1 00:00:09,929 --> 00:00:10,739 Unknown: Next, 2 00:00:11,849 --> 00:00:13,199 we're going to discuss 3 00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:15,870 is respect. 4 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,060 Respect yourself. 5 00:00:21,030 --> 00:00:26,910 Respect yourself is a whole new level of relationship, respect. 6 00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:33,930 You know, in some cultures, it comes natural. In my travels and 7 00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:37,050 my experience in socializing different kinds of 8 00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:42,780 nationalities, I've noticed that only some people actually know 9 00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:47,250 what, what the respect actually is, and they have in some form 10 00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:52,080 in their life. Many cultures actually do not raise their kids 11 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,880 in a respectful way.

And it's not necessarily a bad thing is 12 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:01,050 just a cultural thing. It's just that certain sacrifices and 13 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,900 certain other things that they will do with this 14 00:01:05,580 --> 00:01:06,180 type of 15 00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:14,520 education to their kids and something. So, why am I talking 16 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:22,470 about reset? Because it is extremely important question as 17 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:26,970 far as relationships concerned. Why? Because let's talk about 18 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:32,430 what respect is first to understand.

And of course, in my 19 00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:38,220 exploration with respect is, first of all, is respecting 20 00:01:38,250 --> 00:01:38,970 somebody's 21 00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:42,570 boundaries. 22 00:01:43,950 --> 00:01:44,970 It's not 23 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:52,470 it's not intrusion into certain things that are important to 24 00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:56,490 another person. Okay, for example, respect their beliefs 25 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,380 when we talk about respecting 26 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:03,600 somebody believes It means you shouldn't be infringing or 27 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:08,460 pushing your own beliefs onto them. So they need to adopt 28 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:13,650 their beliefs or, you know, it's not gonna work. For example, 29 00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:19,080 privacy, you need to learn to respect the private privacy and 30 00:02:19,110 --> 00:02:22,440 what do we mean by respecting the privacy? It means when the 31 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:27,360 person says, I want to be alone for a certain kind of time, or I 32 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,810 want to be left alone, I don't want you to get here or I don't 33 00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:34,020 want you to come in the bathroom when I'm taking a shower.

I 34 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:38,400 mean, this is just their privacy, they feel comfortable 35 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,960 here and they do not want you to break that comfort. They're not 36 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:48,330 you to feel to make them feel uncomfortable. Okay. So when you 37 00:02:48,510 --> 00:02:52,890 are in agreement with their requirements of their comfort, 38 00:02:53,460 --> 00:02:57,720 basically this is called respect. So you respect certain 39 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:04,020 things and mainly The idea of respect is concerned with some 40 00:03:04,020 --> 00:03:09,090 kind of boundaries in some way. And it doesn't matter what topic 41 00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:13,530 we take believes.

Privacy, for example, in your processes. 42 00:03:15,059 --> 00:03:16,799 Physical respect, 43 00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:23,490 ideal ideal is respect, for example, high respect a woman, 44 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:28,770 or how do you respect an older person how to express it. There 45 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:31,170 are many different types of respect. But the point is, 46 00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:34,740 they're all connected in some way in the form of some kind of 47 00:03:34,740 --> 00:03:39,150 boundaries, something that you can do, or you cannot do. And of 48 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:39,480 course, 49 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,440 it's not a 50 00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:43,830 certain song thing, but it's mostly 51 00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:48,330 like, you shouldn't do some things you shouldn't infringe on 52 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,620 other people's Will you shouldn't Express negative 53 00:03:52,620 --> 00:03:56,970 emotion or you shouldn't come from kiss all those things.

I 54 00:03:56,970 --> 00:04:01,050 mean, yes, you can do it but you shouldn't Because it's 55 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:02,340 disrespectful 56 00:04:02,490 --> 00:04:03,570 towards another person, 57 00:04:03,870 --> 00:04:11,040 and the more you make a person feel disrespected by you. If 58 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:15,180 you're in a relationship the or or not or not, yet, even the 59 00:04:15,180 --> 00:04:16,200 more you disrespect 60 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,880 your person, the less 61 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,500 of a good relationship chance you will have. Why? Because 62 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,710 obviously there are going to open up to you, they're going to 63 00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:29,250 be feeling threatened all the time, every time they want to 64 00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:33,690 share the new layer of defense, to get to that level of 65 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,020 relationship where it's all love and happiness, or you need to 66 00:04:37,050 --> 00:04:40,620 share all those layers.

