to 45 00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,480 be really complete, your help can be really costly. You have 46 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,350 to be yourself in the relationship.

So sacrificing 47 00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:08,580 many parts of yourself for the sake of relationship is not 48 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:12,570 productive in the long run. Okay, so what is the alternative 49 00:03:12,570 --> 00:03:16,140 to sacrificing? alternative? Of course, our compromise. 50 00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:22,230 compromise is another form of sacrifice, but compromise is 51 00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:27,930 actually more beneficial for both parties. Okay.

Let's talk 52 00:03:27,930 --> 00:03:28,590 about that. 53 00:03:30,780 --> 00:03:33,090 How is it beneficial for both parties? 54 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:37,320 For example, you have an issue in your relationship, and 55 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:41,610 that's something that you want to fix. Okay? One person doesn't 56 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:44,730 like how it's going, another person often doesn't know how to 57 00:03:44,730 --> 00:03:49,650 go. But my point of view is this and your point of view is 58 00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:55,710 completely opposite.

So how do we proceed without one of us 59 00:03:55,740 --> 00:03:56,940 sacrificing 60 00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,550 his point of view completely? 61 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:04,590 Okay, so we find something like compromise, and the compromise 62 00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:08,550 is something that you're willing to give out of your particular 63 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:09,900 opinion. And 64 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,220 I'm willing to cut something 65 00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:17,910 off of mine. So I'm not exactly satisfied fully, but you also 66 00:04:17,910 --> 00:04:23,490 met exactly satisfy fully, but in this way we can make a deal. 67 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:28,080 We can understand that you are making a sacrifice for the sake 68 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:33,300 of our relationship. small one, not a complete sacrifice.

And I 69 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:39,180 am also giving up something, just a little something towards 70 00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:42,270 you. And then you come up with a third alternative. How are we 71 00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:46,470 going to do things now From now on, if not this way, in that 72 00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:51,030 way? How do we come up with something else? That's that 73 00:04:51,210 --> 00:04:59,910 doesn't hurt us so much. Okay.

So that's compromised and basis. 74 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,300 Much better form of 75 00:05:04,859 --> 00:05:06,779 building relationships than 76 00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:11,579 sacrifice. And in the very beginning, this is kind of was 77 00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:14,579 my proposal and my relationships, my relationship 78 00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:19,649 with the Katrina, that we would always find compromises that 79 00:05:19,649 --> 00:05:22,619 will not sacrifice parts of ourselves. We have to be 80 00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:28,109 ourselves and accept each other. Just the way we are basically. 81 00:05:28,139 --> 00:05:32,819 And for that, let's not sacrifice but let's compromise.

82 00:05:33,029 --> 00:05:35,519 And we will always find different compromises for the 83 00:05:35,519 --> 00:05:39,089 first year or two. And it took us a great 84 00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:39,630 way 85 00:05:40,770 --> 00:05:45,300 for it, and it worked great, but it's still you know, you always 86 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:50,070 have this small level of satisfaction because you're not 87 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:53,280 exactly getting what you want from relationships. You still 88 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:56,640 have to kind of sacrifice these pieces of yourself and 89 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:57,630 still kind of 90 00:05:59,790 --> 00:06:02,610 free Your integrity, let's say, okay, 91 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,450 so eventually, of course, we got smarter. 92 00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,460 And we try 93 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:13,980 something completely different than this. And it turns out, 94 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:16,050 it's just basically a next step. 95 00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,760 It's the next logical step after the compromise is finding a 96 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:25,830 better solution.

We started finding something much better. 97 00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:29,040 For example, 98 00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:33,540 She would, she would not want me to do this, and I would not want 99 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:36,450 her to do this. Instead, 100 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:38,340 we try to 101 00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:42,240 create something completely new, 102 00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:47,340 where we both not doing this thing, but we both grow out of 103 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:51,900 this thing. How would we improve ourselves personally? How would 104 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,010 she prove herself, 105 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:55,440 her person personality or something, 106 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,420 or part of herself, 107 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:02,430 and how I improve it in that way? That when we grow to the 108 00:07:02,430 --> 00:07:06,720 next level in this, in this particular things, we would 109 00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:07,800 connect, 110 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,830 how we would resolve this problem 111 00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:15,390 at a different level, we understood in our development 112 00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:20,190 that and we've been in self development for many years.

So 113 00:07:21,030 --> 00:07:25,530 it was kind of built into our relationship also growing 114 00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:29,430 together. So by that time, we already understood that a 115 00:07:29,430 --> 00:07:32,850 problem can never be resolved at the same level that it was 116 00:07:32,850 --> 00:07:37,890 created. So we would have to somehow grow out of this level. 117 00:07:38,190 --> 00:07:41,550 So this is exactly what we've done. 118 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,280 And since last seven 119 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:48,060 years, say, this is exactly what we do. And with any concern that 120 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:53,610 we have between us, we always go to a level higher, and trying to 121 00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:56,850 understand that this problem doesn't really exist in between 122 00:07:56,850 --> 00:08:02,430 us and it's just us being to solve too silly to 123 00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:10,830 irresponsible, anything you name it?