So every time a person would want to 67 00:04:40,620 --> 00:04:43,800 share, shed that layer from themself 68 00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:46,830 and open up a little more, they're going to be afraid 69 00:04:46,890 --> 00:04:49,590 that you're going to be intrusive, and you're going to 70 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:53,370 say something negative about what's what's in this layer. 71 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,880 They're going to be afraid to open up they're going to be 72 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:02,310 afraid of your judgment or your route. There's all those things. 73 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:07,350 So you need to learn how to respect and by respecting you 74 00:05:07,350 --> 00:05:12,600 need to learn how to observe other people's boundaries, okay. 75 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:14,280 Which brings 76 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,500 us of course, to the question 77 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:18,780 of setting the boundaries. 78 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:22,020 First thing you need to understand about personal 79 00:05:22,020 --> 00:05:28,260 boundaries is that if they are not set, they do not exist in a 80 00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:34,920 way.

And, of course they are for the person who has to hurt and 81 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,300 infringe upon. But if they did not set their boundaries 82 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:43,530 straight out prior to that there's nobody to blame. 83 00:05:43,770 --> 00:05:44,580 If another person 84 00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:48,720 doesn't know those boundaries, they do not exist and this is 85 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:53,910 what I mean that the boundaries that are not set properly, did 86 00:05:53,910 --> 00:05:56,160 not exist in relationship. So 87 00:05:56,820 --> 00:05:57,870 firstly, first 88 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,710 learn to set the boundary For that, of course, you need the 89 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:06,060 proper communication. You need to have honest, straightforward 90 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:09,060 communication with another person, or whatever type of 91 00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:12,270 relationship you're building with them. You need to be 92 00:06:12,270 --> 00:06:17,460 straight.

You need to properly say this is absolute No, no for 93 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,630 me. And 94 00:06:18,659 --> 00:06:20,639 this is a really flexible, 95 00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:24,989 and this is an absolutely no no for me, and this is something 96 00:06:24,989 --> 00:06:28,949 they're flexible. So have this conversation. Set your 97 00:06:28,949 --> 00:06:33,689 boundaries telling me, oh, when I'm in the room, and my doors 98 00:06:33,689 --> 00:06:38,819 closed, I want to be bothered at all. If you want to come into 99 00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:43,349 the room, you have to knock this is my rule. I like my privacy, 100 00:06:43,709 --> 00:06:48,329 and I cherish it a lot.

This is really important for me. And if 101 00:06:48,359 --> 00:06:53,519 you start observing those rules, they will take it as a sign of 102 00:06:53,549 --> 00:06:56,819 improvement relationship. Why? Because you actually doing this 103 00:06:56,819 --> 00:07:02,699 little things to kind of Help them. And if you're doing 104 00:07:02,699 --> 00:07:05,699 something for their security, if you're doing something for them 105 00:07:05,699 --> 00:07:10,469 there will be by observing these small rules that are important 106 00:07:10,589 --> 00:07:14,129 for them. It's really basic, but many people just keep that 107 00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:20,219 misses things.

And it's because it's because of the lifetimes of 108 00:07:20,219 --> 00:07:23,549 just brace. You build up and build a relationship and build 109 00:07:23,549 --> 00:07:27,059 it and build it and build it. And then out of nowhere, you 110 00:07:27,059 --> 00:07:30,779 just like you interrupt the person and just judge their 111 00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:31,859 core belief. 112 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,680 And they just shut down completely and then you're an 113 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:35,130 enemy 114 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:40,680 right away after years of doing the relationship. Why? Because 115 00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:43,410 it never just happened before and the boundaries were never 116 00:07:43,410 --> 00:07:47,160 set for for anybody, but then it just happens that in this 117 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:52,050 moment, you felt like expressing your beliefs, and they do not 118 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:55,890 coincide with this person's belief.

But for them, it's 119 00:07:55,890 --> 00:08:00,810 really important that you would not say yes, it was Do not judge 120 00:08:00,810 --> 00:08:06,210 them. You don't know. So try to be cautious about these things. 121 00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:07,710 Try to not judge 122 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:10,170 people's beliefs try to not comment 123 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:14,790 ever on, on certain things that you know, don't comment on 124 00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:18,540 another person's appearance. Yeah. Don't Don't talk about 125 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:19,440 their beliefs.

126 00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:23,670 Something that's important to all of us generally. 127 00:08:24,510 --> 00:08:27,810 You normally just try to restrict yourself from 128 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:30,180 commenting or judging in some kind of way. 129 00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:34,680 Because commenting is judging or perceiving, judging by another 130 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,010 party. 131 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,150 So 132 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,000 I think I want to mention is, 133 00:08:41,549 --> 00:08:43,259 as far as boundaries concerned, 134 00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:44,039 is 135 00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:49,049 sticking your nose in other people's business, okay. And 136 00:08:49,079 --> 00:08:54,599 we'll do that once in a while because, of course, majority of 137 00:08:54,599 --> 00:08:58,469 his things are driven by greed intentions, we want to help we 138 00:08:58,469 --> 00:09:01,139 want to express our own opinions. How to fix the 139 00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:05,789 situation.

Problem. I want to share our experience, and we 140 00:09:05,789 --> 00:09:11,159 want to, in some cases, just prevent some bad or negative 141 00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:15,899 things from happening to another person. But you see, first of 142 00:09:15,899 --> 00:09:20,249 all, do not ever predict that the same bad thing that happened 143 00:09:20,249 --> 00:09:24,149 to you, we'll be back for another person. Another way you 144 00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:27,929 don't know how they will experience, whatever they are 145 00:09:27,929 --> 00:09:32,789 going to experience, and this was your experience. If you want 146 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:37,349 to give advice, you're basing it on solely your personal 147 00:09:37,349 --> 00:09:40,619 experience and you understand that you are unique beings, so 148 00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:43,739 they will experience the same thing differently than you are. 149 00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:47,459 So why do you think your advice is actually valuable to them?

150 00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:52,409 Necessarily. Unless of course they are open to listen to you 151 00:09:52,439 --> 00:09:57,359 and pass your opinion. Then they value your opinion. If they 152 00:09:57,359 --> 00:10:01,289 don't ask you you cannot share your opinion on Because if you 153 00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:05,009 do is going to look a fool or even a provoking utility, or 154 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:08,279 whatever, because they didn't they feel invaded in this way. 155 00:10:08,519 --> 00:10:12,539 So this is another form of disrespect, sticking your nose 156 00:10:12,539 --> 00:10:17,459 in person, because their life is happening to them, you have no 157 00:10:17,459 --> 00:10:20,249 idea what's happening in the world. Okay?

158 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,170 Now we're overseeing the world. 159 00:10:23,309 --> 00:10:29,609 So, respect, okay, to summarize this thing, respect, understand 160 00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:34,349 with respect this understands its boundaries, it's respecting 161 00:10:34,349 --> 00:10:38,699 the boundaries between knowing the boundaries first, setting 162 00:10:38,699 --> 00:10:42,899 the boundaries, and respecting them. That's it. As soon as you 163 00:10:42,899 --> 00:10:46,769 don't do those things in any kind of relationship. You always 164 00:10:46,769 --> 00:10:50,729 know where where not to push, where to stop and conversation 165 00:10:50,759 --> 00:10:55,679 where to control your way ways. Basically, if at all, where are 166 00:10:55,679 --> 00:11:00,419 you going with this conversation and not to increase And that 167 00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:00,779 will make 168 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:02,280 persons not to give.

169 00:11:03,299 --> 00:11:07,829 You cannot really make anybody upset or make anybody angry. 170 00:11:07,829 --> 00:11:12,719 It's their prerogative, but you can create the conditions for 171 00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:18,209 them to become angry. Okay? More likely. That's it. So don't do 172 00:11:18,209 --> 00:11:21,179 that.

If you want a good relationship Why would you do 173 00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:23,549 that? Why would you make a person angry with you? Why 174 00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,469 would you like them to be upset with 175 00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:28,500 you? You wouldn't. So even though you cannot directly 176 00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:32,100 affect them, you can control yourself you can learn to 177 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:37,350 respect their boundaries and not create this. Obstacles enough 178 00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:42,810 create this space that will actually give you the fuel to 179 00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:47,220 power their negativity or negative thoughts.

Okay? 180 00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:50,609 self respect. Learn about respect