And what if we were just 124 00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:14,850 better adults? who are who we just grow up a little bit out of 125 00:08:14,850 --> 00:08:20,340 this situation? How do we, if we were more wise, how would we 126 00:08:20,340 --> 00:08:24,330 deal with this situation, both of us. And then we found that 127 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,620 all of those situations, absolutely all of them can be 128 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:32,130 resolved in this particular way. Yes, you can be childish and you 129 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:32,880 can just butt 130 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,190 heads, and then you have to compromise. Of 131 00:08:35,190 --> 00:08:40,530 course, this is the best way you can do.

But if you grow higher 132 00:08:40,530 --> 00:08:43,800 than this level, suddenly you can resolve this problem. 133 00:08:44,310 --> 00:08:48,510 Instead of becoming stops being a problem, it becomes something 134 00:08:48,510 --> 00:08:52,110 else it becomes this small game and something that you both 135 00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:57,480 overcome. So in order instead of basically sacrificing small 136 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,710 pieces of yourself that can compromise You actually grow 137 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,680 together and connect on completely different level and 138 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:09,840 you do together. And when you do together, the magic happens. 139 00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:13,920 It's a whole new connection that you do together is something 140 00:09:14,130 --> 00:09:18,540 that you share. Now, this is something that you did together.

141 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:22,860 Okay, this is a bonding experience, huge thing in 142 00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:28,710 relationship. So it might seem like a small topic to you, but 143 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:33,480 if you dive deeper into it and understand that what cooperation 144 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:38,040 does, okay, how do you resolve the issues that arise in your 145 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:43,350 relationship and in both of your lives separately, how you 146 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:48,690 resolve them together, all these things, they make you bond. If 147 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:52,650 they do him appropriately by sacrificing parts of yourself, 148 00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:58,200 then your relationship is kind of going in different directions 149 00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:04,620 and vice versa. If you resolve all the issues together, you 150 00:10:04,620 --> 00:10:10,290 kind of share his experiences and you grow, grow together, you 151 00:10:10,290 --> 00:10:14,670 learn how to adjust together, you adapt together, you grow and 152 00:10:14,670 --> 00:10:20,430 you come become better together.

And I'm not talking about only a 153 00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:23,310 love relationship and that kind of relationship, it's about 154 00:10:24,660 --> 00:10:28,680 growing together with your parents, you are as a kid, you 155 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,190 start growing with parents, you start learning something about 156 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:36,270 yourself. You share that with with your parents, for example. 157 00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:42,420 And use the same way you kind of build this. build this 158 00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:46,260 relationship with your parents. Some problems that they have 159 00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:51,270 come from the to have. You both have all the same time you 160 00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:55,020 resolve, you learn how to get to the next level with them 161 00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:57,990 together.

And this is your bonding experience. This is 162 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:03,600 something that you can kind of keep inside of us is a huge 163 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:08,220 point of connection to them. This is your point of relating 164 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,250 to that person. Okay? And this is these are 165 00:11:11,249 --> 00:11:13,589 the strongest points out there. So 166 00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:19,979 as much as it seems not that important, it is actually really 167 00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:20,339 deep.

168 00:11:20,999 --> 00:11:23,309 All this collaboration goes really deep 169 00:11:23,819 --> 00:11:26,669 and extremely important. 170 00:11:26,939 --> 00:11:30,209 In the end, in the long run if you're trying to build 171 00:11:30,449 --> 00:11:33,029 a huge relationship, a great relationship with somebody 172 00:11:33,149 --> 00:11:36,239 that's not built overnight. Of course, this is something 173 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,450 that's more connected with consistency. 174 00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:44,010 Whatever happens right now in the year in the year, a year and 175 00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:44,790 10 years. 176 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,619 All those things. 177 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,390 They can accumulate, 178 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,620 they accumulate all experiences is something that you can do 179 00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:56,850 together, but it's something you've overcome together.

So 180 00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:02,100 these are the more bonding experience. is in your lives. 181 00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:07,590 So, no matter how your relationship goes from here, 182 00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:12,300 even here if you separate for example, these are the moments 183 00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:15,540 that nobody can take away from you. And these are the moments 184 00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:19,950 that will always connect you. If you separate you can always just 185 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:22,890 meet each other like 10 years later and then just remember 186 00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:26,610 those things and you can relate. You can never destroy this 187 00:12:26,610 --> 00:12:30,630 relationship completely already.

Why? Because there's so much 188 00:12:30,660 --> 00:12:31,830 connection. Okay. 189 00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:33,270 So, 190 00:12:33,990 --> 00:12:40,590 yes, creation early on, and you will never agree. So, that's 191 00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:43,080 pretty much it about this topic. So let's go to the next one.

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